To ask them to put the heating on,?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

@justasking111 I'm going home again on Saturday afternoon otherwise I possibly would.

At home we tend not to run the heating during the day, even though DH and I both primarily WFH. Instead we heat our studies with little oil-filled electric radiators. . But when the weather is this cold we do run the heating constantly otherwise the house chills down too much.

@oakleaffy I'm puzzled by your comment about not using cooking apples - how do you make apple pies, crumbles, and apple sauce?I will admit I don't use loads of them but do buy them regularly.

I'm not sure that refusing to throw any leftover food is confined to people whom lived through the was and post war years. My husband is the worst person I know for refusing to throw anything away. I caught him eating mince pies last night with a best before date in early December, with double cream with a use by date of 7 February. 🤢.

Op says they are quite well off, just tight by the sound of it

Is it any ruder than making your guests uncomfortable?

My MIL is the same. When she was working, the heating came on for an hour or two at each end of the day, and even though she is almost 80, less mobile than she used to be, and at home a lot, the timer is set to the same times and her house is FREEZING. We live in an old, poorly insulated house, so ours is never overly warm, but I feel cold through to the bone after and hour or two at hers. She is currently looking at moving. Probably to an igloo.

Maybe buy a few sacks of logs ? You could then keep it going through the day until they come home.

13 degrees is actually very dangerous for their health.

Its not relevant - the OP says they are well off - but no, pensiioners who get the winter fuel allowance do not have to spend it on heating. They can spend it as they wish.

13 degrees is crazy and a health hazard.

Some people are just tight though and it's not necessarily an age thing. I have friends in their forties/fifties who engage in competitive heating frugality. My own parents, silent generation if you will, keep their home warm - my dear old ma says she grew up in a freezing house and it was miserable so she doesn't want to experience that again.

This.

It is what I do when I go somewhere.

FFS, haven’t you ever seen Bramleys in the shops? Of course people use them!

As for putting a load of usable apples on the compost heap - couldn’t you have given them away elsewhere? People do make apple pies and crumbles, you know!

Do people even use cooking apples these days?!

Absofuckinglutely! A year's worth of apple sauce for pork and chicken, enough to make as much apple tart/crumble as I want from my tree every year. 😁

13C is cold - the house is cold and yes I feel the cold. If I could live in the tropics I'd be in 7th heaven. But I don't. I live in Britain.
I am however not cold as I am dressed appropriately for the daytime temperature in here. My heating bills are already over £4500 a year which I think is quite enough!

There's nothing I could wear that would render 13C bearable to me indoors. Are there improvements you could make to your heating/insulation so that you're cosier and spending less?

That little snack will work quicker than Ozempic!
I can remember visiting my dad once he had stage 4 cancer and was defrosting prawns that should have been binned… in a bowl on a radiator.
At least he’d have the heating on!

My house is currently 14. I've been working from home all day quite comfortably. I think you get used to it. No damp or mould in the house. I hate a heated house, it feels stuffy.

Close family I would defnitely ask, friends no I woundn't. This is a generational thing my parents house is freezing I tend to avoid going. When they come to us they moan it is too hot and they can't sleep as it is too hot!!

Yes, my otherwise lovely friend, generous to a fault, heats her house to 24. I stayed just before Xmas and ended up stripping off my nighty and sleeping with just a sheet over me as I was too hot!

I'd be concerned that your Mum was living in a house where she didn't feel she could just turn up the heating without 'asking' as it's 'his house'.

At that temperature it won’t be long before damp spots appear. I would tackle the partner directly and tell him he has his priorities wrong. At their age comfort within their own home is the priority.

i do,i make fab apple pies and crumbles with them.Much nicer than shop bought..

My friend does this too. Every time I go round, even in the middle of winter, I dress like I'm about to hit a beach bar. I've learned the hard way, sitting there bright red in the face and absolutely sweltering in a sweater dress! She is a lovely person and great host, just likes her house to be tropical!

He's lived here for 30+ years I think and no damp so far! Its a very well built, 1990s, well insulated (thank God) house.

It gets warm in the evening and first thing in the morning - when the heating is on. But really chills down during the day.

They are now back home again so I'm.going to tactfully raise the subject. Wish me luck!

I would just say to your mum that unfortunately you won’t be coming to stay again until it gets warmer as their house is so cold.

It’s tricky when parents have a new partner - things that you wouldn’t have thought twice about become a minefield. But you’re her daughter so either she tells her DH that she wants her house warm enough for toy, her daughter and guest, or she doesn’t, and doesn’t have guests.

You're a lot more mature than I am. I'd have had enough and left, gone home or somewhere else. I can't stand being cold.

Can you buy them some logs which would be a greater value £££ than having the heating on for a extra few hours (which I imagine wouldn't be that many)?