To ask them to put the heating on,?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

I keep the temp in our house low for environmental reasons but if they went on 3 foreign holidays last year then it’s not that either!

Personally I wouldn’t ask them to turn it up, I can’t stand the temp at my ILs house but I never ask them to turn the heat down, I just do what I need to keep myself cool. So I think you need to do the same - blankets, hot drinks, regular movement breaks etc. It’s just a few days.

My house physically can't get to 18 degrees when it's this cold out! It's a good thing I'm not old.

13 degrees is very cold for inside, especially when you're trying to work and can't huddle under a duvet

Of course ask your mum, Never mind that her partner owns the bricks and mortar, it is her home as well.

I live alone and wfh and choose not to have the heating on during the day because I’m fine in layers, but if anyone was coming round I would put it on.

If my grown up dc were visiting I would also put it on and I’ve told them to just say if they want it on more. I would be horrified to think that they, or anyone for that matter, were uncomfortable.

I would be feeling ill with temperatures that high!

I think you have to be respectful of what's right for others, ie some don't like the heating on/can't afford. However, this is why I do my best to avoid going to SIL and her DH for a meal at Christmas. If I can't get out of it, I go armed with slipper boots and blankets - they don't comment and haven't taken the hint - it's so cold, you can see everyone's breath.

24 degrees in the house would be unbearable. Would rather be cold than sweltering in a stuffy house.

Can you buy a little electric heater for your room? Then you are not wasting heating the house. The minimum working temperature in an office is 16 btw maybe mention that?

That suggests to me that your mum might not be very comfortable with the house at that temperature either and is going along with her partner's preference to keep the peace. Is it worth having a quiet word with her when he's not around?

13C is cold - the house is cold and yes I feel the cold. If I could live in the tropics I'd be in 7th heaven. But I don't. I live in Britain.

I am however not cold as I am dressed appropriately for the daytime temperature in here. My heating bills are already over £4500 a year which I think is quite enough!

It isn't wasteful, because you're there. You being comfortable is not a waste.

If they both feel you're not worth it, I'd go home.

You do need to ask, and it's not rude, they probably just haven't thought about it.

Can't you just text/call your mum and say 'mind if I turn up the heating? I'm bloody freezing'

I remember when my MIL used to come round ( RIP) and was staying for a few days and would bring 1/4 of an ion, half a lemon, 6 slices of bread etc - and we aren't poor. I'm sure you get the gist - !!

Do people even use cooking apples these days?!

Weird comment of the day. Of course they do. Anyone who wants to make apple pie, apple crumble etc uses cooking apples..

Thanks everyone.

I'll talk to them about the heating when they get home. In the meantime, in desperation I went hunting in the garage and found a portable fan heater! The bedroom I'm working in isn't that big so I'm hoping I can warm it up.

They probably go out so much because it is freezing at home! Turn it up and tell your mum sorry but I really had to turn the heating on, I couldn't work I was so cold, I'll obviously pay for the extra cost. He may be mortified that a guest was cold in his house if he's as nice as you say.

I'm not really overly fussy - and do have fairly basic wants and needs when it comes to a man. But it would be a deal breaker for me, if I met a man who was so tight-arsed that he wouldn't 'allow' the heating on when it's 2 degrees C outside. I bet he won't have the aircon on in the car til it's over 45 degrees C either!

He probably hates Christmas as well, thinks birthdays are for children, and Valentines Day and Mothers Day etc are commercialised bollocks. In addition, I bet he wants to split the bill every time you both buy anything/go anywhere, and makes sure he only pays for what he has had. And he is almost definitely shit in bed..

As has been said, what a miserable way to live. If it's cold, stick the fucking heating on! That's what it's for FGS!

Fair enough when it's just them in and out but they should put it on whilst you are staying and working from there.

They do sound amazing for their age ... cycling 20 miles, and out and about all the time, lovely.

Oh yes!

After my dad died and mum was living alone I found a box of eggs in her kitchen. They were 6 months out of date but mum wouldn't let me throw them out as "eggs last for ages beyond their use by date" which they do. But not 6 months!

She's been known to turn up with 2 (very) out of date yoghurts because she didn't want to waste them.

My parents dont have a cold house but there's no circumstance in which I or my siblings would unilaterally fiddle with their heating, they'd be completely flummoxed by that.

To me that's something you don't change if you don't live in a house, no harm in asking but as a PP said people don't tend to change their heating habits

I think it's difficult. I couldn't function in that sort of temperature and we always have our heating on all day when it's cold, and have the thermostat set to 25 degrees because it's a big old draughty house. But whilst I think that you should think of your guests and your mum should realise that you're cold, I also think it's very rude to ask anyone else to put their heating on or turn it up if they wouldn't usually do that. I think I would just wrap myself up in a nice throw.

@niadainud my dad was quite disabled towards the end of his life so needed the heating on high. Mum tended not to leave him much so they would quite often sit watching TV for some of the day

She's now much more active, out all the time and I think doesn't feel the cold as much. But there is also definitely an element of it being "his house, his rules". Don't get me wrong, he's very kind and lovely but quite set in his ways. The heating goes on in the evening for a couple of hours, and again in the morning from 6 .30. - 8am, but that's it.

I'm feeling quite faint at some of these temperatures ... 25 degrees 😮

The air can still be cold in my flat even at 24. We ended up having a second radiator in the living room which has improved things but it still feels cold half the time.

Just buy a heater for £19.20 from Argos

My in-laws kept their house at 14 degrees. They lived 200 miles away so we couldn't just visit, and quite often we chose not to go as we knew it would be too cold.
When we did go, they wouldn't turn the heating up, saying it was warm enough. We used to sleep with our clothes under our PJ'S.

That premise works while they are both out all day or most days. You are there presumably during the day as you are wfh! Quite reasonable to ask for the heating to be on while you are there.