To ask them to put the heating on,?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

I would ask.

If you're working from their home while they're out, I'd say "I know you don't normally like the heating on when you're not home, but would it be OK if I put it on while I'm working please - I was freezing earlier. I'll give you some money to cover it so you won't be out of pocket."

No not really. I was not brought up to wear shorts and tee shirts in the middle of winter like so many people now so it wouldn't occur to me to need the heating on.

I'm also pretty active so I'm not sitting around in front of the TV getting cold.

If you don't feel cold that's fine. But you said it was cold.

Absolutely I can not be cold- I would tell them how cold I was (I suffer from Raynards and chilblaines) and if the wouldn't I would politely leave and not return

Or ask for a hot water bottle and blanket

I'd ask but expect the partner to moan about it!

Sounds like my Mum, she won't put the light on when it starts to get dark either. My DH turned the light on when we were at Mum's over Christmas, I told him she'd comment about it when she came back into the room, and sure enough she did. I bet she was itching to turn it off as soon as we left, old habits die hard!

@OldChairMan completely agree. But it's difficult to argue with him. Today he went out for a 20 mile bike ride with some friends, came back in for lunch (kept his fleece on!) and Mum went out with friends for brunch.

They've now gone out for the afternoon so won't be back until about 5. So I do appreciate his reasoning to a certain extent. But I'm here so the house needs heating up

I have a heater in the office I bought for the baby 23 years ago. Suggest you get one choose a room and keep the door shut. We don't have the heating on all day but the log burner is lit at lunchtime because it's so cold at the moment.

Legally, the minimum temperature in a workplace is 16 degrees (only 13 if you are doing something strenuous). Temperature in the workplace: Is it too cold or hot to work? - HSE

So I would say you definitely need to raise this (and offer to pay if that's what makes it OK for them to put the heating on).

Unfortunately a lot of what I do is quite confidential so I can't work from coffee shops etc as my side of meetings can be overheard

If it was my parents then I would say something. If it was a mate who I was staying with and they might have financial problems then maybe not so much. The thing is when I'm cold I will just say so. I don't think I'd be able not to.
'oh, it's a bit chilly isn't it?' then you'd hope someone in charge might volunteer to turn up the heating?
If they don't then I guess you just need more layers. Could you use a space heater and literally leave a few notes of cash out as a contribution to the bill?
My mum says her sister's house was freezing when she went to stay but she didn't say anything. I was like 'why not?!' she's far from broke and has Parkinson's so might have forgotten to put it on or something?

Can you not say something like "I know that you don't usually put the heating on during the day because you're always out and about, and I totally understand that. But I need to be here to work and I'm finding it hard because I feel really cold, Would it be possible to turn the heating on? If not, I'm going to have to go find a library or coffee shop to work in because it's too cold for me." That way you're not judging them for not normally heating the house during the day, but pointing out that the situation is different now.

They've got a log burner but won't use it because it burns logs too fast!

Yes, I do.

But don't throw them away. Cut them up and give them to the birds. They love them

Just ask!!

No wonder they don't notice the cold in the house! I work from home and really notice the cold on the days when I am glued to my desk rather than, say, a weekend when I am moving about much more and going out for periods of time. I feel your pain, there is nothing worse than working at a desk when you are freezing.

18 is not high enough either. Minimum of 20 in my house. What’s the point of being miserly, refusing to have warmth in their house, especially if they can well afford it. I had a poor childhood and was always cold, but damned if I’m going to be now! Being warm should not be a luxury!

If they aren't home I don't see why you should put the heating on. If I'm wfh alone I just shut the door of the room I'm working from and use a hot water bottle or small heater. Can you try that? Different if everyone was home and not wanting to put the heating on

I'm in my early 40s and I don't waste food either and I use cooking apples. I guess maybe my parents did it so we do it and the world has finite resources I do have the heating on (not when it's just me WFH all day though, I have a dressing gown and a heated blanket, slipper socks and a pair of slippers).
Household income of over £200k.

Some people are just quite frugal?

Yup. Mick Jagger has a reputation for being tight fisted but he attributes to being brought up under rationing.

“I’m not at all stingy,’ Jagger counters when I ask about this. ‘I don’t know what that reputation is all about, really. On the other hand, no one likes to pay more for things than they are worth. My early childhood memories are of rationing and so I am frugal, and I do look down on people who waste things. I always turn the lights out. None of my American friends turn anything off. TVs run all night.’

i can just imagine him telling his kids to “put a bloody jumper on..”

HE thinks? what does SHE think?

Thanks very much for all your input.

I think I struggle with the dynamic of our relationship. For 50 years of my life I was used to treating my parents house like a second home - turning up the hearing, making a cuppa, helping myself to stuff out of the larder etc.

My mum is now living somewhere that is owned by her partner, not her, and I don't have that same freedom as it is definitely "his" house. He's a lovely man but quite set in his ways about some things. And he's not my dad so I can't tease him or disagree with him without it becoming an issue if you see what I mean.

For everyone saying to offer him money to put on the heating, I think he would be horrified and offended. It really isn't about the money (I'd be much more understanding if it was), it's about being "wasteful". They went on 3 foreign holidays last year, including to Australia, and are always going out for coffee/lunch or something. We went to the cinema last night and he bought the tickets for us all. But he would be appalled if I chucked something in the bin that potentially could somehow still be used.

With the cost of gas and electric now, heating is indeed a luxury for millions of people.

@Itsalwaysfools I agree, but that's definitely not the case here.

I think it's reasonable to ask- if they refuse that's their choice.
You can make your next decision based on that