To be devastated about this minor thing...

[Ninerina]

I went to a book club last night- all fine, enjoyed it- and they asked me who I live with and I said my husband and my son and they asked how old he is and when I said his age there were no gasps, no look of shock, just nods
I have always always always been told I don't look my age but now people just nod. What is this hell?!
I'm 55 and my son is 29.
Up until I turned 53 people would say I didn't look my age
I know it's not a big deal really but couldn't they have pretended to look shocked?
It's not a big ask is it?
So upset

I got this when out with a friend who is maybe 6 years older than me. Someone remarked “Is this your mother?” Towards her. I was very glad she didn’t hear this comment but I certainly didn’t take it as a compliment or think that I looked so much younger. I thought instead that I don’t think they’ve looked at either of us particularly well. They’ve just seen two women together and opened their stupid mouths. This lady is beautiful too! All done up for a night out. The mind boggles.

I get it. I've always looked younger than I am. When I was a young teenager, people used to think I was a small boy.

After a lifetime of it, you do start to expect it.

I think you’re joking and I would be annoyed too! 😂 how do we not stay looking about 30 because mentally that’s where I am! I got asked id randomly in a shop which was hilarious in itself but then they changed their mind. I was so annoyed you will see my id because I look young!

Have you watched Joanna Lumley in Amandaland/ Motherland OP?

I’ve noticed this too! I had my first at 29, which is obviously a very normal age to have a child, but is significantly younger than the average where I live.

A guy I work with recently said everyone else he knows with an eight year old is at least 45 and I was very young to have a child that age! 🤷‍♀️

I’m your people OP! 😄 people are always openly very surprised when they find out I have a 10 year old and I am loving it haha 😂😂
(I’m 35 in a v MC area where lots of people have their first at this age, plus I am chubby so look younger, plus my demeanour is not v sophisticated either so I guess I seem young!)

That's just rude, I'm with you OP, I would never talk to any of them again 💐

I have often been told I don't look my age, or that I must have been a child bride when I say how old my children are. It's lovely when people say it and does make me feel good. But, if they don't react like that I don't give a monkey's. I don't feel defined by my looks, and certainly wouldn't give even a light hearted 'dramatic pause' to allow for the shocked reaction.

I actually had my first at 17 and when people say to me I don't look old enough to have an 18 year old I quite often say "I'm not old enough, I had her when I was still a child" 😂

People can't win. They comment on your looks, they're rude. They don't, they're rude.

I had my eldest at 19 and have often, over the years, been told I cannot be old enough to have an ‘x’ year old. At first I felt judged because I was young, then it was ok because it meant I still looked young but now that I’m older I realise people probably shouldn’t comment either way.

It has pretty much stopped now, although my dentist said it at my check up just before Christmas and I admit it made me feel quite good because I often look like shit due to peri and chronic illness!😂

So sad for people to think that you might be in your 50s, when you're in your 50s!

My advice is to get Botox and filler, you'll get that look of a middle aged woman who has had work done, but no one will know if you're 45 or 65, though this means they'd be too scared to comment on your age. But you will get to tell them how amazing your plastic surgeon is, and people will tell you that you look great (to your face).

I write this as 'one of your people', had to bring my passport with me to get into bars well into my 20s, colleagues on my graduate job though I was a school leaver, I was not taken seriously as too young into my 40s etc. So somehow I straddle the two groups you identify of 'looks young' and 'miserable old hag'.

I still occasionally get asked for ID at almost 37, but I'm very aware it won't last much longer! And actually it's a pain in the arse cos I don't always have my purse with me. I had my eldest when I was 19 and so people are sometimes shocked at his age but where I live it's not uncommon. It does sound like you need to adjust your hopes for people to be astounded.

I know what you mean OP. I had my kids later so never got it for that, but I used to get a lot of young comments and I still (sometimes) get a shock reaction when people find out my age (48). You get used to it! I am having a rough time with perimeno, stress and ageing parents at the mo and suspect by the time I'm 50 I will have aged a lot. So I'm enjoying it while it lasts!

Omg im the same 😅. I just turned 39 but had been getting asked for ID until 36 then poof just stopped- overnight, and not a glimmer of hesitation at the till when buying a bottle of wine now 😢
Its quite sobering 😕😂

Look at it another way OP. I'm 5 years older than you. When our mothers were girls, it was very common for people to look 15-20 years older than they were. Hard physical labour in the home and outside and an older way of dressing and doing their hair put years on women and men and people might have struggled to believe that you were young enough to have a son still in his thirties. It's very common now for women much older than us to not look like little old ladies - or is it that little old ladies don't look the way they did forty or fifty years ago so people think nothing of it?

There’s nothing wrong with being 55 unless you’re trying to look 25.

Do you not think they felt awkward because of you having a 29 year old son still living with you? I know it is pretty much the norm nowadays because of cost of living, so it wouldn't shock me, but really when you tell someone that they have no where to go with it but smile and nod surely?

I think rather than the age thing, they were in the mindset that if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all, but they are probably thinking poor you, that you've not managed to get rid of him yet!

@Ninerina I get it! I've not read all of the thread, but I understand you're being mostly tongue in cheek and it's just a bit of fun 😁
I have a similar age difference with my DD and know what you mean about the comments being nice!

Well obviously you are being unreasonable to be so very upset that people are not surprised that you have a 29 year old son at 55.

On the other hand, I am 53 and my kids are only 21 and 22 and people do sometimes express surprise (especially in a low light!) and I am always secretly pleased when they do. And slightly disappointed if they don't.

Maybe within this group most people had their children relatively young (whereas the people I know are generally older parents)

I get it Ninerina up until two years ago I was always taken for much younger than my age. 56 now and hear it no more.

Exactly this. I agree, try to stop caring, OP. Honestly if this is all you can get worked up about, I envy you

Obviously OP likes to think she looks young for her age and loves to bask in comments of amazement

Didn't work this time tho did it OP.
Seems like aging has caught up with you

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm so wrinkly in my 40s that I've been mistaken for my 7 year old DCs'...Granny. 😭😂

Is there something wrong with looking your age then?

I say that as someone who is still told they don’t look anything like their age, so probably with limited understanding and sympathy 😆