To be devastated about this minor thing...

[Ninerina]

I went to a book club last night- all fine, enjoyed it- and they asked me who I live with and I said my husband and my son and they asked how old he is and when I said his age there were no gasps, no look of shock, just nods
I have always always always been told I don't look my age but now people just nod. What is this hell?!
I'm 55 and my son is 29.
Up until I turned 53 people would say I didn't look my age
I know it's not a big deal really but couldn't they have pretended to look shocked?
It's not a big ask is it?
So upset

do you have grey hair?

I'm 59 and I look 60!!! 😲
Slightly off track but I work with teenagers and I have a theory that the teens I work with generally think that you are a similar age as their care giver. Therefore I've been aged between 38 and 56!! 😆

My god, the number of people on this thread who don’t understand that the OP was being flippant (about something that affects most of us at some stage in their life).

OP, my ‘Oh my god I don’t look young any more’ moment was when I went to France (for the umpteenth time in my life) and realised that suddenly everyone had started calling me Madame instead of Mademoiselle.

There are people who genuinely do look far younger than their age OP. I know someone who now refuses to tell people her sons exact age & quickly replies with they've grown-up & left home now. She was asked for ID in bars when in her late 30s & on it goes. People who say this is fantasy are wrong. It can be a genetic thing where people don't age as quickly as the average person. I'ts the same with men.

Why should they be shocked? Presumably some of them know your age? Are you suggesting you don't like being told you look 55? Or what?

Many moons ago a gypsy I had been nice to told me I would never look my age. A year ago and a month my DH died suddenly when we were alone in the house - that is he had a cardiac arrest, his heart beat on (once restarted) for 18 days. I aged ten years by my reckoning in those 18 days. Said to DD I look much older now and she said, you don't, you just don't look happy any more. I said, but I look my age now. She laughed, and said have you looked at other people your age lately?
Which is nice. But at some point we all tip into looking our age. No point being devastated at 55 by people who think it's okay/reasonable you have a son of 29. Waiting expectantly for them to say 'Never! You only look 30' is a bit silly.

No one there knew her age as it was a new group.

And yes, she is saying she doesn’t like being told she looks her age! Lol

I don’t think it’s surprising that after always being told she looks younger it’s jarring to not have it said.

Youth and beauty are highly coveted in our society. Billion dollar industries capitalize on it.

Ooh this is good news! I'm 53 and my eldest is approaching 29, and honestly I hate this. Some people are nice with it, but some people do this faux shock thing that I'm supposed to take as a compliment. I think I look my age. Hopefully in a couple of years people will think I'm old though to have a thirty year old.

I'm not at all fixated on how I look - you know this if you saw me. I rarely get my hair cut, I'm not covering the grey. I don't wear make up or bother with a skincare routine. There are definitely 53 year olds that look much better than I do. So I just don't really care for other people making comments on how I look.

What if you were like the person I described in a pp who genuinely gets mistaken for 15 years younger. People often look at her as if she's from outer space when they find out her age so how should she react? She has also been asked if her DH the same age as her is her father. I know for a fact she absolutely hates it,especially the responses from women her own age & younger, as we've spoken about it. I know the family well & her mother & other close family members are the same.

In my area, you could easily have a 29 yo DC and be mid 40s so I really wouldn't worry too much about it.

I was once given a very sage piece of advice: 'what other people think of you is none of your business'.

You'd be in a healthier place OP if you remembered this.

When Gladiator II came out I fully expected it to be set in a book club.

Book clubs are not for the faint of heart.

A worthwhile quote & one to remember. Thanks for sharing 😊

You're 55 @Ninerina so of course you look like a woman in your 50s. Why wouldn't you?!

And of course you look old enough to have a son of nearly 30. I am surprised that you are so affronted that someone is not shocked you have a son of nearly 30. Do you look 33 in your head?

,

I often get told I don’t look old enough to have adult children. I definitely do.
People say things like that to be nice or to stop the conversation being awkward

True. A lot of people are full of shit.

I am someone who was always told I looked far younger than I am and wouldn't believed that I was my actual age

But this thread did hit weird with me still

I bloody love Motherland and Amandaland and I've roped my husband into watching it too
We watch it on a loop it's the best thing ever and we both love Anne the best
Tho I still miss Kevin and Liz
Joanna Lumley is so fab in it too

Why do you tell so many people your age? I have lived in the village I live in now for over a decade. Only a couple of people know my age.

Erm I really don't think I tell my age to more people than usual 🤣🤣

Apologies, I misread your post. You said one person said it! (Sorry!)

It reminds me of a time I really put my foot in it the other way.

There was a woman I was dealing with on a work related matter when she mentioned the age of her daughter. I did the big gasp you described OP and asked how that was possible, she must have had her at 12. "I was 15" she said VERY icily before changing the subject. I never ever commented like that again.

Don’t worry, OP, I get you. I am very baby faced and still get IDd at the supermarket 9/10 (I’m 39). People on MN go absolutely nuts with rage about that and have insisted I (and other posters saying the same) are barefaced lying. They don’t like it. Who knows why.

When my time ends, I will be a little disappointed to leave it behind me.

It’s almost as if that looking youthful is intrinsically linked to our value as women and we have been conditioned since toddlerhood to understand this 🙄 Who woulda thunk?

It’s not that you look younger that irritates people, it’s that you’re so pathetically proud of it that you seem to have made it a plank of your identity.

Gosh. Deducing someone’s entire ethos, mentality and self worth from three paragraphs on a thread. Bravo.