to hate the fact my teens don’t want to do anything with me

[OldMargaret]

14 year old twins
DS and DD
Very different in personality but no major clashes largely because they don’t spend much time together ( by their choice )

I am a teacher so around all half terms and enjoy spending time with them yet the last year or so has been hideous with me dragging them out to be met with moans the entire day

My DD is autistic and finds it hard to socialise so is heavily reliant on me yet seems to dislike me most of the time

DS is gaming mad and would never leave his bedroom given the choice

I’ve booked Longleat safari park with a sleepover in a treehouse as a half term treat as they both love animals so at least that’s a common interest and the look on their faces was like I had given them the worst news they’ve ever heard!

Anyone else understand how horrible this is?

Friends don’t seem to know what I’m talking about!

I’ve booked to go go karting with my teen son

they are obscenely fast and my worst nightmare. I am dreading it BUT

my son is looking forward to it and we are doing it together - and that is what makes me happy.

Ah I feel for you
I'm not at that age yet so can only hope it doesn't go that way
I have to say the half term treat sounds absolutely amazing!

That would have cost you a fortune
They sound… rude

Ride it out, it gets better in a few years.

Are you a single parent?

They're 14, they don't want to hang out with their mum.

Did you ask them before booking the sleepover?

I was on your pregnancy thread yesterday op!

I have a 14 and a 16 year old who don’t spend much time with me anymore - I think it’s a natural result of pulling away as they turn into adults . I find anything involving food normally works ok though ! Sending sympathy - it isn’t just your kids

Food related places works here... A breakfast here.. Toby carvery there... Has become 'tradition' post caravan break we stop off for a Toby en route home. For the dd's it's Costa +cake...
Ds it's Maccies....

14/15 is the hardest time to have a decent relationship with your kids I’ve found. They are becoming their own people, breaking away from you and finding their independence. Combined with the hormones, they do that in the least graceful manner imaginable and generally appear to dislike parents with a passion….

Lots of eye rolling, grunting conversation and a generally constant, low level irritation by the fact you exist. Walk into a room they are in? Eye roll and a big sigh. Ask an innocuous question? Grunt and eye roll. Chat over family dinner? You’ll be lucky!

Seriously though, it is just a phase where they are generally bolshy, rude and beginning to throw their weight around. They DO come out the other side. Meet it with patience, gentle reminders of how to behave like a decent human/family member, pull them up on downright rudeness and let them get on with it (usually with a bunch of friends who are exactly the same….). A balanced and emotionally mature conversation is beyond them at this stage for the most part.

There are a few interesting books around of how the human brain completely rewires itself in the teen years, goes a long way to explain the extreme change that many go through as they move from being a child to being an adult.

It does pass. I promise. Just ride it out with as much humour as you can muster.

In light of all the above, I wouldn’t dream of taking my 14/15 year olds to Longleat. It will not be fun for any of you…..Once they were early teens, all holiday ideas were discussed as a family so we could get a feel of what would go down well. A holiday they are looking forward to/excited about is much more fun for everyone.

Good luck!

Not single but DH works away a lot so half terms are usually spent with me aside from holidays away together in the summer

No I didn’t ask them and I guess it’s because I knew deep down they wouldn’t want to

My DS would never go karting with me - that’s very much a thing he does with his dad so sadly no chance

DD mopes around the whole time saying how bored she is so I feel obliged to entertain her I suppose but she doesn’t enjoy a lot of things due to sensory issues so it’s very hard

This is why I’m contemplating having another baby too - I don’t feel “ done “ at 39 but maybe I would feel differently if the kids enjoyed my company a bit more 😂

Nearly all teens are like this.

It's not you.

Either do the stuff they want (and expand your horizons - I have learnt a surprising amount about anime and obscure jazz musicians) or accept they won't spend time with you.

Well you’re more than contemplating…. You’re pregnant!

Ps I think the safari park and treehouse sounds great and there’s probably a chance they’ll really enjoy it once it’s happening and you’ll have a good time - don’t over think it and take photos !.. and make sure you have good food treats available

Do they still ‘love animals’? Do they currently ‘love animals’? Did you ask them what they would like to do in half term?

i have a 14 and 17 yr old. Tbh 14/15 OS when we started facilitating them spending time with friends. Or we would do something that interested them too, something they actually wanted to do.

Did they at least say thank you?
That must have cost more than £1000?

All food things are completely out

She won’t eat in the presence of others and equally can’t stand people eating around her so this dictates a lot of time not spent together I guess

I did try and discuss a break away but DS moaned I’m taking away his bloody gaming time! and DD said she was watching TikTok about a new cream that means you don’t develop ANY lines so in the end I just did it myself!

YABU for expecting an autistic child to be excited about something you haven't discussed with them. As a parent and teacher you should know that autistic people don't cope well with changes to routine so whilst experiences are nice in theory you can't handle them in the same way you would an allistic child. You have set yourself up for disappointment with that. As for them generally not wanting to hangout with you, welcome to tweenagers I'm afraid. It's natural evolution that at their age they separate themselves a little.

My two are 14 and 15 and it’s hard work getting them to spend time with. As someone else posted food works really well and I tend to take them out individually rather than as a pair because they just bicker when they are together.

I’ve given up on fun days out as they just aren’t interested but make up for it with trips for food.

I think you have me mixed up with someone else

Ah sorry I left the thread after your positive pregnancy thread OP. I didn’t realise it had evolved

I had a chemical pregnancy last month and posted about that but since then I haven’t made any threads

No I didn’t ask them and I guess it’s because I knew deep down they wouldn’t want to

Well, that's on you isn't it?

Honestly, they're 14. Let them make their own entertainment during the holidays.

I can understand the upset but it's a normal and absolutey healthy part of their development. If I'm brutally honest I'd be more worried about teenagers who preferred to spend time with their parents than their friends!

I remember vividly being that age wanting to carve out my own eyeballs than spend time with my parents. My absolute idea of hell would have been spending a sleepover in a treehouse with my mum I'm sorry to say! I think you need to accept this new period in your life and see the positives. Your children are becoming more independent and this should enable you to carve more of a life for yourself such as hobbies and seeing friends.

Apologies, I was on the chemical pregnancy thread

but you’re trying now? Don’t have a baby because you think your teens don’t want to spend time with you!

do you have dinner together as a family?