To be annoyed DP hasn’t gone in to the office?

[CitadelofRicks]

I might be a bit unreasonable but I’m so wound up. DP was meant to go into the office today but decided last minute this morning that he couldn’t be bothered and without sounding dramatic, it’s sent me over the edge. Love him dearly but I just want some peace! He’s meant to go in three days a week but it’s not really enforced. I’m fully remote so always at home. I feel like I rarely get time to myself.

If I go visit my family then obviously there’s people there but then he gets the house to himself same if I go meet friends. I get two hours to myself on Saturday morning when he’s at parkrun (if he goes) but that’s super early so I don’t really get to enjoy the alone time if you see what I mean. Anyway the reason I’m so upset today is because I only have one work call in my calendar for half an hour. I started a new role two months ago and this is the emptiest my calendar has been since I started so naturally I was looking forward to really getting to enjoy being alone. I’ve had so many early calls and training starting at 7:30 am due to time differences and I’m just exhausted and talked out.

I know some people hate days when they don’t get the chance to speak to anyone but I love them! They so rarely happen and I’m neurodiverse so desperately need time to decompress every now and then. He’s said he’ll go in tomorrow but my calendar is packed tomorrow so it makes no difference. Obviously I’m not going to force him out of his own home but AIBU to be annoyed. I’m ashamed to admit I had a quick cry in the shower this morning.

OP isnt being unreasonable....and of course would totally understand if it were reversed!!!!

Nope

I know exactly what you mean @CitadelofRicks. I am sat here savouring the solitude as DH has gone for a blood test.
It's the first time he's left the house this month.🙄

@CitadelofRicks love your username btw.
I hear you completely. I have the same sort of set up and really need alone time. I get that a lot of people won’t understand where you’re coming from, but I get you 100%. Even down to the Bob’s Burgers bit!

Never said I had the right to the house but he agreed last year to go in more as he’s technically supposed to. I dont have an office to work from, he does so the onus is on him to go to said office.

OP you say you rarely get any alone time but most weeks it’s three days.

I think you are being unreasonable. He will be working and his being at home shouldn’t affect you at all (I won’t even comment on the fact that you were treating this day as a jolly. If you have no work tell your manager or find something to do - you aren’t being paid to have a day at home to yourself).

He's allowed to change his work schedule once in a while.

Enjoy the quiet time! And I hope his blood test goes well 😊

Haha thank you. My day was originally going to be spent watching bobs burgers once all the work stuff was out of the way as I’ve completely rinsed Rick and Morty

not really

If being ALONE Is such an issue for you, then it's up to you to organise it. Expecting the other one to go away is not a solution.

Who would be happy to be obliged to leave the house a few days a week because their partner says so? It makes sense when you have children who should be free to enjoy their home life, but 2 professional adults? Ridiculous.

I’m with you, but would’ve insisted he stuck to his agreement to go in, unless he had a very good reason not to.

I wouldn’t see it as kicking him out of his home, he’s just going into the office to work.

Ignore the "you give wfh a bad name" messages OP. Not all roles are about being bum on seat 9.30am-5.30pm, particularly as you get more senior. It's about delivering not hours wired.

I regularly have calls from 7am and am still online working at 11pm when needed. If that means making most of a lighter day to claim back a bit of time, so be it.

Oh god the rage from being interrupted is like fire in my blood!

Where did you get three days from? He’s technically meant to go in 3 days but it’s not well enforced for his department so he rarely goes. Right now I’m getting paid to do my training. The training has been done for the week bar one module which will be instructor led tomorrow and Friday. Don’t see why you and a few others are frothing at the mouth about it. I cannot be assigned tasks until the training is complete. A lot of my colleagues are French/swiss and my manager actually encouraged me when I joined to enjoy the downtime and drink lots of coffee. Far be it from me to go against that when everyone else is clearly doing the same

There is a very different feel to a house that is properly empty vs one that has simeine working in. Even if they have few calls etc….

Im with the OP on that one.

yes i have insisted on that. My partner works in the lounge, me in the bedrooom. being trapped, unable to make a drink etc is very annoying.

So he blurs and i can wander in and make myself a quick lunch/drink when needed.

OP, you are my people!

I am on exactly the same position today. My DH was meant to go in. It's the ONLY day of the week he's in the office and I always try and wfh on that day

I love the silence of a completely empty house... the quiet lunchtime without the expectation of a conversation...

This morning he said he was a bit tired so couldn't be arsed going in

I am so gutted to have my promised peace taken away.

He's downstairs currently clattering about making a coffee and shouting up if I want anything...very lovely of him but what I really want is an empty house.

Agree to disagree but he is actually meant to leave the house to go to the office. I literally do not have an office to go to. So yes the onus is on him when the civil service has mandated three days a week. He just gets away with it because his manager can’t be bothered to go in either. If the roles were reversed I would go in at least one day a week as I could just work from a quiet meeting room and wouldn’t have to interact with anyone. Loving someone doesn’t need to involve constantly being around them. I’m an Individual as well as a partner.

Ok so maybe you could give ideas to the OP on how to get time alone then?

It’s all well and good to have a go at people and to tell them to sort it out. But if you dint have any solution, it’s quite hypocritical tbh.

Ooh, hard disagree. I only get a real sense of lucid clarity I need for some types of work from being fully alone.

My husband goes into the office Tuesdays, and I save all my creative work for then. Yesterday was a presentation, and it just flowed really well being properly alone.

If you dont have any work .can pop out for a coffee/lunch or a trip to the library or maybe a NT property or something? Maybe go for a drive out, radio on .I hear you. Rarely at home all day either, but like your hub not keen on all day without talking to anyone .We all need "me " time though .Tell him you are having a "long lunch out" and take off for a couple of hours!

Glad you resonate but sorry you’ve also had your quiet day taken away! Fingers crossed you get it back soon.

This thread also resonated with me OP and also explains this mysterious annoyance at the presence of someone else around

In a state of inertia when DH around www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4932835-in-a-state-of-inertia-when-dh-around

I’m thinking of heading out on a solo cinema trip later which would be fab as it’s likely to be quiet in there at this time of day.

I'm like you and the best thing is to work towards living alone.

Your husband has as much right to be at home / working from home as you.