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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
Summerdew · 12/02/2025 09:15

Well if she’s left with no one to take her home then you should take her but I’d be getting out of the car and telling her parents it’s a one off as you don’t always go straight home after and it’s inconvenient. If it happens again after that I’d tell her to call her parents as you aren’t going that way.

PorkHollywood · 12/02/2025 09:15

No you’re not at all. If she’s actually told her daughter you’ll be taking her without asking you I’d be telling her I won’t be giving any lifts again.

ioveelephants · 12/02/2025 09:15

How did you know where to drop the child off? What did you say to the mum when you arrived with her child?

CharityShopMensGlasses · 12/02/2025 09:16

YANBU
Can you contact the mum and say clearly you are not able to do any lifts going forward, I feel like she is someone who will take the Mick so I would also specify this to the group staff and tell her you have let them know that you cannot do lifts for any other children also.
Sorry you were put in this position!

takealettermsjones · 12/02/2025 09:16

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EarthlyNightshade · 12/02/2025 09:18

ha ha, good one

Of course you should not have taken the child, massive safeguarding risk, what were you even thinking?

ILoveRadio6 · 12/02/2025 09:18

I agree with the above post.

Don't give the child a lift again. The people running the activity will have to contact the parents and sort it out. It isn't your problem.

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 09:18

ioveelephants · 12/02/2025 09:15

How did you know where to drop the child off? What did you say to the mum when you arrived with her child?

This! Surely you told the mum last time 'this was never agreed, it cannot and will not happen again' I'd be fucking raging. This time you tell the activity leader that you're not giving the child a lift home, you have no idea where this has come from but the leader needs to contact the child's parents. Then leave.

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:18

@ioveelephants the child told me their addrss. No one was home when I got there, only their boarder. Child seemed to think that was normal.

OP posts:
Tattletwat · 12/02/2025 09:20

Summerdew · 12/02/2025 09:15

Well if she’s left with no one to take her home then you should take her but I’d be getting out of the car and telling her parents it’s a one off as you don’t always go straight home after and it’s inconvenient. If it happens again after that I’d tell her to call her parents as you aren’t going that way.

Nope none of this. If she is left with no one to take her she stays at the activity location and they call her parents to pick her up.

Also you don't need to tell them you don't go home straight after you don't need to make any excuses, Just tell them no.

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/02/2025 09:22

Feck that mother is crap. Next time return the child to the organiser and leave. If you get any grief I'd tell her if it happens again you'll be in touch with social services.

thehorsesareallidiots · 12/02/2025 09:23

How old are the DC?

I think you were bonkers to ever take her tbh. Just leave with your DC after the next session. The event organisers will have to call the parents or, if necessary, social services. Zero percent your problem, and it sounds like perhaps the authorities could do with being involved.

crappymeal · 12/02/2025 09:24

Don't give the kid a lift home. The mum hasn't asked and you haven't offered. It's a bit shit that the child will be left at the end but it's not your problem, it's the mums who couldn't be arsed to collect her.

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 09:25

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:18

@ioveelephants the child told me their addrss. No one was home when I got there, only their boarder. Child seemed to think that was normal.

What's a boarder? Are you in the UK? Based on this (if this is even real) you need to disengage completely, pick up your child and leave. Let the leaders deal with the parents. And you should also be reporting to social services for neglectful behaviour on their part.

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:25

The other parents seemed to think I was being incredibly unreasonable for dithering over it. They all seem to know each other well, but live in the opposite direction. We do have a group chat for parents, it's mostly used to send out reminders of any extra kit the children need to bring. I think I'll put a post on there saying I'm unable to give lifts anymore

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/02/2025 09:26

If she does it today flag the issue with staff at the activity and tell them the child has, in effect been abandoned. You are a complete stranger to them.

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 09:26

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:25

The other parents seemed to think I was being incredibly unreasonable for dithering over it. They all seem to know each other well, but live in the opposite direction. We do have a group chat for parents, it's mostly used to send out reminders of any extra kit the children need to bring. I think I'll put a post on there saying I'm unable to give lifts anymore

Yes do that.

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:27

Boarder aka lodger

OP posts:
MTP312 · 12/02/2025 09:28

I think I'll put a post on there saying I'm unable to give lifts anymore

Yep, do this - looking forward to an update!

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:29

@Barrenfieldoffucks I'm not a stranger to them as such, I often stay and help out, but I feel being expected to give lifts is too much especially when it impacts negatively on my child

OP posts:
Summerdew · 12/02/2025 09:29

You’re getting a lot of support for not taking the child home which is completely fair, but if you all know each other well then it’s not the same as a random child you don’t know. I don’t think I could leave a child without telling the parent I wouldn’t be taking them (yes I know she’s a CF), leaving her will just mean the organiser doesn’t get home on time. Just message her and tell her in advance.

Theuniversalshere1 · 12/02/2025 09:32

EarthlyNightshade · 12/02/2025 09:18

ha ha, good one

Of course you should not have taken the child, massive safeguarding risk, what were you even thinking?

This. Just say you go to grandparents or something straight after, or shopping. say no in firm terms.

How was child getting to and from before?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/02/2025 09:34

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes cannot believe the mother did not ask you and just expected it!! sorry, but I might have considered leaving the child and the activity organisers would have sorted it out!

custardpyjamas · 12/02/2025 09:34

I would make an excuse so their can be no discussion about you being unhelpful in the group, which can get nasty. We always do xyz afterwards, had to go out of our way to take her home, what were you thinking just leaving her, we really can't be in that position again, your poor child left like that, lay it on thick and preferably in public.

nodramaplz · 12/02/2025 09:35

So, I'd of taken said child to the teacher, told the teacher the child was under the impression I was taking him/her home and that there was no arrangements, no permission from said child's parents and I wouldn't be going that way today any way!

You licked it, so it's yours!!

Edited with this scenario,

The child just wanted to go home with you, so lied.
The parents weren’t home because they were at the collection point looking for their missing child!
Now you’re in trouble for taking someone’s child without permission!!