To not give her a lift?

[DreamingOfHotPotatoes]

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

Message. To be clear - this arrangement (that was thrust upon me without my consent) doesn't work for me or my dc.

And don’t be guilted by a sad abandoned child at the end of an activity. That’s on their parent not you. If the other parents make you feel bad, suggest they start a rota and drop this kid off themselves rather than making it your problem. You’ve done your slot.

Message her directly, and the group chat, and state clearly that you never offered or agreed to give her DC a lift home and you won't be doing it again. No more excuses or fudging the issue Op. It sounds like her DM goes out for the evening and doesn't care who looks after her child as long as it's not her

Just reply 'thats not possible please make other arrangements '.

YANBU

I thought you’d left yourself open with that reply.

Text her back right now.

“ Hi CFer, I really dont know what’s happened here. I ended up being responsible for your DD totally out of the blue, with no communication from you whatsoever. It’s not convenient for me to take/ drop back your child from XXXX due to my own family commitments, and I won’t be able to do it again so please make alternative arrangements. Thanks Dreaming

This op you don't have to supervise her child or drive around.

Tell the parent straight and stop being a doormat.

No more polite excuses or reasoning. This is a CF who isn't just cheeky, she is a bulldozer.

"No, it is not 'fine'. I am not able and not willing to give a lift to your child. You will have to make other arrangements. I will not be doing it."

Don't worry about not seeming nice, that's what she's banking on. My blood is boiling just reading it.

If you need some motivation think about your poor child being shoved and hating the journey home! And the little shit kicking the back of your seat. I bet you didn't get a thank you either.

I wouldn't feel safe being involved with such a person.

It really is a safe guarding issue that needs reporting to the Leader.

Do you have a phone number for the Leader?

If so inform them exactly what happened and that you were put in a terrible safe guarding position.
That you need them to know formally that you have no involvement or responsibility for ANY child bar your own.
Tell them you are texting so that YOU have a record of this for safe guarding purposes.

Or they call social services. When she arrives tonight tell her you're not taking her child home and that if she leaves her there you'll report her. Only thing these people understand. No excuses, no I'm sorry I can't, they read that as weakness. And next time a strange kid kicks the back of your chair pull over and tell them your not driving while they're kicking you. Yes you have to be rude, nothing else is understood by people like this.

Ffs. I've now got 2 other parents on the group chat questioning why I can't do it. Saying "it takes a village to raise children"
I hate this. Why can't people just raise their own children?!

She's obviously a CF but honestly couldn't get upset about giving a child a lift home once a week if it's in the same direction. Seems such a pointless thing to get worked up about. I'm also curious as to how this child kicked your daughter out of the front seat and still managed to kick your drivers seat?

Ignore completely.

Reply, "Oh good, there you go, a couple of volunteers. I'm glad you got it sorted."

Because I don’t want to and it isn’t convenient. Please can we draw a line under this now - I’ve made my position clear that I’m not willing to take responsibility for someone else’s child.

What an absolute brass neck she is!

Perfect!

Hold firm OP - NO.

As long as you have made it clear you are not taking this child do not reply further.

Speak to the session organiser and tell them ahead of the session that you will not be taking the child home so they are aware of the issue.

Do not allow yourself to be bullied.

Perfect response 😁

I would reply, if that is the case case I guess it is your turn.

How can she be in the front seat but also be kicking the back of your seat?

Anyway, message the mum to tell her it's not convenient - make up that you have another class to go to or something.

The audacity of that reply!

Other posters have great replies but I feel like it needs to be pointed out to the group that none of this is asked, though it sounds like they'll side with her annoyingly!

"Since I wasn't asked about this which would have given me a chance to say in the first place, let me clarify that it doesn't work for me, so please ensure your child's journey home isn't my responsibility"

I'd also ring who ever is running the activity and make it clear you will not be taking the child home.

Ask where your village is then, its not like shes offering mutual support shes just taking without asking. I'd simply say it doesn't work with your child's needs and since the mum left her with you without so much as a please and the child hurt your DC and kicked your seat over and over you have no intention of being part of their village. Alternatively drop a link to this thread and hopefully they'll realise how much of a CF this mum is and how nasty their being to you.

Unfortunately offering an excuse is a mistake.
So the shopping excuse was a disaster.
We visit family afterwards if you feel you need to, is best.

Best to say "I'm afraid that doesn't suit me".

You're going to have to match her brass neck. I'd reply to the village comment with something like "What a nice idea, I'll be happy to share the load with the other 'villagers' and while we're at it, I could do with some help with XYZ. Any takers?"

As for her, say "I'm not committing to this, especially when you didn't even have the courtesy to ask me first. Find someone else."

I wouldn't even care if the rest of the group turned on me, not when the clear alternative is becoming her unpaid personal nanny.