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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 12/02/2025 09:36

That sounds so wrong, so you took a child home from an activity, without the permission of the Parent?

SJM1988 · 12/02/2025 09:37

Was it left last week that you would be taking her home again?

Pre-empt the situation now.
Send a message now to say sorry I can't give xx a lift to or from the activity.
If pushed tell them you were never asked in the first place and if you had been you could have explained why it wouldn't be possible.

If you then turn up and the child if left for you to take home again, remind the leaders of your message and just leave the child with them. They will then contact the mum.

takealettermsjones · 12/02/2025 09:38

LadyKenya · 12/02/2025 09:36

That sounds so wrong, so you took a child home from an activity, without the permission of the Parent?

Quite - and then took them to an address that was given by the child (and seemingly not verified by any adult) and then left them effectively home alone, apart from the random stranger who also lives there...

Theuniversalshere1 · 12/02/2025 09:39

SJM1988 · 12/02/2025 09:37

Was it left last week that you would be taking her home again?

Pre-empt the situation now.
Send a message now to say sorry I can't give xx a lift to or from the activity.
If pushed tell them you were never asked in the first place and if you had been you could have explained why it wouldn't be possible.

If you then turn up and the child if left for you to take home again, remind the leaders of your message and just leave the child with them. They will then contact the mum.

This if something happened with no consent? Wowzers. Also, they could accusenyou of anything. You don't know these people at all. Safeguard yourself and child, and theirs by handing to teacher next time.

Just say we go shopping or go grandma's and it'd not an option etc.

ilovelamp82 · 12/02/2025 09:41

ILoveRadio6 · 12/02/2025 09:18

I agree with the above post.

Don't give the child a lift again. The people running the activity will have to contact the parents and sort it out. It isn't your problem.

This

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:41

@LadyKenya no, the mother had messaged the other parents on the group chat and told them I was taking her child home.

I have put a message on the group chat saying I am unable to give lifts home as I do my grocery shopping after the activity.

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 12/02/2025 09:42

This happened to me years ago with a gymnastics class. I told the teacher that yes our children are friends, but no one has asked me to collect her?! And I don't even know where she lives. The teacher rang her mother. I stood with her and the teacher until her mum came. She looked mad, but didn't say anything to me. Who expects someone to collect their child without asking that person first?! The mind boggles! I found out later on, that she does this alot. Once you start doing it, it's hard to pull out because it's expected. Just post on the group chat, " Hi x, I'm sorry I can't give any more lifts." Be prepared that the teacher will assume you're taking this child home. Tell her at the beginning that you've never been asked to take him home, last week was a one off and that you cannot take him anymore. This allows her to contact mum, to ensure a lift's been arranged at the end.

Creameded · 12/02/2025 09:43

Absolutely not.
It doesn't suit you or your child.

This is not normal behaviour.
This is CF behaviour.
The mistake was even doing it once.

Do not argue the point or explain.
Just repeat that it doesn't suit you.

Then cease to reply.
What awful people.

Definitely tell the person running the group exactly what happened and that you are responsible solely for your own child and will not be giving anyone any lifts.

Don't be surprised at pushback.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 12/02/2025 09:43

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:41

@LadyKenya no, the mother had messaged the other parents on the group chat and told them I was taking her child home.

I have put a message on the group chat saying I am unable to give lifts home as I do my grocery shopping after the activity.

It's too late now but you should have told them what you said on here. Plus made it clear that you had not been asked therefore no permissions exist. Had there been a reply yet?

CurlewKate · 12/02/2025 09:43

How did she kick your seat from the front?

ilovelamp82 · 12/02/2025 09:43

Oh that's good that you have a way to pre warn that you won't be giving a lift. Honestly some people. I can't imagine just ditching my child and hoping someone would grab them. Crazy.

EarthlyNightshade · 12/02/2025 09:44

LadyKenya · 12/02/2025 09:36

That sounds so wrong, so you took a child home from an activity, without the permission of the Parent?

DH is an activity leader and they would get into a lot of trouble if they allowed a child to go home with someone without the permission of the parent.

In this case it's even worse as the OP does not even know if the child was left at their home.

(Of course, these children might all be 16/17 in which case it would be fine)

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:45

@CurlewKate she shoved my child, I told her she had to sit in the back. So she kicked the back of my seat the whole way home

OP posts:
Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 09:46

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:45

@CurlewKate she shoved my child, I told her she had to sit in the back. So she kicked the back of my seat the whole way home

How old are the kids?

Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:49

I've had a reply. I'm staring at it in disbelief. Basically, she says its fine if I have to do the food shop after the activity, her child won't mind tagging along! Clearly I'm crap at saying no. I'm just going to have to be rude aren't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:51

@Funykeudfh 10 and 11

OP posts:
GoldGuide · 12/02/2025 09:51

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:45

@CurlewKate she shoved my child, I told her she had to sit in the back. So she kicked the back of my seat the whole way home

So the kid is horrible to your kid, and the mum is horrible to you (by the pure CFery nature).

Well done on standing up for yourself and sending the message that you're unable to give lifts! Stand strong and don't change the stance.

cstaff · 12/02/2025 09:51

Fucking hell OP - just say it doesn't suit you. That is insane. Cheeky Fucker

Creameded · 12/02/2025 09:52

OP, do NOT respond to any attempt to argue the point with you.

You are not available.
But tell the group leader the minute you go in what happened and that you were put in a shocking position of responsibility by a parent who never contacted you.

Make it clear this is a serious safe guarding issue and you will not be put in that position again and that THEY need to take action to protect the child and other parents from this.

Make sure you say there was no parent home nor an address.

Kindly meant OP but many parents wojld have walked that child up to the leader and refused any part of this.

Huge red flag.

GoldGuide · 12/02/2025 09:52

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:49

I've had a reply. I'm staring at it in disbelief. Basically, she says its fine if I have to do the food shop after the activity, her child won't mind tagging along! Clearly I'm crap at saying no. I'm just going to have to be rude aren't I?

Yes, just say "that doesn't work for me. You'll need to organise your own child's journey home."

MakeItToTheMoon · 12/02/2025 09:52

I am truly shocked that a parent has left there child at an activity assuming you will drop them off! They didn't even ask you?

If I was you I would refuse as you are not their personal taxi driver. You don't even need to give an excuse... the audacity of some people leaves me astounded.

Creameded · 12/02/2025 09:53

Spell it out.

I AM NOT BRINGING YOUR CHILD HOME.

Tell the Leader the minute you arrive.

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 12/02/2025 09:53

You have to be super firm with people like this.

“I mind though. I’m not available to give lifts. Please don’t ask again (not that you asked the first time).”

unless you think that being blunt will impact your child’s experience in class. In which case - “it’s still not possible. You need to make other arrangements to transport your child to and from this class.”

Savemefromwetdog · 12/02/2025 09:54

GoldGuide · 12/02/2025 09:52

Yes, just say "that doesn't work for me. You'll need to organise your own child's journey home."

Show quote history

This is perfect. And notify the staff at the activity of what’s been going on and that you will not be taking her DC home.

DomPom47 · 12/02/2025 09:54

Just respond, this does not work for me. Please make sure your child is collected.