She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

That's insane. Like, legitimately insane. She can't expect you to sell your house so she can buy a new house! Tell her no.

Did your brother know about this? Would be back you up?

Don't give it back. She is being unreasonable. And unfair.

Work out how much it would cost you to remortgage and how much it would cost to move and ask your mum if she really wants to cost you that much money just so she can move herself. Her gift will end up costing you a shit ton.

She wants to make you homeless so she can move to a nice area. Say no, politely. That doesn't make any sense.

Please don’t give it back. It’s a gift, you spent it (like your brother) and it’s gone.

she needs to rethink her moving/life plans.

Don’t feel guilty, nothing to feel guilty about. A gift should Never make you feel guilty.

I would say “no, the money is gone and I’m not going to sell my home. Sorry mum. Make
of it what you will.”

She can't look at you as a piggy Bank to be raided because her circumstances changed five years later..she should have thought of that before giving money to you and your brother.

What did she spend her £100k on?...

I'd send a copy of the gift declaration. Emphasise that as a separate matter, you don't have £50k to lend her.

There are no tax implications on money gifts UNLESS the donor dies within 7 years of gifting the money, in which case IHT comes into play.

There is a common theme among several threads this week. It is all about how daughters, especially eldest daughters, are supposed to be there for everyone else and accept that every other family member appears to be more important than they are. They are not allowed to have any feelings of their own except to encourage everyone else, even when it is at a disadvantage to them. Should they express feelings of hurt or try to stand up for themselves, they are basically told not to be so silly and that those feelings do not matter. The same rules do not apply to anyone else, especially younger brothers, who are smiled on indulgently. @HereForItMaybe, l would imagine that this has been the pattern all your life - that it is your duty as the daughter to put yourself out for everyone else and expect nothing in return, even when this means that you lose your biggest asset. If, and when, your mother brings up the subject again, I would remind her that it was a gift not a loan and that she signed papers that are binding in law to say that it was a gift. If she persists - and she will - you MUST point out that you spent the money wisely in order to buy your house and that you cannot give it to her without considerable loss, to the point of making you and your family homeless. Ask her if she would really like to see her grandchildren on the streets. Then mention that your brother is in a much better financial position and if she is truly desperate for the money she could ask him to sell one of his posh cars. You could also add that your aunt seems very concerned about her welfare, in which case perhaps she might be in a position to help. If the aunt mentions it to you again, I agree with others who have said that you could suggest to her that if she is so concerned for her sister then she could open her own purse to help out. All said with a very sweet smile.

Totally unreasonable for her to ask for it back, especially 5 years later. A gift cannot be rescinded, legally or morally. Also outrageous that you should be penalised for using your gift towards a property (a very sensible thing to do) whereas your brother gets off the hook e he passed his away on a holiday and TWO cars. Why can’t he sell the cars?

Your DM is being incredibly unreasonable. Does she really think it’s ok to force you to sell your home? Tell her to do one.

A world of no.

This is worth falling out over. Auntie can go fuck herself too.

She Gifted you money. It’s not her’s to claim back. Don’t give her it, you’ll ruin your life. She’s a horror, I’d block and ignore her now.

But it isn’t still there!

You’ve bought a home.

it would be different if you had bought the house to rent out but you didn’t. It’s your home.

Surely she wouldn’t expect you to sell it? Would she not care if you had to pay out exorbitant monthly rent

As for your auntie it’s none of her business. If she feels that badly why doesn’t she give her some money?

Your brother has got off lightly. Why can’t he sell his home?

i’m sorry but I wouldn’t be giving it back if it was a gift.

All the best in sorting this out op.

The money is gone. Spent. You're living in it. She can't have it back because it's been used already.

It doesn't matter what your mum or your interfering aunt thinks, it has gone.

They can have a chat to your mortgage lender, maybe, and see if they want to just hand over £50K because your mum fancies moving. Bank staff deserve a good laugh as much as anyone.

Your mum and aunt really expect you to sell your home, your security as your mum fancies moving to a more expensive area. Nope, aabsolutely not @HereForItMaybe , they don’t have your best interests at heart. Please don’t do it.

It’s far easier to sell two cars than it is a house.

Does your Mum not mind seeing you homeless? There’s still loads you aren’t saying, don’t you get on with your Mum?

Surely you would say ‘So you seriously want me to put my house on the market Mum? I have to give you back the 50k so I’ll have to take out a bigger mortgage whilst interest rates are super high? I don’t think I could afford to do that Mum. I can’t believe you want me to sell the house that you helped me buy! It was a gift! I have to sell my home while brother gets to keep his money because he spent his 50k on cars?? I put mine in to bricks and mortar and he’s spunked it on cars! I’ve just been on We Buy Any Car and put his reg numbers in. He’d get 12k for the BMW and 9k for the Land Rover. It’s far easier to sell cars than houses Mother, he could have the cash by the end of the week. Selling a house, finding a new one and all that entails is likely to take all year.

Have you explained that you'll have to sell your house to repay her gift?

She sounds a bit bonkers to me.

This seems like an example where keeping it short was a bad idea.
This cries out for more background: Was there an explanation for the request? What's the relationship like? How did you respond originally? Did you ask about your brother? How badly do you need the money?
I don't think you could get a reasonable answer with the bare question.

Just say no. You've spent it.

Don’t give the money back! No way. She’s totally unfair asking it. You’ve a choice to be the “awful greedy daughter” in her eyes versus being “the fool put upon daughter of the unfair and awful greedy mother“ in your own eyes

Clarify with her that her gift was not actually a gift and say well to repay my what I thought was a gift I’d have to sell MY home. You will know how she really feels about you if she says yes sell.

Alternative ask her to ask you db to also pay his back.

Or suggest you and your brother pay halfback, especially if she only needs half back.

Tel, your aunt to fuck offout of it,

Sorry, Mum. You didn't say that the gift came with obligations to treat it as a loan. It was a gift because you said so.
It's gone through my tax, it's invested in my home and, I won't be selling my home.

Stick to that.

I definitely wouldn't sell your home op and please don't feel guilty. Say to your mum that you no longer have the money as she's well aware that you used it to buy your home. If she or anyone else falls out with you then that says everything about them. Also ignore other family members this is nothing to do with them.