She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

If your brother spent some of his 'gift' on cars he could sell them to give money back.

And it doesn't matter what your aunt says or thinks.. you can see from this thread that this is batshit behaviour. Hardly anyone would think it acceptable of your mum to expect you to sell your home so she could have back money she gave you as a gift 5 years ago. You need to be assertive here. You are totally in the right.

This.

Also if you declared it as a gift then it has tax implications. So if you give her 50k you are not repaying a loan - you are making her a gift of 50k which also has tax implications for everyone.

Your mother is being bizarre.

If it was a gift, then it's unreasonable to expect to get it back. Otherwise it's a loan, not a gift.

OP said her mum "asked for it back". She didn't say "demanded it back"

Say no. She gifted it to you - and it’s not fair your brother gets his to keep!

Oh dear. Your aunt is a flying monkey.

My mum and aunt once both marched me to a cash point to ‘lend’ [never paid back] £700 of my freshly paid student loan prior to me going to university. I say this because I think I know this relationship of yours well. I wonder how much the boundaries have been blurred between yourself and your mum’s existence (but not so much your brother’s, if at all - hence her not making this demand of him).

Don’t you dare feel obligated to give that money back. Get some firm boundaries in place and grey rock, if needed.

Have you spoken with your brother about this?

Sometimes when people are being underhand it's best to be transparent with others so they can provide an alternative perspective to that of your mother and also your aunt. I would imagine your brother would also be disinclined to agree to giving the gift back....

Absolutely not. She should have thought about that before gifting it. And the imbalance of asking only you (who’s spent it on something sensible) and not your DB (who has spent it on luxuries) is awful.

I’m fuming and upset on your part.

Please don’t even think about giving it back OP. Where is your anger? Find it!

Asking for it back in the first place is awful behaviour. Asking you for it back and not your brother is disgusting and unfair.
Asking you to potentially screw the rest of your life up by selling your home instead of asking your brother to sell a couple cars is just fucking vile.

I would never, ever do something like this to my daughter. Your mother and your aunt are awful people.

Is she asking if you could, or demanding that you do? If demanding, that would be a no from me; you're under no obligation to give it back.

IF she desperately needed the money, asked you if you could help, and you had it to give, THEN I'd consider doing it - not as a return of the gift, but as family helping family.

If she knows your only way to give her the money is to sell your house and move (she's not thinking you can take out a loan against it, or mortgage, or that you have other assets, or something?) then that's pretty awful of her.

My aunt (her sister) has now been telling me I really ought to give her the money back. Hard ignore; none of her business. Or ask her if SHE can give it.

What has happened to the value of your house if you sell? There will be costs to selling and buying another house, so unless you've had a decent increase in value you'll be losing out if you give her 50k. If this is the case I'd suggest you point this out to her and at best agree to give her back what puts you in the same position as before.
I appreciate she is your mum but what a cunt!

When she gave you the money what did she say, what were the terms, was it a loan or definitely a gift? If it was a gift then she is being totally appalling and has no right to ask for it back, it doesn’t make sense at all. You have sensibly used it to buy property so tell her no, that’s not possible. Just keep on repeating that. Ignore aunt. It’s none of her business. Stay strong OP you have done nothing wrong but she sounds like a most unreliable mother.

If your mum lacks capacity or is confused or vulnerable, then you should not accept large gifts from her obviously, but from what you've said, there was no sign of anything like that at the point she shared her legacy with you.
Anyway, now that you have accepted it and used the money I don't see how you can pay her back, except by giving her time and attention when necessary and talking through her major decisions with her and offering advice.
Have you or someone else got a power of attorney set up for her?

she's asking me and not my brother as she knows I put the money towards a house purchase, so it's sort of still 'there' whereas he spent his.

"Sorry Mum but I've spent mine maybe see if Jack still has some left over. Oh what - he frittered his away on a holiday and a car - if he has money to burn I'm sure he can help you - sadly I used mine to put a roof over my/DC(if you have them) head so no longer have the funds." Every single time she or her flying monkey - your aunt - raise the issue revert to "Jack was able to fritter the money away so he must have funds to burn and I don't unless I sacrifice the roof over my head which I'm not prepared to do." Any push back you ask why you are expected to sell your house but your brother isn't expected to sell his.

Why not ask you both for £25k each? She is being ridiculous and you should 100% say no. Why should you lose your home?

What nonsense.

First of all, a gift is a gift. It wasn't a loan. Once given it is gone.

Second, even if the money was sat in the bank I don't think mum could ask for it back, but the fact it is invested in your home means she really can't.

If the suggestion is you could have spent the money on booze and holidays and that would be fine, but putting it into a house is wasting the money and so she can ask for it back is just bizarre.

Tell her the money is gone. You bought the house with your own money and you spent her money on supporting a donkey orphanage in Peru, so you cannot get it back. Tell her to say hi to Pedro if she ever visits.

Tell the aunt she isn't part of this story.

I am so sorry. I have no concept as to why a mother would do something so kind and then turn it into something so nasty, and why her sister would support her.

Keep the money. I honestly think that if you give it back that will be forgotten before the end of the day.

That would be my reaction too! What a bloody chancer! I'd never accept so much as a cup of sugar from her again though. That's appalling!

So have you actually said to her that the money she gave you is now tied up in the house that you and her grandchild live in? And that you would have to sell your home in order to pay it back?

Is there any chance she just thinks you've invested it/put it under your mattress so can easily lay your hands on it? Not that any of that would excuse the ridiculousness of her request. Who on earth asks for a gift back - of any description?!

Is your mother completely crazy?

Inheritance tax is if giver dies within 7 years of gifting over £3k per tax year

It was a gift, you spent that gift. That's the end of it.

I feel quite strongly about this. DO NOT give it back. This was a gift which you accepted as a gift. I can't believe she would expect you to sell the house. She is being ridiculous.

dont forget the IHT threshold is 500k if the estate passes to your children & includes a property

Apart from the fact that it would be entirely unreasonable for her to insist that you sell your house, they're would be a large cost in you doing so. Estate agents fees, legal fees, removal costs and a deposit on a rental (I assume) would eat into that money. It fits without saying that she would have to meet those costs.

Your mum and your aunt are entirely unreasonable. The money has been spent on the house, and was registered legally as a gift, not a loan.

You say no, and make it clear that it's not just that you don't want to, you actually cannot do this.

Your being punished for spending your money wisely. Dig your heels in.