She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

NO is a full sentence.

The Cheeky flipping mare that she is.

Please, please don’t give in to her

It doesn't matter what the money was spent on. He has equity, you have equity so you are both equally able to pay her back.

Personally, I think she is unbelievably unreasonable to ask for a gift back. She is even more unreasonable to only ask one of you for it back. If she was in danger of losing her house and becoming homeless then asking could you both help her would be reasonable but that is not the case.

Is there a history of her favouring your brother because it makes no sense to only ask you to give her the money?

You have a number of choices:

1. Sell your house, give her the money and resent her for ever more.
2. Give her some money from your savings and resent the fact your brother wasn't asked the same. Your mother is likely to be annoyed she's not getting the total amount so probably a lose-lose
3. Agree that both you and your brother both give her a similar amount from savings. There is still the potential for annoyance on your mother's part as it won't be enough.
4. Say no. Your mother will be annoyed but at least your will keep your home.

Personally, I think number 4 is the only sensible option. Someone ends up pissed off regardless of what you do so you might as well keep your house.

Have you pointed out the money you'll lose if you have to sell your house to pay her back?

Stamp duty, legal fees on the purchase of your existing house, then all that again for a new house PLUS all the estate agent / legal fees on selling your house. Not to mention removal costs.

Will you get a comparable mortgage rate too?

Whether or not she's right to ask for her gift back, it shouldn't leave you in a worse position than before the gift, so all these costs ought to be deducted from the £50k - I can't imagine there would be too much left.

I meant after speaking to the brother to clarify everything with him and if he can afford anything at all. It all depends on the family set up. My family are toxic and no longer speak to me so my advice comes from that side of things.

I was just trying to say I understand how the OP feels as I’ve had niggling doubts since I was given the inheritance, I declined it for a year initially as I don’t think there’s any such thing as gift there’s always strings attached later on. But then I was being made homeless so I was forced to take the inheritance so I could rent elsewhere.

I would be having a conversation with both and your aunt and point out you were both given £50k, and you have both spent it and therefore it’s not available any more, and as a gift she can’t ask for it back, and certainly not from just one child.

if she wishes to downsize to a more expensive area that’s her choice, but you can’t help and won’t discuss it any further

I'd probably say no, but if you felt you had to say I can give you a max of £20k back (or whatever) but only when you confirm that brother is giving the same, he may need a loan against his house too.

"Sure mum, on the same day DBro does."

You can’t sell everything you own to give a gift back.

Tell her it’s long gone.

OP say " I'll give the money back the day my Brother gives it back". Simple.

On the positive side……Rarely has an inheritance type question prompted such a universal reply favouring the beneficiary 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You should say no and express that you are hurt that she thinks you should lose your home because of it.

Db could remortgage too. Doesn’t matter that his didn’t go in the house. He could still raise it through his house. Fair is fair.

This. There is no "give it back", there is only "give". And it should not be given.

I think you should just say to her - Sorry mum, I couldn't do that without selling, and I'm not going to do that to my family. You should have said that you might want it back when you gave the me money, I wouldn't have used it the way I did.

Even if you decided that it was the right thing to do to give her the money back, the expense of having to sell your place and buy another at a price you can afford, including stamp duty, removals, days off work to sell your place and find, buy, move and set things up, etc. in the new place would probably put a big dent in it.

You can't give someone something then change your mind 5 years later and say it was only loaned.

This is really hurtful of her. Tell her you wouldn't have taken the money if there was any hint it was a loan but you've a lawyer's document which says it wasn't, it was a gift.

So your mother wants you to sell YOUR home so that SHE can buy a new one? That’s horrible.

NO..it was a gift not a loan.

I would offer half and she could ask your brother for the rest. If it doesn’t work out you can give in later on. But it seems unfair on you.

This. No way should you give it back.

"The paperwork that was signed when we used the money for a house deposit declared it to be a gift with no strings. If I repay it to you that makes that document fraudulent because it will have been a loan not a gift, and if I agreed to a fraud like that the bank could foreclose on thr mortgage and I could lose my house. I cannot do it. The money is spent"

It would be a no from me. It was a gift, and it's been spent. If she thought she'd have needed it she shouldn't have gifted it in the first place. Maybe she could ask your brother, but I suspect not.

But why not your brother?

Where is she expecting you to live? I think I would say no and tell aunt to keep her nose out.

Absolutely do not sell your house to return this money, and tell anyone suggesting you should, nicely if you like, where they can shove their opinions. You have spent the money and you don't have it any more. Your brother has also spent the money.
I am astounded that you DM has asked for it back in the first place, that is the only unreasonable behaviour here.

What has your brother said about all this @HereForItMaybe ? It’s very unfair that she’s asking you but not him. It’s unfair of her full stop.

Absolutely do not give the money back.
Say no and if she continues to bother you then go no contact.
It's absolutely outrageous that she would expect you to sell your home to give back money which was given as a gift.. with no talk of it being returned at the time.
You have to be firm here.
She is being completely unreasonable.