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AIBU?

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Original poster

She wants the gifted money back

1000 replies

HereForItMaybe · 11/02/2025 21:49

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Original poster
HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 20:39

MounjaroOnMyMind · 12/02/2025 19:33

Think back to the very first time she mentioned giving you some money. What did she say?

I can't remember verbatim exactly - it was part of a wider discussion about the inheritance at first, she had said it was sorted out now (probate etc) and she'd love to give a lump sum to my brother and to me. She said how much, and how much she'd be keeping.

I asked if she was sure and I do remember asking her to think about it for a while before deciding, but it was only a week or so later that she said my brother had his lump sum deposited in his account. I think he went to the bank with her to transfer it in person.

For me, I didn't receive it until I then exchanged and completed on my house around 5 months later - the £50k was sent direct to my solicitors, hence the paperwork beforehand to ensure it was a gift and not a loan; she agreed to have no claim on the title of the house deeds.

Edit typo

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 12/02/2025 20:41

Rightsraptor · 12/02/2025 18:46

I'm a bit worried about your meeting with your mother. If you are persuaded to hand the money back by selling your house, as others have said, it'll cost you. All the expenses of moving house and these aren't negligible. So her gifting you £50k could cost you £70k or so. This surely isn't tenable.

A lot more than 70k if you count increased interest rates of a new mortgage or opportunity cost / getting off the property ladder.

This would have lifelong financial consequences for OP.

ChristmasPudd1990 · 12/02/2025 20:41

mumedu · 12/02/2025 20:11

Give it back. All of it, or however much you can. You are withholding information, so it's not reasonable to ask strangers online without more context.

In what way would more context improve this situation??? We know the important parts. 50 grand gift and now the parent wants it back because they want to move to a more expensive area.

MyrtleLion · 12/02/2025 20:53

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 20:39

I can't remember verbatim exactly - it was part of a wider discussion about the inheritance at first, she had said it was sorted out now (probate etc) and she'd love to give a lump sum to my brother and to me. She said how much, and how much she'd be keeping.

I asked if she was sure and I do remember asking her to think about it for a while before deciding, but it was only a week or so later that she said my brother had his lump sum deposited in his account. I think he went to the bank with her to transfer it in person.

For me, I didn't receive it until I then exchanged and completed on my house around 5 months later - the £50k was sent direct to my solicitors, hence the paperwork beforehand to ensure it was a gift and not a loan; she agreed to have no claim on the title of the house deeds.

Edit typo

Edited
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As it was legally declared as a gift, and that she has no legal claim on the title, you can make that clear to her.

"When you gave me the money, you made a legal gift and agreed you would have no claim on the house. The only way I can give you the money, is to sell my house, meaning you are claiming on the house. Which you legally agreed you would not do."

I know you want to do what's morally right. Morally (and legally) she shouldn't be asking you for the money. Morally she shouldn't be putting you in this position.

Also, if you return the money are you going to make it a gift? And if so would you tell her that you are giving it but might want it back?

I would encourage you to get a solicitor to wrote to your mother setting out the legal position.

I am really furious on your behalf and would be tempted to conduct all discussions via solicitor's letter.

I mean how very dare she?

Oldieandgoldie · 12/02/2025 20:55

Sorry mum, but as this was a gratefully accepted gift - agreed legally by the solicitors - I am not in a position to return the money. But (bro & I?) happy to help you budget going forward, if necessary.

JustmeandtheChickens · 12/02/2025 20:57

The answer is No.

You entered into an agreement with your mother in good faith and trusted her that it would be permanent - drawn up properly and disclosed to HMRC.

What would you have done if she had said there was a risk she would want the money back at some point?

Why does she now think it's reasonable to make a decision that would cause you significant financial damage and upheaval.

She is a grown up who needs to own her decisions and live her future live accordingly.

Seriously. Stand firm.

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 20:57

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 20:39

I can't remember verbatim exactly - it was part of a wider discussion about the inheritance at first, she had said it was sorted out now (probate etc) and she'd love to give a lump sum to my brother and to me. She said how much, and how much she'd be keeping.

I asked if she was sure and I do remember asking her to think about it for a while before deciding, but it was only a week or so later that she said my brother had his lump sum deposited in his account. I think he went to the bank with her to transfer it in person.

For me, I didn't receive it until I then exchanged and completed on my house around 5 months later - the £50k was sent direct to my solicitors, hence the paperwork beforehand to ensure it was a gift and not a loan; she agreed to have no claim on the title of the house deeds.

Edit typo

Edited
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JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO. you are doing my head in about how nice you're being - she's fine, you'll be fine it's all good. You don't have it to give. Say no. No no no. You are so sweet and giving she is going to prey on that. Say no I do not have it mum and I cannot raise it and it was a gift goodbye.

goodnightgrumble · 12/02/2025 20:59

Can't you both give her 25k each?

saraclara · 12/02/2025 21:00

It's better still that she sent the money direct to the solicitors. It proves exactly what the money was for and that every penny was spent on the house.

She really cannot get out of this in any legal way.

steff13 · 12/02/2025 21:00

mumedu · 12/02/2025 20:11

Give it back. All of it, or however much you can. You are withholding information, so it's not reasonable to ask strangers online without more context.

Would you like to share the rest of the story?

ChristmasPudd1990 · 12/02/2025 21:01

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 20:57

JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO. you are doing my head in about how nice you're being - she's fine, you'll be fine it's all good. You don't have it to give. Say no. No no no. You are so sweet and giving she is going to prey on that. Say no I do not have it mum and I cannot raise it and it was a gift goodbye.

Show quote history

Totally agree. Neither of you are homeless,but if you agree to this,you could well be OP 😞

ChristmasPudd1990 · 12/02/2025 21:01

goodnightgrumble · 12/02/2025 20:59

Can't you both give her 25k each?

Why??

LameBorzoi · 12/02/2025 21:02

Funykeudfh · 12/02/2025 20:57

JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO. you are doing my head in about how nice you're being - she's fine, you'll be fine it's all good. You don't have it to give. Say no. No no no. You are so sweet and giving she is going to prey on that. Say no I do not have it mum and I cannot raise it and it was a gift goodbye.

Show quote history

This sums it up, really. The "perhaps I could..." is giving me anxiety.

mammaS11 · 12/02/2025 21:06

Is this real?! Of course you shouldn't have to give it back and she should never have asked. I would be furious with her if I were you. So selfish. Horrible of her to ask you and not your brother too. If she needed it out of desperation that may be another story but she simply wants to move house. Nope.

Arran2024 · 12/02/2025 21:07

I was told by an estate agent to budget £60k to move house by the time we included estate agent fees, solicitor fees, removal fees, stamp duty, new curtains etc. It is ridiculous for your mum to expect you to sell up to give her the £50k. It will cost you a lot to move. Tell her you will give her the money minus your costs!

AlertCat · 12/02/2025 21:09

goodnightgrumble · 12/02/2025 20:59

Can't you both give her 25k each?

Just like that?? How?? It’s not the sort of sum most people can find down the back of the sofa!

Bushmillsbabe · 12/02/2025 21:09

If she gave it towards your house purchase, she would have had to sign a form saying it was a gift not a loan and she has no claim on your house. I can't remember exactly how this worked, but my parents gave us 10k and had to sign this, as we received it within a certain time period prior to the house purchase.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 12/02/2025 21:10

Just tell her tomorrow you need to speak to your solicitor... Speak to your db. Is he /his dw behind this?
Your relationship with her is soured now anyway imo. Can you really imagine calling at her new home for a cuppa? When she is happy to have you lose your home!!

I am fuming for you op!

ChristmasPudd1990 · 12/02/2025 21:11

Bushmillsbabe · 12/02/2025 21:09

If she gave it towards your house purchase, she would have had to sign a form saying it was a gift not a loan and she has no claim on your house. I can't remember exactly how this worked, but my parents gave us 10k and had to sign this, as we received it within a certain time period prior to the house purchase.

Op has already confirmed this.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 12/02/2025 21:12

Ask her to come to speak to your solicitor.. See if she can dare justify herself to the people she signed the forms for...

Original poster
HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 21:14

I've tried phoning my brother this evening - no answer so I've left a message.

Really nervous to mention it to him but I realise now I need to. I don't know why it's making me feel uncomfortable to discuss it, I feel like I'm opening a can of worms.

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 12/02/2025 21:15

Please do be careful. This STINKS, to me. I wonder if your mum is/was deliberately reducing her own assets for some reason. Again, I cannot stress too much - YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT £100K.

Challenger2A7 · 12/02/2025 21:16

Daughter! lay down your money!
Mother! come and get it!
(Apologies to the Spartans.)

MissUltraViolet · 12/02/2025 21:20

mumedu · 12/02/2025 20:16

Well, you don't know what the mum needs the money for. Care home expenses? Emergency? Even if you can't pay all of it, you can certainly pay a monthly amount.

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Read the posts, then you would know what she wants the money for.

FFS, the shite you are spouting.

JustmeandtheChickens · 12/02/2025 21:21

There is no discussion to be had with anyone.

A legally binding agreement was agreed and made.

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