She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

OP on reflection I would try and get hold of this document even if it takes months. Tell mum you are getting a copy of it and can do nothing till you get it. When it comes and proves you are right that’s the end of it. No emotional discussion tmro you will get a copy of the agreement and go from there.

@HereForItMaybe you are in a very unfair situation, your mum gifted you the money and it is very unfair to ask for it back. One thing it is tied up in property, so if you sell you will be out of pocket, as selling and buying comes with lots of costs and stamp duty. I would assume you would need to buy something smaller and cheaper. It should be irrelevant if your brother blew his, he also has a house that has equity in it. So he should be expected to pay it back too. Good luck with the conversation with yiur mum. You could always say, I will give you back the 50k minus the costs of releasing the money it will cost you to buy and sell.

Everyone insisting brother should also have to pay it back - no neither of them should. DM needs to forget about that money and find somewhere she can afford. Brother isn’t the problem DM

Really shocked that your mum would do this to you, I can’t imagine a parent expecting their child to sell their home to return money they were gifted, just because they “fancy a change”, and your aunt sounds like a right piece of work for taking her side.

So selfish and uncaring of your mother as this is completely avoidable and uncalled for, it’s not like she is in financial difficulty and asking for your help, she just wants to move to a more expensive area… WTF?

YANBU, absolutely not, stand your ground, say no! She shouldn’t even be asking you this.

Yess, Judge Judy! Can literally hear her saying those words:

It 👏 was 👏 a 👏 gift!! 👏

Don't even start to say "I will see what I can raise" or "I can look into it". It will confirm to her that she is^^ entitled to it.
You could say, "yes well I would like to live in Frogmore cottage but I cant afford it" Does she have friends as neighbours ?
Remind her that in X location she will know nobody.
Downsizing is a good idea, but not to Chelsea.
Tell her that your brother pissed his money up the wall but she isnt putting pressure on him to sell his house. ..
Say, noone ever mentioned a repayment, and she cannot now move the goal posts
You are not setting yourself on fire to keep her warm

Stand firm, OP! Don't offer to give her anything. As if you should put your housing situation at risk to satisfy some whim that she's on. Just needing a change isn't a good enough reason to risk her relationship with you or your wellbeing. Absolutely insane. It shows that she probably always thought of that money as hers but unfortunately for her, it is not, not legally or morally or in any way. Do not let her guilt trip you! You are under no obligation to even consider it.

I’m astonished anyone would do this to their own child. Has she maybe just not thought it through and doesn’t realise how much it would screw you over?

She surely can't be that dim. As OP explained, she had to declare it as a gift when buying her house, so she knows that OP has invested the whole £50K in her home. As a homeowner, she must realise the costs of buying and selling houses, so there would be costs involved in OP buying and moving somewhere cheaper or moving into rented accommodation, so those costs would have to come out of the £50K.

As the mother of an adult myself, I am also astonished that she would do this to her child. Most parents would be delighted to help their DC onto the property ladder and would have to be in absolutely desperate straits to ask for any of the money back. And yet, here is a mother (who owns a perfectly good home) who wants to deprive her DD of her home in order to get a better home for herself. A mother who also seems to have frittered away £100K..

I hadn't thought of the scam situation till someone else mentioned it but this could explain why the DM isn't thinking rationally.

OP is concerned about doing what is morally right, but her DM certainly isn't! OP will need to be strong when she meets her mum, but she has the power of Mumsnet behind her. She can see from the voting that she is far from unreasonable!

Give it back. All of it, or however much you can. You are withholding information, so it's not reasonable to ask strangers online without more context.

She can't. She would have to sell her house and incur all the costs and disruption that brings...

Also as PP said, is there someone putting these ideas into her head?
Is it the aunt saying it would be good if she moved nearer her ?
Has she got onset dementia ?

Well, you don't know what the mum needs the money for. Care home expenses? Emergency? Even if you can't pay all of it, you can certainly pay a monthly amount.

It's right there in the OP's 3rd post.

She wants the money as she wants to move house, downsizing, but to a much more expensive area.

The OP doesn't have the money she bought a house using the GIFT.

At least read the original posters posts.

Have you not read the op's posts? Her mother was to downsize to an expensive area so wants the money to buy a more expensive house than the one she already owns.

Well she does know!

Well, as with all questions on AIBU, we have to go with what OP has told us! And what her mum has told her, that she "needs" it to downsize her house but to one in a more expensive area. And how would paying a monthly amount enable her to do this exactly!

It is as simple as that. (Although I realise it must be very hard).

Selling a house for the sake of 50k is a really daft financial decision. It's just throwing away money.

She is asking you because you might actually consider doing it.

The mother apparently wants it so that she can downsize her home but to a more expensive area for property.

What are you rabbiting on about that we don't know what the mother needs the money for. We do. The OP said so.

@HereForItMaybe - your mother is looking for some or all of your £50k. You're not aware if she has approached your brother for any of his £50k that she gave as a gift to him.
What happened to the £100k that she kept for her self? If she is planning on moving to a smaller house, she should be able to release equity in her current property when it gets sold (unless she isn't actually planning on selling and she wants to hang on to that property and also buy a new property - using the money she wants back from you and your brother). Otherwise I can't see why she wouldn't use some or all of the £100k that she kept for herself.

If she asks you for the gift back, ask her what has happened to her £100k and why she isn't using that.

What?

😂😂😂😂

Do you know how to filter and read OPs posts?

I wouldn't engage beyond sorry Mum, its gone. however this ends, your relationship with your mother will not be the same.

Yes - it's just such a bizarre request from OP's mum, that it does seem quite possible that there is something else going on - pressure from a new partner or a scam.

You only think that OP is withholding information because you haven't bothered to read OP's posts. She has provided lots of information and 98% of posters think that OP is not being unreasonable.

OP's mum is completely out of order.

@mumedu are you the mother?? If so how do you know she is withholding information and not giving context?