She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

Yes exactly this. Sorry if I was unclear.

My money’s on the interfering Aunt !!

I think you have every reason to bd very very pissed off with your mother.

I would not be entertaining this.
I also would not mention any savings.

You made changes to your life because of this gift.

She doesn't get to ask for it back.
This is grounds to step away from your mother IMO, such an awful thing to do.

No way would I be selling your home.
Tell your aunt to mind her own business.

No mum I can't give it back. I used it towards buying my home.

If I were you, I would make sure that I was never in a position where my parents were 'in front of me' as I would never be in the same room as them again.

Your experience of abusive relationships obviously started with your own parents so, if possible, I would advise you to cut all contact with them.

You were very clear in what happened, not sure where PP got the idea you'd used it to "make a profit"

OP used it towards a house purchase and a solicitor was involved in legally declaring it as a gift. This is to satisfy money laundering rules, so l would think they would have to have had assurances that DM had capacity at the time. I don’t think she could claim otherwise now.

No, she means that she still has the house as she is living in it, so she could sell it to return the £50k to her mum.

It would obviously be totally awful of her mum to expect her to do this.

Exactly this. Remind her it was legally drawn up as a gift and therefore the only legal way would be you AND YOUR BROTHER gifting her. If you had the readies, which actually you don’t.

As Judge Judy always says 'it was a gift!' You don't ask for them back. She might as well just be asking you for an unrelated £50k. So do you want to fund your mother's move to a pricier area?

Just a bit of a non-update; I'll be meeting her tomorrow to talk things through.

I really don't want to have to sell my home to give her the money back. I understand everyone saying just to say no, but it doesn't feel as simple as that (or maybe I'm too sensitive?).

Ideally I'd love for her to see that and tell me not to worry about it.

As an aside, and I'm only guessing, but I think she won't have asked my brother as he has children and I don't, so she feels he has more responsibility (which he does, being a dad).

But that's just me guessing/assuming, I'll try and get a clearer picture tomorrow.

Thank you again for the thoughts and opinions, it's helped me take a step back to think.

Edited a typo.

Your brother is in a better position to give it back as he can remortgage and release equity. Yours was a declared legal gift and so you can't.

Equally he can sell cars as easily as you can.

But no. Neither of you should be considering it, as hard as that sounds. Losing your house because your mum has gone back on a financial gift?! No. That is cruel of your mum to even ask, even crueller she hasn't asked your brother.

You also need to think of the legal ramifications OP. The money was legally declared as a gift to comply with money laundering rules when you bought the house, so you won’t be able to remortgage specifically to repay that.

Please do not sell your home! This is so unkind of her. Why is it ok for you to upend your life so she can fund hers? And for such flimsy reasons too - she should choose an area to live in which she can afford! She made a deal, the money was a gift and you’ve trusted this was the case and planned your life as such. If she’s changed her mind I’m afraid that’s too bad.

100% this. If the paper trail then says you’ve sold and given the money back it would be raised as not a gift - meaning you lied in the original declaration. Tell your mother you will not get yourself into legal grey area with the tax man and become a suspect of money laundering so she can live on a nicer street.

But I mean.. say it nicely, I guess.

"It was definitely a gift, I had to sort paperwork with my conveyancing solicitor declaring the gift as it was used specifically towards my property purchase."

i think if you return it you might fall foul of your Mortgage Provider and money laundering regulations. You will need proper advice.

Regardless dont return the gift simply to avoid an argument.
You wont avoid it, I guarantee it will happen anyway.

I really don't want to have to sell my home to give her the money back. I understand everyone saying just to say no, but it doesn't feel as simple as that (or maybe I'm too sensitive?).

It really is as simple as that @HereForItMaybe .

I'm a terrible people pleaser, but even I wouldn't sell my house because a parent wanted their gift back in this situation. You absolutely are being too sensitive/kind.

Selling your house and finding somewhere else to live will involve you in huge stress and cost a lot of money. You need to make that clear to her, and that any costs would have to come out of the £50k and would significantly eat into it. On top of that is the illegality of it.

Stay very calm, make a list of all these posts beforehand so that you don't forget why of them, and make it clear that this is simply not a practical or legal way to go about things.

And no, don't dig into your savings to find her, either.

Not sure how old mum is here, but if you give in the next issue will be care. Brother can’t provide it as he’s a dad, daughter has no kids and can step up.
I still don’t get where did her £100,000 go?

This. 100%

OP, your mother is unkind to put you in this position. The money was a legal gift. That is the end of the matter regardless of what your mother says. Do not be emotionally blackmailed into giving her money just because you don’t have children and your brother does.

Presumably there would be tax implications too? She gifted it. It's a gift. She can't ask for it back. The money is no longer available. She'll have to fund her purchase another way.

Just because you don't have children doesn't mean you should be penalised for this.

You can help her to look at her budget but do not go giving her the money back. It will cause resentment and you will be annoyed with her and your brother.
It is not like she is going to be homeless, she needs to make better choices.

You still haven't said what happened to the money she inherited and kept? 100k? Does she still have this or has she spent it all?

someone said she might cut you out of any inheritance if you don't comply, she still could. She might make promises to give you more when she dies but she might change her mind, brother might contest it (especially if she keeps it quiet you helped her with the money) so do not go down that route either.

It needs to be a no.

Typo - should have said there is NO tax on gifts of this nature, irrelevant. (unless the giver dies within 7 years in which case IHT could be due if applicable).

But it costs a lot to sell up, buy another and move house. Honestly I would say no, it was a gift and she's being very unfair.

Of course, it's simple. She gave you a gift, legally.

This is why she asked/told you and not your brother. She knew you'd feel guilted into giving in.

Your house is a need. Your mother wanting to downsize (with your money) is a want.

You may not have children but you still need a home. Please don't make yourself homeless to give her the money back. Remind her that her gift was declared as a gift in writing when you were buying her house, so this would have legal repercussions for her.

I know of loads of people who were helped to buy by the parents, none of whom would dream of asking for the money back if it would mean their child losing their home.

I always agreed with the saying that once you are a parent, you are only ever as happy as the least happy of your children, i.e. if your child isn't happy, it's hard to feel happy yourself. Your mum doesn't seem to care that demanding the money back would make you unhappy as you would lose your home.

It does seem that you are less valued as you haven't given her grandchildren like your brother has.