Page 22 | She wants the gifted money back

HereForItMaybe · 2025-02-11T21:49:09+00:00

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago. She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked. AIBU to say no?

SoMauveMonty · 12/02/2025 13:05

Speak to your brother. Is he aware she's asking this of you? Don't let her try and play you off against each other.
Personally, i would tell her and your aunt to go whistle. It was a gift, legally and properly invested in your home. She'd be happy for you to lose your home - and incur £££ in moving/legal fees - because she fancies a change of scene? Bugger that. She's got some nerve.

TuesdayRubies · 12/02/2025 13:06

Honestly please don't give any back. It was a gift. That's NOT how gifts work!

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 12/02/2025 13:12

This is really shocking. I can't believe she'd make you sell your house to give back a gift so she can move to a more expensive area. If she forced this I think I'd be cutting her out my life. It's really cruel and alot of hassle.

This ^ sums it up for me. I wouldn't commit to paying any of it back. Your DB can pay back if he wants to by selling his house. He won't. How will you even know if he does, they could all lie to you?

And the aunt can fuck off, what's it got to do with her?

Cunningfungus · 12/02/2025 13:18

honeylulu · 12/02/2025 07:39

Of course you can't sell your home just because your mother fancies a new more expensive one. If that means your mother and aunt think you're an "awful greedy daughter" (you aren't) then fine, they can shove it. I think it's awful, greedy, selfish and entitled that your mum expects you to sell your home for her whims. It won't just be 50k either, you'll end up incurring another 20k in moving costs, fees, stamp duty etc to move to a smaller property yourself.

I don't have a heart of stone - if your mum was destitute and homeless my answer would be different, though I'd still think your brother should equally step up. It's sickening how much adult daughters are leant on and expected to sacrifice time, energy, money whilst adult sons seem to do as they please.

Your mum can make up her mind and "that's that". Take a leaf out of her book and decide to keep your home and that's that!

100% this

Don't give it back OP - this is truly shocking behaviour from your mum (and aunt). Your mum is 1 million percent in the wrong here!

RadStag · 12/02/2025 13:26

hat would your mum be doing if you'd spent it on holidays too? :/

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 12/02/2025 13:26

Legally, financial transactions between family are automatically considered gifts unless there's absolute proof otherwise. So she has no basis in law or morally.

steff13 · 12/02/2025 13:28

MadCatHag · 12/02/2025 12:24

Problem is she'll be so annoyed if you say no she may well disinherit you and you will lose more in the long run. Maybe try to find a way to give her some of it but not all?

She owns a home that she wants to sell to buy another home, but it's not going to generate enough money to be able to do that. I doubt that there is much of anything else for the OP to inherit.

Also, lots of people don't inherit anything. I would much rather keep my home than give it up in the hope that I might inherit something more down the road.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 13:30

AchillesAndPatroclus · 12/02/2025 11:26

My mother did this to me.

Gave me £5k of her (much larger) inheritance to help me out when I was in a rough situation, then a year later out of the blue, my step-dad phoned threatening to kill me if I didn’t pay it back.

She’d told him I’d refused to give it back when she hadn’t even asked me for it. Hadn’t even mentioned it.

I took out a high-interest loan that crippled me for years.

Your mother sounds horrible and your step-dad sounds like a psychopath. I hope you don't have anything to do with either of them any more.

UbiquitousObjects · 12/02/2025 13:33

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

I think you want your head examined. If you do this you're opening up discussion about how much money you can give her and when.

She gave you a gift. The gift has been used. It cannot be returned.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 12/02/2025 13:36

I'd just say no you can't afford it without making yourself homeless. Tbh if your db has a house then your dm should also be asking him as he would have to do the same as you and either remortgage or sell his house

Mrsbloggz · 12/02/2025 13:39

She gave you a gift. The gift has been used. It cannot be returned
@UbiquitousObjects is correct!
It might help to think of the gift as a box of chocolates, which you have eaten.

diddl · 12/02/2025 13:41

Shame she didn't keep her 100k aside for something like this!

Unless the move is so pricey that's already factored in!

Even so, too bad.

Tagyoureit · 12/02/2025 13:42

Good luck OP, your mum is awful to ask for this money back just so she can move to a richer area!! Very cheeky especially as she has signed documents to say it was a gift!! I can't believe she is being so selfish!

Good idea about matching your brother's repayment amount though.

MinnieGirl · 12/02/2025 13:42

She's asked if you will return her gift.
So your reply is that the money she gifted you has been used to buy your house. And so you no longer have the money. And you suspect your brother has spent his share too. Don't make any other offer.
It was a gift. You went through solicitors and she signed documents to say it was a gift. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. And as for your auntie... tell her to keep her nose out.

Mrsbloggz · 12/02/2025 13:44

I wouldn't be pointing out that returning the money would leave you homeless.
You might imagine that this will make her feel guilty but it will not- she will only feel angry at your lack of deference and she will punish you by firing back with something that makes you feel much more guilty than you could ever make her feel.

Similarly if you point out that she has not requested the same of your brother all that will happen is that she will feel angry that you have pointed out her error, and then she will punish you for that.

Coffeeisnecessary · 12/02/2025 13:45

I am so shocked by this, your own mum wants you to sell your house so that she can move to a different area, don't understand her at all!

BeAquaGoose · 12/02/2025 13:53

The money isn’t there though. It’s in a house, that you live in. If this was my Mother I’d be laughing and asking why she thought I had 50k lying around.

Porkyporkchop · 12/02/2025 13:54

Lurker85 · 12/02/2025 07:39

I don’t know why you’re even considering it. I’d have just laughed and said “good one mom”. What an awful mother she is if she wants you to sell your home just so she can move to a more expensive area because she “fancied a change”.

This. Say no you spent it - which you did, on a house. I can’t believe your aunt and mum would even request this !! Ridiculous behaviour from both of them.

NameChangedOfc · 12/02/2025 13:59

Be the awful greedy daughter.
She sounds awful. I'm sorry.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 14:01

Mrsbloggz · 12/02/2025 13:44

I wouldn't be pointing out that returning the money would leave you homeless.
You might imagine that this will make her feel guilty but it will not- she will only feel angry at your lack of deference and she will punish you by firing back with something that makes you feel much more guilty than you could ever make her feel.

Similarly if you point out that she has not requested the same of your brother all that will happen is that she will feel angry that you have pointed out her error, and then she will punish you for that.

How can she punish OP? She has no legal right to the gifted money, which was declared in writing as a gift when OP was buying her home. OP should just refuse to return the £50k and if her mum cuts her off, so be it.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/02/2025 14:02

This is madness. Do not agree to giving the gift back, it doesn’t work like that. A gift is a gift. You can’t hand someone money and then claw it back years later when they have used it to buy a house. Say no.

My only caveat to that would be if she could prove she didn’t have mental capacity at the time. I don’t know your mother’s age or health at the time of the gifting. Might she be able to say she wasn’t in the right state to make large financial decisions?

Rosscameasdoody · 12/02/2025 14:03

UbiquitousObjects · 12/02/2025 13:33

I think you want your head examined. If you do this you're opening up discussion about how much money you can give her and when.

She gave you a gift. The gift has been used. It cannot be returned.

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This. It’s not up for discussion at all. It was a gift. It’s now been spent.

Rosscameasdoody · 12/02/2025 14:04

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 14:01

How can she punish OP? She has no legal right to the gifted money, which was declared in writing as a gift when OP was buying her home. OP should just refuse to return the £50k and if her mum cuts her off, so be it.

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I think on this showing her mum cutting her off would probably be a good thing - she sounds batshit !!

Rosscameasdoody · 12/02/2025 14:05

TheWombatleague · 12/02/2025 11:19

When you say you used it to purchase a house so you could sell it, do you mean you you used it to buy and then sold at a profit? Could it be she sees that profit as something she had some kind of claim on?

I think OP means she put the 50k towards the house purchase, so if her mum wants the 50k back she could sell it, not that she bought it specifically to sell.

dovetail22uk · 12/02/2025 14:06

NameChangedOfc · 12/02/2025 13:59

Be the awful greedy daughter.
She sounds awful. I'm sorry.

Sounds like an awful greedy mother.