She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

Agree! I'm really surprised people are suggesting OP give anything back.

@AchillesAndPatroclus That sounds like a dangerous situation to be in and the police should have been contacted pronto. Also, your stepdad sounds very aggressive so is there a chance that your mum said that out of fear and not from her own volition?

Problem is she'll be so annoyed if you say no she may well disinherit you and you will lose more in the long run. Maybe try to find a way to give her some of it but not all?

So?! Fuck her if she wants to disinherit her she sounds like an awful mum. OP has already had 50k so I'm sure she would be happier with that and then a peaceful life. There are some really odd replies on this thread. Would you really appease someone this much to your own detriment for some potential inheritance that may never come?

So what if she's annoyed 🤷‍♀️. She shouldn't do such batshit and unreasonable things

I agree that the op is risking being disinherited.
However, in view of this woman's obvious favouritism towards her son at the expense of her daughter I think there's a strong chance that he would get most or all of it anyway.

No guarantee she wouldn't disinherit her even if she DID give her the money.

Absolutely, some of the replies on this thread are unhinged. Why should OP have to make sacrifices to help her mother move to a posher area? Even if it wasn’t for such a daft reason there’s no reason to give her any money as it was a gift.

This is crazy. I don’t think you should sell your home in an attempt to repay the money. It sounds like your mother needs to recalibrate her budget.

It's incredibly unfair for her to ask. If she was going to end up homeless or something it might be different, but you don't ask for money to be returned if it was a gift.

I would just say you don't have it anymore to give. She should get a loan or a mortgage if she's wants to invest in property in a different area and doesn't have the money.

What if you gave her the money and she decided to stay put and go on a cruise for 6 months instead? I would just leave it that it was gifted and you can't give it back to her and lose your home, and not debate it further.

It's also incredibly weird that she just asked you not the brother, it's like you are being penalised for investing it in your future rather than blowing it on a great big holiday. Would be a big no from me.

I am shocked every day on here by the bonkers, selfish and downright nasty behaviour of others peoples families.

She’s utterly utterly out of order.

Forcing her dd to give back a monetary gift and sell her house bc she “fancies a change”. Fuck that!

I think most parents will know which of their children would be most susceptible to emotional blackmail, but it takes a certain narcissistic personality type to actually behave like that. If you have a parent with such a personality type you will have been trained (from birth) to obey them and because of that it's very hard to stand up for yourself.

“Mum you gave me that money as a gift, it was written into legal paperwork as a gift, it was very much appreciated. I obviously can’t return it as it is tied up in the house. If you want any money back, you’ll have to see a solicitor and work out from there as the legal document clearly states this is a gift. What did brother say when you asked for his money back?”

No don't give her anything back. I'd rather starve than do this to my adult dcs. How wicked and selfish.

Your mum, and her sister, are bonkers! Do not offer to match anything your brother gives. Just say now. You cannot make yourself homeless so she can move to a fancier area. This is madness

Plus dm's future care needs would probably eat into any inheritance.

Don’t agree to give this back contingent on your brother! Just say to your mother that you’re not interested in selling up or moving and that the money was a gift, it was always a gift, and that it’s wholly unreasonable to even ask for it back.

if her sister is so bothered, SHE can put her own hand in her own pocket.

this won’t end well, no matter what you do, she is being totally unreasonable and it’ll get ugly. At least don’t lose your home AND your relationship.

say it once and then refuse to discuss. Grey rock if need be. YANBU

Yeah, same. I'm willing to bet that the people on this thread who have said that they would do it for their mother have the kind of mothers who would never ask them to do it.

She's being ridiculous and unfair. I would be angry that she had not asked my brother.

You aunt is being an interfering busy body who needs to be told to go away unless she wants to offer your mum £50k.

It was a gift. It has been spent. That's the end of it.

Does she want back all the gifts she's given you for the past 5 years/10 years?? Of course not, because that would be ridiculous.

If she or her sister keep contacting you about it I would be blocking one or both of them.

Are you sure they would be honest about the amount your brother repays? Given how unfair they’ve been so far, I wouldn’t trust them.

I’m baffled why they, including your nosey aunt, think what your mother is asking is ok. I can’t remember ever hearing of someone asking for a gift back. Why should you sell your home and presumably downsize or move to a worse area because she wants to move to a more expensive area? It’s such a major thing to have to do just to please her, I’d have to say no and accept they might say horrible things about me.

@HereForItMaybe I really think you should listen to this advice!
You are planning to negotiate with a narcissistic person, in other words you are treating her as if she's reasonable and honorable like you are. She is not, she will only ever try to work things to her advantage.
Don't be a pawn in her game.

I wouldn't give anything back OP. It was given freely as a gift and you made choices on how to spend it without any conditions attached. had your mum said here's 50K but I might ask for a bit back in a few years time, you would probably have made alternative choices.

Also it's not money your mum earned. She has already had 100K to herself presumably from a loved one inhertiance. she needs to manage her own budget limitations instead of trying to guilt her DC into giving a gift back.

Give her back any gifts/birthday presents you still have! But not the money. I think you need to assume this matter will not end well, there’s no reason to negotiate with these nutters. Prepare for nc.

I don’t think it’s fair if it was a gift and your brother hasn’t been asked.

Say no -- you can't sell your home for this!