She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

This this this will bells on.

Some of the replies, lol. Makes me sad that there’s so many weak minded, people pleasers out there that would allow someone to bully them in such a way that they think OP should even discuss this with her mother and say anything other than ‘No.’

im sure if it was that simple for op then she wouldn't be here with her post

No decent parent asks this of their child. It's so unreasonable.

No way in hell. You don’t have the money op, you have a home. So you can’t return the gift in the same way your brother spent the gift and he doesn’t have it either. Is she says you can sell then your brother also has a home he can sell so she can make you both homeless at the same time.

tell your aunt if she wants to gift her sister the money that’s lovely.. I would bet 50k she won’t!

Please don’t. Just say a firm no because ir will financially ruin you. Because it will. You will lose another £50k when moving cost and taxes are added on.

I think it’s worth working out how much either remortgaging or selling will cost you and showing her the figures. She probably hasn’t thought through the reality. If you present her with the fact her gift will end up costing you a lot of money she might see how unreasonable it is,

I think that is the place to start rather than presenting her with a trick.

Can you agree with her that you will keep it as an early inheritance? I suspect if you do not come to an agreement, that's how she will eventually view it (at least that's what I would do if I were in your mum's shoes, assuming she made it clear to you at the time that it was a loan).

It should be that simple, that fact that it isn’t and OP is struggling so much suggests she has been bullied and manipulated by her mother for most of her life or struggles with standing up for herself in general.

I’d be using my savings for therapy rather than offering mum a penny.

Absolutely awful: she wants the ‘glory’ of being generous, then the option of the money back!!

it’s absolutely normal for the older generation to pass some of an inheritance on to kids (and saves IHT liability frankly), plus it was in law given away

She has zero right to this money : just tell her it’s gone, putting it into property is something no one can argue with

Don’t talk about giving ‘back’, don’t match your brother : none of it

If she and your aunt turn against you: let them!

I would refuse. She is in the wrong here. If she was going to become homeless or had an unexpected repair or something then I would of course help out if I was able to, but she is wrong to ask you under these circumstances and especially if she is guilt tripping you and not your brother.

I feel sad for you that you are having to deal with this and are being made to feel bad for being put in a position you should not be put in. I feel like regardless this will change your relationship going forward, but it is not your doing.

If your mother would be comfortable with you actually going to the lengths to sell your house so that she can get her choice of house that really is awful.

^ agree with this too

my mum tried some similar crap on me (and I struggled). Just say no!!!!!

For me its looking at the motivation rather than what is 'legally' right here. If the mother thinks there is crossed wires here not understanding that could cause a real relationship breakdown. For the sake of 50k her mum might disinherit her from the rest of the estate for example

Why would you do that?! Just say no, it’s gone. It’s not like she is starving!

I would calculate how much it's going to cost to sell your home, legal fees, moving fees, any other costs incurred and deduct that from the 50k and in theory agree to give that to your DM.

In reality I wouldn't give her any money back and cut contact as she would be happy to make you homeless just because you invested her gift wisely, but didn't ask your DB for anything just because he used his gift for flash cars and a holiday.

Be honest OP, this cannot be the first time she's treated you so unfairly.

No way would I be offering any of the money back! It was a gift and you bought your house with it. End of. Cheeky mare she is!

Sorry but I agree with (almost) everyone else that this is a bad idea.
At least talk to your brother first. She could tell you anything, and he could promise the earth and then not follow it up.
But I don't think she's got the right or should have the nerve to ask for a penny. It was a present, and she just wants it because she 'fancies a change', not because she's financially on her knees.
And the auntie needs to mind her own fucking business.

I gifted my daughter a large sum of money to buy a house. I had to produce and sign a written statement to say it was a no-strings gift, that there was no expectation of it being paid back and that I would have no financial interest in the property.

Your mum will have had to do similar.

I also took advice re any tax implications etc, and the advice really was to make sure that I kept enough money back for myself for any future plans. Your mum should have done similar.

I don't see how you can have a comfortable ongoing relationship with your mum now. Either you keep your home and cause resentment, or you allow her to make you give up your home, which will cause resentment. Either way you're not going to trust each other again so why give up your home?!

Has there been any tension between you in the last couple of years? If not, you and your brother are in the same situation. Fair enough he spent his, but if he's got a mortgage, he'll have equity in a property.

Slightest chance you ever do agree to give her the money back and have to sell your house, the costs of selling will have to come out of her £50k, as well as any essentials on the new property, as that's what's provoking the sale.

The OP explained in earlier posts that the legal aspects were addressed to make clear this was a gift. That doesn’t deal with this current family issue and the moral leverage that OP’s DM is exerting now.

But why would you? why turn it into a sibling rivalry game?
You were gifted the money and planned your life accordingly. It is completely unreasonable of her to displace you from your home just because she fancies a change of scene. Don't sell your car either.
You'd be out of pocket for estate agents fees, conveyancing, movers and stamp duty if/when you rebuy, so her asking for the full amount back is ridiculous. Not to mention the huge disruption to your lives.
Your mother's behaviour is so unreasonable I'd be thinking it could point to the early stages of dementia. No normal parent in their right mind would do this.

Exactly. What type of mother would expect her daughter to sell her home to pay back a gift?

OP should just completely refuse. It may damage or even end their relationship but if her mother genuinely expects to be able to make her own daughter homeless so that she can move into a more expensive home, there is no real loving relationship to ruin.

I think this is fair. Obviously gifted money she shouldn’t ask for back but in the interest of good relationships maybe you could offer 10k and bro could offer 10k? Whatever is offered i yhink it should be equal between the two of you

I’m a bit late to the party and haven’t read all the replies, just the OP’s. There is no way you should give your mum back a single penny. A gift isn’t supposed to come with strings. DP’s family is a bit like this, but over smaller scale things. They will give something to someone, not lend but give, then a couple of years later they will ask for it back. Sometimes because they suddenly need it or sometimes simply because they have noticed you’re not using it. Or not using it enough. Or not using it in the right way. I find it very controlling and it has left me reluctant to accept anything from them. Anyway, no. Your mum doesn’t need money to keep her from homelessness or for a life saving operation. And if she did, the correct approach would be to ask for your help, not to ask for ‘her’ money back. Because it was a gift. Non refundable.

Tough tits really. You don't have it. Would she be happy for you to sell your house and put you through all that to get it back? Why hasn't she asked your brother for his or if she really had to,ask you both for a smaller amount. No way should she be asking for this gift back after 5 years. She's really taken the piss.

Tell her that you haven't got it to spare and you're not selling your house - the cost of moving would wipe out much of the £50k! If she really needs it back, you can afford £x per month and will pay it back to her over x years.