Page 16 | She wants the gifted money back

HereForItMaybe · 2025-02-11T21:49:09+00:00

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago. She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked. AIBU to say no?

OVienna · 12/02/2025 09:06

TiredCatLady · 12/02/2025 08:44

OP, aside from your mum having legally declared this as a gift for the purposes of your mortgage, therefore it can’t be “returned”, is there something else at play?
I’d be highly suspicious of the plan to downsize to a more expensive area - how much more expensive are we talking? Does she know it well? Who put this idea in her head? Where has the £100k gone?
Unfortunately some people, when they come into money, become quite vulnerable. And predatory people can sense it a mile off - is there a new friend or romantic interest around? Someone who needs money from her?
I wouldn’t be offering to give her anything and would be looking quite closely at who she is interacting with.

I'm wondering about this too.

I'd also tell her there are HMRC issues at play, you'd have to seek legal advice since it's the basis on which your mortgage was secured in a formal agreement with the bank, and that by the time you sold your house, downsized, undertook all the related costs you have no idea what would even be left to return to her.

And it's outrageous she hasn't made the same request of your brother.

I would tell you understand if the gift 'exhausts' the possibility of any future inheritance but you can't help now without causing yourself a personal financial calamity.

mrpenny · 12/02/2025 09:07

ChampagneLassie · 12/02/2025 09:04

There is tax on gifts irrelevant

Show quote history

Don’t know what you mean

Commonsense22 · 12/02/2025 09:10

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

This sounds really wise. What an awful situation she put you in.

ssd · 12/02/2025 09:10

Nowt as queer as folk

genesis92 · 12/02/2025 09:11

Your mother sounds like a twat.

Don't give the money back. How dare she?

Janiie · 12/02/2025 09:11

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

This is so weird op. Just say no.

It was a gift, you put it toward a house. You should not have to sell and return a penny. Is your Mum thick and unpleasant generally?

Just keep saying no and tell Auntie to mind her own business.

tropicalroses · 12/02/2025 09:11

Whilst it might be fraudulent, many families loan money as gifts for house purchases and sign a letter stating this for to the mortgage company, but there is a full expectation that the money is paid back.

I don't think it entirely sounds like that here, but it may well be the mother gave the money to allow the OP to purchase her house and signed the necessary stating it was a gift- but the communication of this was intended for the mortgage company and not the OP. It could well be a case of crossed wires?

chocorabbit · 12/02/2025 09:12

Whyherewego · 12/02/2025 07:39

That's quite a smart solution. But remember it's a gift not a give back ! You are just gifting her some money

Show quote history

No, it's not a smart solution.

First, in theory they can agree that yes her DB will give whatever but not do it in practice. In fact, for all we know the DM might want to gift him the rest.

Second, she shouldn't sell her house or cause financial hardship on herself so her mother can live in a posh area. The bending over backwards to please unreasonable people and ruin themselves I see here is unbelievable at times.

MalleusMaleficarumm · 12/02/2025 09:12

I think if she needs 50k to downsize from you, HMRC might come a knockin because she will have to declare where that money came from. It’s going to be noticed that she gave it to you then you gave it back…aside from the fact she should have probably paid capital gains tax anyway!

Also agree with PP, don’t meet her and agree to pay anything!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/02/2025 09:12

Surely she remembers having to sign loads of forms to make it a gift so she had no interest in your house purchase? If she's forgotten all those forms then perhaps she's having memory problems which might need looking into? If she remembers them - how could she think return of the money is even possible?

WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 12/02/2025 09:13

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

Surely you'd be well advised to talk to your brother first. Just in case...!

What is your relationship with your mum generally like?

BlueMum16 · 12/02/2025 09:13

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

I was coming in to suggest this.

Good luck.

aCatCalledFawkes · 12/02/2025 09:14

Surely the irony is that you would have to give the money back and then redeclare it as a gift to her? This would give you no claim on the money in the event of her death.

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/02/2025 09:15

Absolutely not - it's not available, it's sunk into your home! You have a child and this gives you security. Do not sell your home to give it back to her - it was given as a gift, not a loan!

MikeRafone · 12/02/2025 09:15

HereForItMaybe · 12/02/2025 07:34

I'm just catching up with the replies, thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to see a situation for what it is, when you're in it.

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back - that way I'm not saying no, but it seems fair.

I'll be stuffed if he says he'll give her the entire £50k but I doubt he even has much spare, he is a spender rather than a saver.

I'd say to both aunt and mother - yes of course, I need to sell my home to raise the money. So just bare with me whilst I get all that in order

put a for sale notice up and get your house on the market with no intention of accepting any offers or moving, have it on the market over the price you think would sell and make sure its messy for show rounds

make that last for 12 months

by which time your mother will have done what?

play the game, play the game

MikeRafone · 12/02/2025 09:16

BlueMum16 · 12/02/2025 09:13

I was coming in to suggest this.

Good luck.

Show quote history

brilliant idea

chocorabbit · 12/02/2025 09:17

Hedgerow2 · 12/02/2025 07:54

Don't be so absolutely ridiculous! If you say you'll give her back as much as your brother - even in the belief that he won't give her anything - you'll reinforce in her mind the idea that a gift is returnable. Just treat the request as a laughable non-starter. Which it is.
Stand up for yourself and your child!!!

Show quote history

Exactly! DM will see that her DD has started to fall for it, is seriously thinking about it and is getting softened. Let's up the blame game with the aunt and here we have it!

Twiglets1 · 12/02/2025 09:17

tropicalroses · 12/02/2025 09:11

Whilst it might be fraudulent, many families loan money as gifts for house purchases and sign a letter stating this for to the mortgage company, but there is a full expectation that the money is paid back.

I don't think it entirely sounds like that here, but it may well be the mother gave the money to allow the OP to purchase her house and signed the necessary stating it was a gift- but the communication of this was intended for the mortgage company and not the OP. It could well be a case of crossed wires?

Nevertheless the gift legally does not need to be returned in this scenario.

amusedbush · 12/02/2025 09:18

Your mother would see her daughter sell her house simply so she can move to a more expensive area? This is so far beyond "brass balls" territory, I'm not even sure what to call her.

And I'm even more stunned that her sister agrees with her!

chocorabbit · 12/02/2025 09:19

MikeRafone · 12/02/2025 09:15

I'd say to both aunt and mother - yes of course, I need to sell my home to raise the money. So just bare with me whilst I get all that in order

put a for sale notice up and get your house on the market with no intention of accepting any offers or moving, have it on the market over the price you think would sell and make sure its messy for show rounds

make that last for 12 months

by which time your mother will have done what?

play the game, play the game

Show quote history

The mother and aunt will have pressured her to reduce the price tell her not to be "ridiculous". She should not entertain the idea at all and not show she's thinking about it. They'll keep perstering her.

jessycake · 12/02/2025 09:20

Don't give up your lovely home , it won't make you feel any better long term just resent both your mum and your brother, plus who would take the fees and stamp duty hit ?

MTP312 · 12/02/2025 09:21

Don't bring your brother into it.

Firstly, you are then playing your Mum's game by involving others. Secondly, how will you know if he really is giving her 10k/25k/50k? Will you ask for bank statements to prove it?

It will get even more messy.

This is between you and your mum. No one else.

MikeRafone · 12/02/2025 09:22

The mother and aunt will have pressured her to reduce the price tell her not to be "ridiculous". She should not entertain the idea at all and not show she's thinking about it. They'll keep perstering her.

doesn't matter really what the price is - no-one looking or no ones offer being accepted isn't going to sell the house

by which time fickle mother will have changed her mind about moving or moved anyway

MissUltraViolet · 12/02/2025 09:22

Some of the replies, lol. Makes me sad that there’s so many weak minded, people pleasers out there that would allow someone to bully them in such a way that they think OP should even discuss this with her mother and say anything other than ‘No.’

As for the suggestion that maybe it was crossed wires and OP is confused and she would always have had to pay it back - give over, FFS. Or are we assuming the brother is also confused?

Maybe it’s simply what it says on the tin, shitty mother tries to bully/manipulate child into selling her home to return gift because she’s a selfish mare that wasted 100k and wants someone else to fix it.

rohn · 12/02/2025 09:23

I wouldn't tell her you'll give what your brother gives
Does she actually expect you to remortgage your house?