She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

Be careful. What if she tells you your brother is returning it all.
Do you want proof?

Also, from an inheritance perspective, this whole request is madness.

This is wise advice actually. simple 'no, the money has been spent and is gone' is more than enough. You have to be the adult here and keep saying no. I wouldn't get into a conversation about it at all

I would not entertain returning any of it. What type of person gifts money like this to two children and only asks one of them to return it? Horrible.

OP, aside from your mum having legally declared this as a gift for the purposes of your mortgage, therefore it can’t be “returned”, is there something else at play?
I’d be highly suspicious of the plan to downsize to a more expensive area - how much more expensive are we talking? Does she know it well? Who put this idea in her head? Where has the £100k gone?
Unfortunately some people, when they come into money, become quite vulnerable. And predatory people can sense it a mile off - is there a new friend or romantic interest around? Someone who needs money from her?
I wouldn’t be offering to give her anything and would be looking quite closely at who she is interacting with.

I'm sorry to hear your mum has done this. It's going to make your relationship tricky in future. What was she thinking? A gift is a gift.

Is she asking you to sell your house? Does your brother live with her?

There could be a difficult situation with the hmrc if your mother is now saying this is not a gift. You all signed a legally binding declaration and that has been noted on your mother's assets for future IHT.
Fwiw I had a similar situation and it caused a huge family rift. It's costing me £30k to pay back a £20k 'loan'.
Your mother doesn't appear skint so her request sounds nutty tbh.

Just adding to this - am absolutely gobsmacked. She gifted you that money in sound mind. She can’t just ask for it back. It wasn’t a loan! It’s insane. If she is actually willing to watch you sell your house and move to a worse home so she can downsize to a ‘better area’ she’s not a loving mother. You can’t ask for a gift back 😂😂 bonkers and cruel all at once.

But it's not still there? Unless you sell your house and be homeless? All ask she can have a better house. She shouldn't have given it away if she thought she might need it later. But no, sorry, it's tough. Say no.

What did she spend the £100K on - she's got a bloody nerve - good luck.

Then you will have to be the ‘awful, greedy’ daughter, though I completely disagree with that description of you. You have paperwork, the money is in your house, she is being very unreasonable. You can’t sell your home in order to return what was explicitly a gift. If she is guilt tripping you then that is manipulation so have none of it. Why should you feel guilty when she obviously doesn’t! And ignore your aunt!

Absolutely this, it was a gift! And more unreasonable that she's not asking your brother!

Noooo just stop! Say no, I do not have any money to give you. End of. Don't bring it up again, don't discuss it, just keep saying no. Stop opening yourself up for misery!! Are you always a bit of a doormat/people pleaser?? What if she asks for another bit of money later on. JUST SAY NO I DO NOT HAVE IT.

As a mother who’s given her dc money for a house deposit, I couldn’t ever imagine asking for it back because I ‘fancied a change’ She’s not being fair at all-she should’ve kept it at the time as what she’s now doing is worse than not sharing it in the first place. I would challenge her tbh-mum, I can’t give it back, it was a gift
so I could buy my house-you’d be making me homeless! Sorry but you shouldn’t have done it.

really poor behaviour I’m sorry to say.

Have you spoken to your brother.

Please DO NOT say you'll give what your brother gives as that could bite you in the bum!! It's gone, end of story.

Please don’t do this. Stay firm. What kind of a mother would sit back and make her daughter sell her home to return what was a gift.

Have you always been dominated by your mother as an adult?

Don’t, please just don’t do this. You’re just opening up the door to her and are going to make her think that if she and/or aunt continue to apply pressure you’re going to cave. You’ll also be dragging your brother into it and you shouldn’t, your mum should have.

Plus what if he actually says he will give her money, be it 10-20 or even the 50k? You’re going to leave yourself in a dreadful position and all because you didn’t just laugh and say no.

I honestly don’t understand why you’re struggling so much with this, why are you trying so hard to please her at your detriment? She’s your mother, so what? What she is trying to do to you is disgusting, why can’t you see that? Everyone is desperately trying to tell you!

I wouldn’t give a flying fuck whether my mum spoke to me again if she had ever tried to pull something like this with me. No caring, loving, decent parent gives their child a gift, watches them buy a home, then asks them to sell their house because they have decided they want it back.

Tough shit. If she spent the 100k and cannot afford to buy a house in the area she wants then it sucks for her, not your problem.

I wouldn't even do that.

I'd say, "Mum, you know the money is legally mine, right? It was a gift, not a loan. If it hadn't been a gift I wouldn't have been allowed to use it to help buy a house, for precisely this reason. You're not allowed to buy a house using money that someone might ask you to repay without warning. I'm genuinely shocked that you want me to sell my house and live - where, exactly? - just because you've decided you fancy living in the Cotswolds. If you wanted the money to be available for you in later life you should never have given it to me. If I'd had any idea you might ask for it back I would never have accepted it in the first place. The answer is no."

Also, it seems DBro is her Golden child. So imagine you gave it back, down the line if she leaves her Will equally, he then gets half of your returned gift...

Please just say, "I don't have it," Same as 'Gabriel'....

presumably the Op didn’t mention that when she received it originally..🤨🙄

I can’t believe your mother wants you to sell a house you love so that she can buy herself a new one on a whim. Apart from how messed up that is morally and emotionally, has she even factored in how much selling / moving will cost you? Once all the fees are done with you’ll need to buy a house £75k cheaper in order to give her the £50k so you’ll be worse off than before you were ever given the ‘gift’.

Why does your mum think that her living situation takes precedent over yours? That you should actually sell your home because she ‘fancies a change’ and wants to move to an expensive area. Is this a wind up post?

A “so let me get this right. You want me to sell my house- my home, because you want the £50l you gifted me back. Because your living situation comes before mine? I’m sorry,
no.”

This is outrageous of your mother. Did she sign legal paperwork to confirm it was a gift? Remind her of that. You don’t have the money now and can’t afford to repay her. Does she perhaps think you’ve got the money in savings? Would she really want to make you homeless just because she fancies a change. Ultimately I’d say no. If that ended relationship then I’d view that as your mothers choice

There is tax on gifts irrelevant

Yes agreed. You do not sell your house to give back a gift!