She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

Ask her if she realises that you would have to sell your home to return it. It may be she has some vague idea you can just “take it out of the mortgage”.

If yes, ask if she is really prepared to let you lose your home because she fancies a change.

If yes, tell her that is a terrible thing to do to someone, and that you will not be returning the gift. If she expects your relationship to continue as normal after screwing you over like this, then she can cope with not getting her gift back,

I am shocked that your bro blew £50k on cars and a holiday. Who does that!?
You were very sensible with your use of the gift and its like you're being punished for that.

You have it in legal documents that it was a gift, related to the house purchase. Your brother doesn't have that.

I'd insist all three of you sat down together and discussed it, in the same room.

Ignore what your aunt thinks - she has no part in this.

Your mum wants to force the sale of your house so she can have some money that she gifted you back to buy a nicer one for herself? And isn't demanding the same of your brother?

Wow. That is appalling. Do not meet up and try to negotiate, it won't go well. Just decline her request and send her a copy of the conveyancing doc confirming it was a gift. There's nothing else to discuss.

Sorry but I don’t think you should offer to give anything back.

a gift is a gift. It is without condition. You open up a big can of worms if you start offering some money back. Why can’t your mum take out a loan or why doesn’t your aunt offer to help her out? I’d argue she’s a terrible sister if she doesn’t offer to help out! (Well I wouldn’t normally argue that but I’m using the same argument as you being a greedy daughter!)

I'm going to ask to see mum for a coffee, and suggest I give her as much as my brother agrees to give back

Don't use the words give back! And speak to your brother first, don't commit to loaning/ giving your mother anything until then.

I'm a mum of grown up children and have gifted them both money towards deposits. There isn't a single scenario where I would ask for that money back. A gift is a gift and if she or her sister (wtf it has to do her I don't know) can't understand that they can take a running jump. If this means souring your relationship so be it...she already did that. As for not asking your brother, don't get me started!

Would it have legal repercussions , as in you've received a gift , could you possibly not receive another, not aware of the laws. If it was processed by a solicitor properly I'd say sorry no I can't do that without legal advice. Have you spoken to your brother about it.

Given that it will cost you money to sell - estate agent fees, legal fees, removal costs - suggest that you deduct the costs of selling from the amount that your brother will give her.

I think it’s an awful thing for her to do.

Tell her you'll have sell your home, so she should insist on the same for DB.
& basically she is making you homeless for her caprice.
Also not to look to you for any help down the line

I would not be giving her anything, I’d make it clear she cannot do this now or in the future. She signed it over as a gift and that’s it!

Dreadful behaviour!

DO NOT RELEASE EQUITY.

Bloody terrible behaviour. Never heard such ridiculousness in my life.

I don't disagree actually as I think asking for 50k back once you have given it is just ridiculous.

Don't give her anything or even discuss it. It was a gift, you have legally confirmed that it was a gift when you used it as a deposit. She made a choice of what to do with the inheritance, she can't ask for take backs because she's changed her mind. She had 100k, what's she spent that on?

It was a gift, if she didn’t want to lose that money she shouldn’t have gave it to you. She absolutely can’t expect you to sell your home and up sticks because she’s got green eyes and wants fancier digs. It’s a gift, the money is now spent, and you would be severely put out to try and scrape some back now. She is not in serious need, she is in serious WANT. If this was for care needs or an emergency you might be more inclined to do what you can to help her with funding, but as it is she just wants to live on greener pastures.

Just say you cannot and move on, she’s incredibly cheeky for asking. And I ven cheekier for only asking YOU. Brother gets to keep his gift as he spent it on less sellable things..? What, could he not sell one or both of his cars, if you can sell your house? Tell her no and move on. She can kick off all she likes. It was never a loan, you signed plenty paperwork to that effect.

Don't do this Op! Tell her that the money was spent on your house and it was all part of the legal paperwork that you accepted it as a gift!

Assuming she was of sound mind when she gave it to you. You shouldn't have to sell your house and incur legal fees etc to give money back that was freely given to you.

Your mum will have to live with consequences of her decisions just like everyone has to.

Maybe you could help her with whatever savings you have? But leave the house as it is.

It is entirely unreasonable of her to ask for it back, just because she ‘fancies a change’. As it was declared a gift, she has no basis for reclaiming it, and if your aunt feels so strongly, perhaps she could give your mother her money. Only you know how you will feel if relations sour between you, but I would not give up the security of my house in these circumstances.

It was a gift, and it was declared as a gift for your house purchase. It's outrageous that she now wants you to sell your home so that she can buy something in a posh area. You don't have to do this. Let her buy something in a more reasonably priced area.

Might be worth having a conversation with your brother to tell him the situation and agree between you what, if anything, you can each afford to return. If that's nothing then so be it.

It was a very generous gift, and you will always be grateful that you could use it to purchase your home. However, that's what you have done with it - essentially spent it. Tell her you have no way to release the enquity in the house and that she fully understood at the time she was gifting it to you to do with what you wish.

I’d still like to know what the mum did with her £100,000? That’s quite an amount to blow!

It was a gift, and she’s very unreasonable to ask for it back, and since it was even noted in your mortgage as a gift, I feel unless there is other paperwork from her, unlikely to have any grounds for asking for it back.

I feel that I would probably fall out over this. No one would accept that kind of gift, with the expectation that it had to be repaid, unless that was very clear from the outset.

She is being totally unreasonable, from what you have said.

Maybe she does need to speak to your brother too, and you, to hear his thoughts.

If the agreement was ever that you had to repay it, that’s a different story.

Explain that you will have to sell your house and downsize to free up the money for her. Then tell her you fancy moving to x area for a bit of a change. It's an expensive area, so could she possibly gift you another 50 grand to make this possible?

No no no. You do not give her a penny.

I gifted my DC a similar sum after I sold the family home and downsized. The whole point of downsizing is usually to release capital as well as have less space. I actually gave them a bit less than I'd wanted because I didn't release as much capital as planned. I did my sums before giving the money.

I know 2 of the DC have used the money and my cautious saver still has it in a bank account. No way do I have any right to that money.

Please do not offer to give your DM any money. If she cannot afford to move to the new area then she can't do it.

You might want to have a look at the Stately homes threads on here - you seem to be trapped in a relationship where you are being emotionally manipulated and you need to learn how to detach.

From the outside it doesn’t look like a good plan because the essence of the situation is that it’s a gift, you used it, you planned accordingly for a foreseeable future and now your mum fancies move and demands the gift back. It doesn’t work like this.
When you are saying that you’ll give her the same as your brother you are practically saying that her only asking you is the problem but it’s not. The problem is her asking for a gift back. It’s wrong - morally and legally. So if you tie your brother into this dispute you’ll loose your argument. Your mum might have an answer why she is not asking him e.g he promised to help her with the move and settling in the new house.

You need to stick to real problem - your mum gifted you money, you used them and now she is asking (demanding a bit) for them back, she is wrong, she can’t have her gifts back it. She is an adult , she is very unreasonable here.

I think your suggestion is unwise OP.
What if your brother does have significant savings or access to money? Plus you're dragging him into this - what your Mum has asked is unreasonable and unfair but you risk escalating this to a family drama.
I'd keep a gentle but firm line on 'no' and if either your Mum or Aunt keep pushing ask if they really expect you to sell your home to refund a 'gift' and expect that not to cause a rift? Plus it would be £50k minus all your costs in selling and relocating and any tax exposure. Not £50K gross.