She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

I couldn't imagine doing this to my children. I understand your Mum asking (as she may of thought you had some left). I would explain it's tied up in the house and you would have to sell your home to release the funds. I can't imagine she would want you to do that? I would hope not anyway.

I always believe you should never lend money you can't afford to lose. This was a gift however and I wouldn't ever expect a gift returned.

I'm sorry you're in this situation and I would just be honest.

No, I get that she's you mum and people saying they would do anything for them, but this is a choice she wants to make by moving to what she deems to be a better area. How far away is it and does she know people in that area? I would be hesitant in helping her move somewhere completely new in case this backfires.

I think it is a good idea to sit with her and perhaps talk about her finances. Where did her 100k of inheritance go? Then how much do they think her house will sell for? That is her budget to start with before getting you involved.
Does she work? What other money does she have? Will council tax be higher in the new area and has she factored in that long term cost? Is it just mum on her own? What is her spending like generally? I know she might not want to answer some of this but it's hard to gauge from your post how much she really needs to be moving to this new area and if she has considered the realities of living there and how much is just in her head about fancying a change.

I would definitely ask her why she thinks it's ok to ask you for the money and not your brother. Especially when you selling your house to give her money would have a greater impact than the number of cars and how fancy they are in the case of your brother.
Explain to her that the money was a gift not a loan, you have the legal evidence of this, and you did not expect to return it, hence using it as you have. I would explain you feel upset that you are being asked to give her it back (and that this is not true for your brother). I would focus on how you feel that this in unfair and that she should not have given either of you the money if she was going to ask for it back.

Also the Auntie, if she is so concerned about mum having the money perhaps she should help finance it and sell her house!

No, do not get yourself into a position where you promise more than you can afford.

You cannot sell your house to do this - as PPs have pointed out, you will loose half of that money on costs. It makes no sense.

Only promise what you can afford in cash.

No op. Tell her its gone and you are not selling your house. If you are feeling generous if her a little IF you have it, but do not get into debt or give what you do not have. Do not drain any savings to help ( thinking more like couple hundred or push a grand if its not too much for you).
ask her why she is not asking your brother and only you?
do not make yourself homeless as you will not be helped.
do not let anyone make you feel guilty, if your aunt tries, ask her to give your mom the money.

I wouldn't say that until I'd spoken to rhe brother, and test his reaction first.

Came here to say exactly that.

I cant believe any 'Mother' would ask that of their child. What an amazingly selfish women she is.

Hmmm if you can't afford to go up to £50k why don't you say "I'll do my best to match whatever your brother gives you back but I will be limited by how much I can remortgage for as obviously I won't be selling my home to return something given to me as a gift"

Don't do this.

Just tell her that if you give any of the money back it will be taxed as it wasn't a gift after all but a loan and you simply cannot afford it. You can't afford it now, you can't afford it in 6 months time. You just cannot afford it. You've got your own bills to pay and if she wants to downsize, she'll have to pick somewhere else to move to that is affordable to her!

Do not give her a penny back.

I think you should just say you can't give it to her as you don't have the money - you can't afford to sell your home and pay all the fees, stamp duty etc. You could say that she should speak tp your brother and see if he can offer up any money and if so you'll try to match it. But be very clear in your own mind that legally this money is yours and it is patently unreasonable to ask for it back.

I wouldn’t go as far as to risk needing to sell your house. You absolutely should not do that!

I would talk to your brother and see whether he would match what you could possibly give her without putting yourself at risk. I.e keep enough for a new boiler in your savings.

And never trust her again.

How old is your mum?

Where has her £100,000 gone @HereForItMaybe ?
Please don’t give her a penny.
Let her fall out with you and her flying monkey sister.
If she wants to downsize let her move to an area she can afford just as you would.
She gave you that money and by asking for it back knowing you put it into a house, she’s being absolutely uncaring and doesn’t give a stuff about your wellbeing.
If you say yes you will then be on a road to doing more if her bidding.
Most parents would never do this to their children.
Don’t fear her anger tell her to find a home she can afford. Asking you to possibly sell yours so she can move to an expensive area is terrible if her.

Have you spoken with your brother yet about what is being asked of you?

What is his position on this? You could end up showing a united front here and she will just have to accept that the money she gave you as a gift is gone.

Nope.

Don't be so absolutely ridiculous! If you say you'll give her back as much as your brother - even in the belief that he won't give her anything - you'll reinforce in her mind the idea that a gift is returnable. Just treat the request as a laughable non-starter. Which it is.
Stand up for yourself and your child!!!

Wow, your mum is a piece of work. Giving a gift, then taking it back rendering you homeless.

I’d write her a letter telling her that you’d invested it in your dream home and if you have to give the 50k back then you have to sell it. If that didn’t work I’d suggest that both you and your brother split the 50K which is only fair on everyone.

All that said, if my mum made me sell my house, I’d make sure it was the last time I spoke to her.

Seriously, who does that to their child?

I gifted my daughter a large sum of money towards the purchase of a property.

I had to sign a form for her solicitor declaring that the money was definitely a gift not a loan and I understood that I had no right to request it back in future.

If your mother signed a similar form then the answer is obvious. In any case I wouldn't be returning this money if I were you as the money was a gift and it's unreasonable of her to ask for it back at this stage.

Your mother is aware she is asking you to sell your home because she "fancies a change"?

It was a gift, and correct paperwork and solicitor's work was done to ensure the proper tranfer of the beautiful and generous gift. This also means that your mother has no right to ask for it back. It does not make you greedy, simply wanting to keep what is now rightfully yours.

You suggest meeting your mother for coffee and suggesting you gift back as much as your brother is willing to give back. I think that may not be the best idea. I think your mother needs to know that neither of you really can give the money back, as you both spend it. You cannot reasonably sell your home now, you may end up worse off than you would've been had you not received the money in the first place. Suggesting that you pay as much back as your brother does suggest that you are in fact capable of paying it all back as long as it's fair between you and your brother.

Your aunt needs to stay out of it unless she actually has a helpful suggestion.

I mean, hypothetically even if you did give it back ( which you shouldn't), you'd have to deduct 25k in legal and moving fees etc. I doubt the remaining 25k will make much difference to her house purchase.

This is bonkers OP. It was a gift. Your mum hasn't had an unepected illness or a massive change in circumstances. She just fancies moving and she is prepared to put her daughter in a position where she's potentially homeless to get that. I'd tell her where to shove it. This unfortunately isn't the type of parent who's going to bail you out if you need it so don't jeapordise your own security for her. You were gifted the money (probably more for tax reasons) She has no legal or moral claim to it so it's tough.

We gifted some inheritance to our DCs.Fully aware once it was gone it was theirs to spend as they wanted but knowing they were sensible with money and wouldn't take it for granted. But with absolutely no expectation or obligation for them to pay anything back.Thats the true nature of a gift.And now nearing retirement and with the cost of living I'm glad we calculated carefully how much to give away and how much to keep for our own security. The fact your mother has even asked this if you and not your brother is shocking. But it definitely sounds as if your Aunt is stirring things.Please do not sell your house. I hope you find a way to navigate the situation and retain a good relationship with your mum.Not easy and she shouldn't have put you in this position IMO.

This is exactly why when parents give gifts to children to buy houses they are asked to sign to say that they have no claim on the money.

If you really have to, can you speak to a mortgage advisor and see if you can release some equity? That combined with some savings should secure your home. Selling your house is extreme and should be a last resort.

Or.... She could refuse to be manipulated, get on with her own life and let her adult, competent mother manage the consequences of her own financial decisions.

No don’t do what you are proposing! Just say the money is in the house and you can’t access it. Be firm and do not even discuss it. Don’t offer her anything, even £1000, as there will be more requests and negotiations.