She wants the gifted money back

[HereForItMaybe]

I'll keep it short - DM very kindly gifted myself and my brother £50k each, 5 years ago.

She has now asked for it back. My brother has not been asked.

AIBU to say no?

ByTidyCat
You need to start your own thread. You have joined someone else’s here.

Absolutely 100% this. I can’t believe you’re even considering returning the gift. It would be an utterly foolish and nonsensical thing to do.

Do not do it and stop feeling guilty. Why on earth should you feel like the awful daughter?

You have done nothing wrong! I’m concerned that you seem to be thinking that you have.

So your mum and aunt are guilting you to SELL YOUR HOUSE bc your mum ‘fancies a change’ - why can’t your brother sell his TWO cars and put the money towards his mum’s move? Downsizing car is a lot easier than downsizing a bloody house! Crazy

If she hasn't asked your brother I would definitely say no. Also it's not her money she gifted it to you now she decides she wants to move somewhere more expensive she obviously can't as she doesn't have the money. She can't ask you for money back she gave you years ago and why should you sell?

I would tell her that your db’s 50k is still there because he didn’t have to remortgage to buy the 2 cars. So now would be the time for him to remortgage if she really needs the money as you can’t afford to return the gift of 50k. It is tied up in your home.

I’d say no.
It was a gift, and it’s spent.
You would get yourself into financial difficulty. She legally signed this over as a gift and confirmed she had no future right to the funds.
I’d say - sorry mum, I spent it on my house, you know this because you signed all the papers confirming you wouldn’t ask for it back.
It’s not you risking your relationship with her, it’s the other way around.

I think you meant to start your own thread. You’ve posted as a comment on another thread.

Definitely only allow people vaxinated for Whooping Cough as a guest in your home with a new born. Planes are a source of infection. Ask your maternal nurse when your baby will have good immunity.

Wow I wish she was my mom. I’d be lucky to get a pack of chewing gum. Do try helping her if she needs it. Don’t give it all back.

There's an old saying "once you give you don't get back".
You have categoric proof that this was a gift. Unless she's fallen on hard times, she is BVU. If I were in your situation and there's no apparent reason for her asking you and not your brother, I'd discuss along the lines of
"I'll have a word with my brother and see if what we can sort, if anything"
No way should you sell your home.

But just like your brother, you have spent it on a house. H spent his on cars and holidays. Why can't he remortgage his house or sell his house. .....if it was a gift. I would say sorry its spent......otherwise if you do Decide to give it back, say you will give back 25k (minus solicitors fees if any) and your brother can give back the other 25k.

so essentially your mum was gifted the money via inheritance and shared the gift with you and now you would be the greedy daughter if you kept your gift and not give it back to her?

utterly daft. You have spent it. Just because it is in your house doesn’t mean you haven’t spent it. It is utterly unreasonable for her to ask you to give it back.

this is not a life or death situation where I am sure you would try and do something to help. This is just a want and she’s picking on the daughter because it is often the daughters who are expected to drop everything and help their parents.

She is unreasonable to ask for the money back. Say no, it was a gift and it even has been declared as such, you've spent it on the house and you are not planning on selling. She is putting you in a very difficult position.

No it wouldn't.

I feel like I'm in a no-win situation; if I agree, I lose my lovely home. But if I say no, I'll be the awful greedy daughter.

Why should you have to sell your house just because she fancies moving? It’s not her money. She gave it away.

”Im not giving you 50 grand, Mum. I don’t have the money. Please stop asking me.”

Send this and done:

Mum, I want to be clear—the money you gave me was legally declared as a gift to help me buy my home. It wasn’t a loan, and I’ve already used it for that purpose. I understand that you want to downsize, but I can’t return something that was given freely and is no longer available. I hope you can respect that.

There is no way I would sell my house. The absolute most I would do is say I know you haven’t thought this through and I will not be penalised by my own mum for not being a spendthrift, so I will offer to give back as much as my brother has (& I’d need receipts)

and maybe add snarkily that you will know to immediately spend any other gifts ever.

do not say I have x in cash. Do not say I guess the car is worth x. Do say how much is brother giving back? What do you mean he doesn’t have it? I don’t have it either, I’m not selling my house. Why don’t you do the round of your friends and ask for everything you’ve ever given them?

If everything stated is accurate and there's nothing more to the story, then a gift is a gift and she'd have no legal right to it back... Whilst the gift was very generous, it's also incredibly selfish of her to expect you to sell your house so she can downsize to a nicer area.
Politely, yet sternly remind her that it was given as a gift, and you're not in a position to sell your home.

You are lucky you have cast-iron legal documentation that it was a gift.
The money has been spent. End of.
I would keep to these simple facts and not get into discussion and over-explaining.

The situation would be different if your mother were on the bones of her arse financially but she wants to downsize and upgrade socially.

Your mother and aunt need to have consequences for their atrocious demands. Depending on your circumstances, I would go NC with your aunt and minimal contact with your mother for a while. A lot of dutiful daughters regularly do small kindnesses for their parents which are taken for granted. Perhaps you should be busy with your own family matters in the next few months. They can always ask your brother if they need to!

Why just you and not your beitger have to return it? Surely she could ask for half fron both of you instead.

Just caught up. Be the mean daughter. As your DB soent it so have you. End of. No nore discussions on finances with DN from now on.

I wouldn't even engage in any further conversation about it tbh, beyond "I'm afraid I used your GIFT to buy my home so I no longer have the money". She is being ridiculous.

If it was definitely a gift and you don’t easily have access to that sort of money I would say sorry, you can’t raise it.

I say “if” because I lent my DC a similar amount but for the purposes of their mortgage it had to be described as an outright gift. Of course I have no intention of asking for it back but I’d be disappointed if they flat out refused if I really needed it, because of the understanding we had at the time.

She can't do that! That's ridiculous behaviour! Just say, "I spent it on the house." It was a gift and you don't ask for gifts back! Ignore any further requests. Don't be silly and think about getting a loan to.repay her, especially when she hasn't asked tour brother! You know she's wrong don't you?! She has £100,000, what did she do.with it?! If she asks you to.sell your house even though you're happy there, is very selfish of her especially as you have a child happy there.