AIBU or my ex? Child maintenance

[MoneyWoe]

Me and my ex share our child equally, half the time each. He pays for some things, like our child’s weekly swimming sessions, I pay for others, like dinner money. So this part is equal but I would say I do most of the organising for things. Example, I will organise our child’s school trips like filling in the forms and he will give me half the money. This has worked but recently I have got fed up of having to message him asking for half of the money for things all the time, so I put in an application for child maintenance. I didn’t realise this at the time but he is on a very large salary and the money it says he owes is hundreds a month, way more than when he was just paying half of things. He is saying he is going to argue this with them as we share our child equally, and according to him, in these sorts of equal cases he doesn’t need to pay any maintenance. He said he will take it to court if he has to. He’s also said I might have to pay any money back if the child maintenance service agrees with him.

AIBU to expect him to pay the maintenance and is he correct in that he won’t need to pay any maintenance in our situation?

If there is a huge difference in earnings maintenance can still be due even in a 50/50 case.

If the CMS calculator said he owes you money I can’t see why he won’t. Seems a shame that you’ve ruined an aspect of coparenting that was working well just because you couldn’t be bothered communicating with him. It just seems a bit petty.

It sounds like you found out he earns a lot of money and so you want some of it.

If he has his child 50% of the time and pays for half of everything then I think you're being really greedy.

If he's a high earner then he possibly is still due you maintenence even on a 50/50 arrangement.

CMS will figure it out beforehand though so you won't be due any money back to him .

Is the money CMS says worth it though, the agreeable coparenting, flexibility, the extras provided will all stop by the sounds of it, is it worth disrupting everything because you can't be arsed messaging for his half of the school trips?

Honestly, I think you're being greedy. He was paying half to everything. You're potentially wrecking a good coparenting with this.

One person has to fill in forms and stuff, I do all that, but it takes me 2 seconds to fire a WhatsApp to my ex and say can you send me £x please. so long as your ex sends it straight away I can't see the issue.

Does she actually spend exactly half the week/month at his house ?

You're being greedy and incredibly unreasonable.

It sounds like you've found out he is a high earner and want to benefit from it. If you were a higher earner, would you expect him to claim from you, despite 50/50 care?

I hope the breakdown in your co-parenting relationship and the impact on your child is worth the extra ££ in your account each month.

And do you both get to work to same amount of hours/ progress in your careers? Does she have a bedroom and use the same amount of food, heating, electricity, car fuel etc etc

Do you claim child benefit?

Did you put 50:50 into the calculator?

Why does he not organise stuff, surely if it's 50:50 he should be organising some of it, as in DC comes home from school with a party invitation, the date falls on his day, so he organises it all?

Honestly wtf.

If you have the kids 50/50 then I think you're being greedy and unreasonable.

Do you know how many mums would love an arrangement where the dad happily has the kids half the time and pays for half of things when you ask.

If child maintenance says it is owed it is owed as long as it is all stated truthfully!

What is the split of two overnights between you? Did you put this into CMS calculation?

How much is the very high income?

Why not suggest he spends some of his money on hiring a part-time time PA to do some of the organising for your child? Or tell him you'll bill him PA rates for his share and withdraw the CM claim, if it's the organisation that's bothering you?

Personally I think his child should be benefiting from his high income. What does he do with them when they visit? Does he take them places and on nice holidays? Is he saving into a savings account for them for university? I don't necessarily agree that he should pay you CM but I think it's pretty shitty of him just to be sharing the basics for his child if actually he's raking it in.

It needs to be over 156k a year for any maintenance to be due on 50/50 (and that’d be decided at court, not by CMS).

Thank you random Internet person, because of this post I've just discovered that 50/50 doesn't nullify child maintenance for high earners and my ex actually should have been paying for years.

I never even thought to check until I read this. He's literally watched us suffer and has offered nothing!

I’d say be very careful here - if your ex pays for swimming lessons, etc, he could well stop paying for such things as he could say, that’s what maintenance is for.

Also, if childcare arrangements are 50/50, would it be possible that he will look for more, encourage your child to want to live with him more than 50/50?

This is crazy

I get that but also it's not a race to the bottom

I suggest you tot up the last few months outgoings/activities/etc and then set a realistic budget. Then set up a separate bank account in both your names that you both deposit an agreed amount.
Problem sorted.

Hmmm. I think you may have opened a can of worms here. He may very well start being awkward, stop paying for any extras, swimming, uniform, half of expensive trips(especially as he gets older), clothes etc etc and say that’s what maintenance is for and you may end up worse off…

If they were still together would posters be saying that the bills should be split 50/50 despite a huge disparity in income? Surely if he is the bigger earner he should be paying more than 50% of the childcare costs anyway.

Chasing a parent for money who says they are doing half, but isnt really otherwise you wouldnt be having to chase them, is demoralising. Its not a great coparenting relationship either if one party is doing all the bending over and the other takes advantage. Wait and see how the CMS works out, and if he wants to take it to court good luck to him, unlikely court will disagree with CMS if you completed the form correctly.