No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

[farmlife2]

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

Short emergency journeys are covered. Not easily foreseeable didn't bother to plan properly short journeys.
And that still doesn't cover the foot well

The footwell is inexcusable

In the footwear??? Of course you are not being unreasonable. You're being sensible. She's bonkers!

She's the one being unreasonable and stupid not caring about her child's safety.

How was her DH expecting her to get home? At tge very least she/he should have left/taken the car seat with her surely?

Shes willing to put her toddler in a footwell for a lift? God no!

Only time you even think about having an infant in your car without a car seat is rushing to a hospital with them.

She could have easily asked in advance and brought the car seat. You're right legally and morally and you'd never have forgiven yourself if you had to break with her baby in the footwell or someone came in the back of you.

She should never have put that on you. And if she doesn't forgive you she's not your friend

In the foot area!? She’s crazy af

You so did the right thing .. mum who says oh ill sit him in the foot well of the car is out of order and prepared to put her child at risk she needs to give her head a shake !!

I wouldn't care if she's got the hump leave her be and stand your ground.

Infuriates me how people love to take risks when there not driving the car.

You did the right thing. I will do the same than you. Once my sil wanted to take my kid without a car seat and I refused. She could not understand why claiming it was a short trip but I stood my ground. The safety of my kids are,my priority and I will not put another kid at risk you never know what could happen even if it is a short trip
Better be safe than being sorry.

With how much information there is about child car seat safety freely accessible it’s completely unacceptable she’d endanger her DC in that way.

I wouldn’t allow her unsupervised around my children or even want to continue the friendship honestly.

Actually you do because legally if you can't fit 3 car seats across the back you can put a toddler in the middle without a car seat. Also for short one off journeys you legally don't need a car seat!

Move it to the front seat! It's not difficult -: you really don't like this person do you?

Could her toddler not of sat in one of your many car seats ? And the mum in the front

The op has 3 kids...she would not have fitted the mum plus her toddler in her car. Unless the toddler sat on the floor or on mums knee...both dangerous!

She should have planned how she was getting home. I think she had decided to ask you for a lift, regardless of safety rules. She shouldn't have put you in that position - I would not have risked my child's life in that way - she is definitely in the wrong.

OP you were right and showed a care and love for children.

You did the right thing. She shouldn't have asked you to break the law.

My 7yo has never rode in a car seat. I just used to put him on my lap. We don't own a car but have used plenty of Ubers or had lifts from family/friends with no issues. I would have thought you were being pretty ridiculous.

Before I recently passed my test I managed 3 children without a car. Non drivers like this really annoy me, you can't rely on other people to ferry you about. Sometimes my non driver status meant I missed out on groups that I would have liked to go to but that is just the way it is. Expecting people to risk their licence, safety and children's safety is just not on. I don't know why a PP suggested that OP was responsible for offering to pay for another adult's taxi home!

Toddler in the footwell!!! Isn't that just the most dangerous place to be!
Toddler in a seat at the back on a cushion would be safer.

I would be really questioning her judgement and my friendship. If she thinks that's fine for her own kid imagine what she may think is fine for someone else's kid.

You are so, so lucky you were never involved in an accident.

YANBU

Im not a stickler for rules but would have absolutely said no to this. I may have been ok with toddler beside her in the back or on her lap for a very short distance, maybe a mile on slow roads but no way would I put a child in the footwell.i would have serious concerns about her parenting after this.

Because the car seats had children sitting in them ?

Ridiculous not to allow the child to ride in the footwell ??

I’m guessing here but if she typically cycles everywhere and lives somewhere you can easily grab buses she may have either failed to think through how far away bus stop was (eg have looked it up with default being time to cycle to it vs time to walk and not realised) or she might just have assumed she’d be able to get a bus even with a bit of a wait and not considered the stop being 3.5 miles away. Honestly I would check before I went because I like to have a plan but it would not have occurred to me that housing in a built up area could be that far from a bus route.

When DS was a toddler we had a car accident. It wasn’t particularly high speed - only about 35-40mph on a country road. I swerved to avoid a pheasant and then lost control, bounced off a tree and ended up in a ditch. Both windscreens broke, and the folded buggy that had been in the boot ended up 20 yards away. The contents of the (closed at the time of the accident) glove box were scattered over the road. Bits of my car were all over the place. CDs were lodged in the hedge by the road. Despite the airbag inflating, my knees whacked hard against the dashboard. It was astounding to see how much movement of any items that weren’t fixed down occurred. I’ve even heard people saying their rings have come off on impact in crashes. DS was safely strapped in this car seat, but it makes my blood run cold to think what would have happened if he’d been in the foot-well. As it is, I’ll never ever forget the car coming to a halt, and me turning round to look and see if DS was still alive. It was nearly 20 years ago and I still feel sick thinking about it.

You were right to refuse OP.