No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

[farmlife2]

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

@Newhorizons8 read my post above. You really need to rethink your travel regime.

OP, you were not being even a bit unreasonable. I’m astonished by the people in this thread advocating travelling without a car seat “because it’s OK for short journeys” - two thirds of car accidents happen within five miles of home. It’s also (if you look at what the guidance says) only OK to have your child in the back seat. I’m amazed by the number who seem to be hard of reading on this thread - just how many times do you have to tell them that there were three children travelling in three car seats in the back, and your friend wanted to sit in the front with her DC in the footwell?

You absolutely did the right thing.
Her request was wildly inappropriate.
She is being neglectful of her child!
Other options:

• get a cab 3.5 miles
• get OH to pick her back up
• walk
• don’t go in the first place

I have absolutely no idea why 7% are saying YABU. That’s wild!

Why is it OP's responsibility to pay for a can? Round here that would be about £18 for a similar journey. It's absolutely NOT ok to drive with a toddler in the foot well however carefully you drive, what about all the other nutters on the road or if you have to brake hard? I can't believe you even think it's an option.

I wouldn’t. It’s points on your licence as the driver!

You were put in an impossible position. The outcomes if something went wrong would have been life changing. She should have just called herself a taxi or planned her transport better.

Wow, no I couldn’t have done this OP. For so many reasons. As well as it being illegal, an unsecured toddler in the footwell could be badly hurt in even a small accident or sudden stop. And if the toddler starts making a fuss and trying to climb out they’re right where you’re trying to drive and could cause an accident. On top of that, if you did this once, she’d find it reasonable to put you in this situation again.

As taxis exist, that’s the solution and as a PP said, sometimes you just have to suck it up if you don’t have transport and it means you can’t go somewhere.

You’re legally allowed to have a child on your lap, for a one off journey, or if there is no room for another car seat. However, they MUST travel in the rear of the vehicle. Whether you deem it “safe” or not, is another issue, but she’d face the same situation in a taxi. The fact is that you didn’t have room for her and her child, so were not being unreasonable to not give her a lift. The suggestion of putting the child in the footwell would be laughable, if it wasn’t so dangerous.

Well, this is AIBU, so I am going to say yes, you absolutely should have bunged the child and car seat in the boot because here you are unkind and selfish unless you massively put yourself out to accomodate other people's demands, whims or unreasonable cheeky fuckery requests.

Who offers to put their child in a foot well 🙄You did the right thing OP

Not true. Time to post the link again: https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

If you don't have travel you don't go, or ask a friend in advance. If you were hit in a head on collision and her baby was killed, it would have been you held responsible. Anyone saying you should have done it clearly doesn't care about the safety of the child. You were right.

No. Regardless of the risks involved, which people might assess differently, I would never ask a friend to do something illegal that might get them into trouble with the police.

Nope, give the situation, I'd have said no too.

Right here! On the link you posted 😂

There wasn't room for another car seat

That does not say what you claimed, i.e. "You’re legally allowed to have a child on your lap, for a one off journey, or if there is no room for another car seat". It is only for emergencies. By no stretch of the imagination was this an emergency.

I've been in a similar situation, with my SIL who insisted it was fine for me to sit in the back seat with ds on my lap and the same seatbelt around both ds and I 🤯 (she works in child health/welfare!)

The situation was exacerbated by us leaving in the first standard car taxi, they ordered a 6 seater as they had a larger family, and something went wrong with their car and they were stuck for over an hour waiting for it.

All my fault apparently and she wouldn't let it go for a long time.

You haven't done anything, stand by your decision.

Well done! I am impressed that you stood your ground and wonder if I would have been as strong as you. I really hope so.

If I'd been in this situation, I'd have brought the car seat with me and messaged people to ask for a lift before I set off. What was she going to do if everyone had said no?

It was obvious you didn't have room in your car so she was unkind to ask. My DH would have insisted I had money for a taxi just in case or I'd have walked to the bus stop rather than risking my child's life like that.

Definitely don't feel bad.

Error

I wouldn't have done this OP, you were absolutely in the right.

I've had it before when a relative brought my nieces over to mine, the plan was for us all to drive to an activity in my car. However, when they arrived it transpired that they had no car seats, relative (not their parent) was looking after them for the day, and everyone knew the plans involved driving, but neither relative nor the parents had thought to ensure they had car seats in the car they'd be travelling in. They weren't toddlers but certainly still of an age/ size to need high back boosters. I just said I wouldn't take them in my car, was happy to do a different activity within walking distance. They were insistent on original plan so I said well you'll have to take them in your car then. Was definitely branded as awkward, but just not something I was prepared to do.

Have had the same on a family holiday abroad when I insisted on waiting for the taxi with a car seat we had prebooked - not stopping anyone else going with the quicker option as we were having to take several anyway so they could all get the ones from outside the hotel, but I just explained that DD and I would wait for the one with the car seat. Lots of rolling eyes and patronising talk about how 'anxious' I was and it wasn't a legal requirement blah blah. I don't care, I'll do what I think is the best and safest option for my DD, however neurotic others think that makes me.

Confusing. So many people have had to ask to clarify. Why couldn't you have just said in the first post.
"I had three children in the back of my car in car seats.. and only the front passenger seat was free. So the friend said they would put the child in the front footwell at their feet."
Effectively your car was full.
Also, at first it sounded like a group at a public place miles from anywhere. but it turns out another mother was hosting, presumably at their home?
If it was at a friends, You wouldn't have been leaving her high and dry in the cold at a bus stop but at a friends house, in the warm, with an extra phone, where she could have got a cab. Presumably friend had a mobile herself.
There were other people there including the host who might have had space or you could have all sat down and worked something out together whilst you were all meeting.
Did everyone else just zoom off?
How did she get home in the end?
If she got home safely in the end it's probably not worth worrying about. Your friend will have learnt the lesson to be more prepared in future.. phone someone else that's coming and ask them to bring a spare car seat she can borrow temporarily, even if its in someone else's car.

You're pretty ridiculous if you think this is acceptable. You're extremely lucky you've never been in an accident.

You did the correct thing, OP. If you were involved in an accident (and statistically most accidents happen close to home), you'd have felt terrible if the child was injured or worse.
Oh, and for those insisting OP change the car seats round for the friend to travel in the back with the child (which is still illegal!), not all passenger seat airbags can be disabled, so not suitable for fitting a car seat in anyway.

Nope. She could not have helped. At that moment in time she did not know about the airbag switch. Pointless.

Secondly, OP said no. So it's not her problem, blame the crap mother, it's absolutely solely her problem.

You did the right thing op. How ridiculous for your friend to put you in that situation.
As driver responsibility is on you.
There was a case a few years ago where mum driving had put young child in booster not appropriate seat that was there and there was a collision. Child seriously injured. Whilst the other driver was at fault mum was brought into proceedings for contributory negligence.
Imagine having to read court papers blaming you for a child’s life changing injuries.