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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 11/02/2025 09:37

Not a chance I’d have done this. So extremely dangerous. Of course it’s 99.9% chance things would be fine, but a crash can happen anytime, and that child would have been killed instantly in the footwell. I’d be wary of a friend that would even ask someone of such a thing.
Don’t doubt yourself at all. You absolutely did the right thing.

HellMet · 11/02/2025 09:42

I wouldn't have driven her like that, no. As it was a group though, I'd have asked someone to wait with one of my DC whilst I drove her and her DC to the bus stop and came back for my DC.

TillyTrifle · 11/02/2025 09:45

That friend would never be allowed to take my children anywhere or have them for an unsupervised play date because she clearly can’t be trusted to make responsible decisions. I would distance myself from anyone who would do this tbh. Not someone I would myself having anything in common with or trusting and that’s kind of essential in mum friends.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 11/02/2025 09:50

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:47

Am I meant to stick the child that needed to be in that car seat in the boot too?

Show quote history

It probably shouldn't have done but that made me laugh, yep just stick your little one in the boot as though they are a bag of shopping from Tesco's!

Admittedly I'm no legal expert but surely if you'd had a crash which proved fatal for the unrestricted child in the footwell (just typing that made me shudder) you'd be the one facing potential manslaughter charges? Your car, your responsibility and absolutely not worth the risk to yourself or your friends child.

Frostynoman · 11/02/2025 09:52

You can switch airbags off so one of the seats could have gone in the front and the rather cheeky friend in the back with their little one on their lap. I would have considered that option but no, a footwell is utterly stupid - it would absolutely make me never let them have my child for a play date without me there if it arose in the future!

threelittlescones · 11/02/2025 09:56

Her suggestion was absolutely horrific and you were entirely correct to refuse.

The people suggesting things like putting the child in the back with an adult seatbelt or sitting with the child on her lap "holding on tightly" are almost as ridiculous as her. Also, just because it's legal in a taxi to not use a car seat doesn't make it safe at all.

The lack of knowledge surrounding car seat safety in this country, and others I'm sure, is terrible. Legal doesn't necessarily equal safe. All of my own children will be rear facing in appropriate car seats until they're at least 6 years old and do not travel in any other vehicles without their own car seats properly fitted in it.

Thirteenblackcat · 11/02/2025 09:56

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:19

farmlife2 · 03/02/2025 08:02

There are no young children in my family but I do find I'm not interested in other people's non-family young children anymore. Been there, done that, so I understand where you're coming from. This time is now mine.

🤔

Hi wagatha

Hdjdb42 · 11/02/2025 09:57

Of course you did the right thing. I would never let a toddler sit in the footwell. It's very well her suggesting it's okay because you're not going far, and can go slowly but you can not control other drivers. I was hit while stationary at red traffic lights! They wrote off my car! We all got whiplash and I hurt my back! Also if you got caught, you would have been given points. You said no, and someone more appropriate gave a lift. That was the best thing all round wasn't it? Your friend needs to better plan ahead, especially with her child. Her main priority should be her child's safety.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 11/02/2025 10:01

You did the right thing @farmlife2 She should never have put you in that position.

neverthelastone · 11/02/2025 10:02

You did exactly the right thing, OP - it would be your legal liability if something happened to the child, and it’s downright dangerous to have a child that young in the front seat, never mind the footwell! (My DP is a personal injury lawyer so I have heard some of the most horrible tales of what can happen to you in a car accident…by the way, never put your feet up on the dashboard, people.)

Your friend was in the wrong to get annoyed with your refusal.

HappyAsASandboy · 11/02/2025 10:03

I would absolutely not have transported a small child without the correct car seat.

I would have offered to take her to the bus stop before the end of the group if someone at the group could keep an eye on my kids while I did it. Then her child could have used one of your car seats (presumably). It all depends on the type of group/someone being happy to mind your kids etc etc though. I would be pissed off at missing the last 20 mins of the group to take her to the bus, too.

As an adult, you don't go unless you have arranged a way home.

MarioLink · 11/02/2025 10:11

No way. As the driver it was your call to make and you would have been responsible had you been stopped or if the toddler had been injured.

It would have been nice to help but she pit herself in that situation by going to the group with no proper plan to get home.

whatapalarva · 11/02/2025 10:21

You do it once, harder to say no the next time. You did the right thing, she probably does it all the time and for someone to say no, reminds her that its dangerous.

Hedgingmybetching · 11/02/2025 10:22

YANBU at all! She asked you to put a child in danger and do something illegal, both massive nos!

In the footwell of a car, a small accident could cause a fatility, completely unreasonable!

I certainly hope noone gives you shit. Your Mum needs her head wobbling too, Christ there's arguments about even having toddlers in forward facing seats at 2 years old never mind completely un restrained in a part of the car that would crumple in a small head on collision!

BMW6 · 11/02/2025 10:22

But why didn't she have an arrangement for her DH to pick her up or just call a cab to get home?

I don't drive and I would never dream of going anywhere without a plan of how I'm getting home without banking on cadging s lift! Weird and frankly entitled.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2025 10:34

Your friend knew she had no way of getting to the bus stop.
Your friend knew you had three kids
Presumably your friend knew you had two choices of vehicle, one bigger than the other.
Your friend needed to ask BEFORE she left if you'd be able to drop her.
If she didn't know until he dropped her off, she needed to make sure she had money for a cab.

Asking someone with space is fine.
Asking someone without space is not fine.
Asking your friend to risk her livelihood and freedom and your own child's life, because you've failed to plan adequately, is also not fine.
Refusing to break the law and endanger her daughter and your liberty is fine.

MercurialButton · 11/02/2025 10:36

Hard no from me. Imagine even a tiny bump from another car and the other driver reacts or if her previous got hurt. It would be on you.

I’d offer her few pounds to call a cab, and drive off …

Chucklecheeks01 · 11/02/2025 10:38

@Caerulea do you usually spend most of your days trying to fight everyone else's (self inflicted) problems. The friend should have made arrangements to get home, she didn't. She then had a way to get home, walking, but she didn't seem to want to do that so put her problem on to the OP to fix.

You've gone out of your way to find a reason why the OP's very reasonable points as to why she could not take her friend are in fact unreasonable.

Why?

Are you usually this contrary?

TheCheeseTax · 11/02/2025 10:39

Jesus christ

Chucklecheeks01 · 11/02/2025 10:39

And for reference, although not illegal, it would not legally be construed as an emergency, she was not dashing to the hospital. She also, did not have taxi exception. The Op would have been liable for anything that happened.

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2025 10:41

Absolutely not. You did the right thing. How was she planing to get home?

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2025 10:41

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:37

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Still illegal!

Nerd3 · 11/02/2025 10:41

Why couldn't she call a taxi?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/02/2025 10:42

If the OP had been stopped by the police for any reason, IIRC she could have incurred points on her licence for having a child not properly strapped in.

whatkatydid2014 · 11/02/2025 10:55

GoneGirl12345 · 11/02/2025 07:57

Yeah I was thinking this as the only other option. But she is very cheeky and should have just called a cab.

Show quote history

For a 3.5 mile trip then had I been OP I’d have joined forces with another mum and one of us would have waited with both sets of kids while the other gave her a lift to the bus stop.
That said had I been her I’d probably have walked to the bus stop