Friend kissed my baby, feeling upset

[Lurkinmn]

A friend came to visit me and asked if she can take the baby. Baby is 16 weeks old, I gave her the baby and she did a quick peck on my baby's cheek. I was shocked that why would she kiss other people's baby. I was upset and when she left I wiped my baby's face but I am feeling quite upset about her inconsiderate behaviour putting my baby's health risk. Baby has been fussy last night and I am feeling quite worried about my baby's health. Baby has all her vaccines so far.
What should I do and what should I say to her and other visitors coming to our place to see baby?

It's how I got where I am today!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_kissing

I wouldnt kiss anyones baby on the lips obviously or a brand newborn but I've definitely given nieces/nephews and friends babies kisses on the cheek! I understand if you have cold sores I suppose but I couldnt not kiss my own baby!

Assuming you are not a troll, I’m afraid your anxiety is obsessive and ridiculous. Do you not ever put your face close to your baby's at all, even when you haven’t got a cold sore? If you do, what’s the difference from a kiss on the cheek? Germs won’t enter through the skin of her cheek! If you don’t ever hold your baby with your face close to hers, or let your other DC get that close to her, I feel very sorry for both poor children. It might be a reasonable rule for the first couple of weeks of a baby's life, but she is not a newborn any more.

The baby could well have been fussy because she sensed your abnormal anxiety. It certainly won’t have been anything to do with the kiss.

I really think you need some counselling.

We were all kissed as tiny babies, I guarantee, and we were all absolutely fine.
How lovely that your friend feels so affectionate towards your baby!

Smothering a friend's baby in kisses: weird.
Giving your friend's baby a peck on the cheek: normal.

Not kissing your own child, as a family ? Poor baby.

@Lurkinmn Thanks for this thread. It’s certainly made me think of another point of view.

I don’t think I’ve ever kissed a friend’s baby on the cheek. And I don’t recall friends doing that to mine. Family, on the other hand, have given lots of kisses.

I wouldn’t have been be upset by it. I didn’t worry too much about germs. I’d understand it was a loving gesture, without thought the parents may not like it. I guess the pandemic has made people more aware of infectious conditions.

With kindness, if certain things are important to you, it’s best to calmly communicate them. People have very different views of what’s appropriate for kids. For example, some people think it’s kind to give toddlers loads of chocolate, whereas others wouldn’t. It’s best to say.

I think as long as you don't have an active cold sore you are safe to kiss your baby!
Nobody could stop me kissing my babies

Yes, it absolutely is abnormal. It’s abnormal by definition as the vast majority of people don’t behave like that (poll currently showing 97% and frankly I’m surprised it’s not higher).

Something very wrong with your parenting style, and it's extremely sad if you've never given your own baby a kiss on his or her face. I really can't get my head around that.
Why?

Wow, what do you think will happen when baby goes to nursery ? This is your anxiety and unhealthy.

I feel sorry for your baby , was actually shocked when I read your first post . It's normal to kiss them .

i had to go back to work when baby was 5 months old so settling in started at 4 months old. I can’t imagine the germs she was exposed to!

on the plus side she has never had a single day off school for sickness. I think she’s only had a mild temperature twice in her life so I figure it didn’t do her any harm! Quite the opposite!

Your baby’s wellbeing will suffer far more from being deprived of normal affection.

This. Not kissing your baby is very strange and makes me feel very sorry for the poor baby. As for your friend kissing the baby, you're massively overreacting and someone's got to kiss the poor mite, so good on her her

This can’t be real.
The only time a peck on the cheek is even potentially riskier than holding baby (most likely talking to her and breathing in her face anyway) is if you do not carry the cold sore virus but your friend has an active outbreak/ outbreak on the way.
you are being ridiculous unreasonable and I don’t know whether I believe this is a real post. If it is then please get yourself and your family some therapy.

I saw some videos from doctors on Instagram about the risks to young babies due to kissing hence I don't kiss her on face

I missed this. My Instagram feed is full of baby 'advice' as I have an 8 month old. Most of it is absolute nonsense. A lot of it is downright dangerous.

I take my advice from the NHS and health visitors (and even the latter is taken with a pinch of salt).

Get help for your health anxiety, this is no way for children to grow up. Don't get health advice from TikTok or Insta.

Get off Instagram and Tiltok and see a doctor for your anxiety. That's not normal.

What you should do is start saving for the baby's therapy.

I get not on the lips, but not smooched their cheeks. Your baby will be fine so long as you aren’t ill.

You need counselling for your germ phobia.

Hi OP,

it sounds to me like you’ve taken the guidelines and advice but then taken it out of context. Unless your baby was very premature/ has a specific health condition meaning that their immune system is particularly vulnerable this is really quite over the top. Some people choose to do this with a newborn (which is sensible for a couple of weeks PP) but your baby is not a newborn any more. I think rather than trying to control the amount of germs your baby is exposed to (as you just can’t, especially given their age and that you have another older child already), you need to work on managing the anxiety now. Don’t underestimate the impact your own anxiety will have on your child.

OP you should probably make an appointment with your GP following this.

To discuss your health anxiety.

She’s not a new born. You seriously don’t want to pass on these anxieties to children. Your eldest child must be picking up on this by now, especially if you’re overreacting to germs around baby.

Ffs