Friend kissed my baby, feeling upset

[Lurkinmn]

A friend came to visit me and asked if she can take the baby. Baby is 16 weeks old, I gave her the baby and she did a quick peck on my baby's cheek. I was shocked that why would she kiss other people's baby. I was upset and when she left I wiped my baby's face but I am feeling quite upset about her inconsiderate behaviour putting my baby's health risk. Baby has been fussy last night and I am feeling quite worried about my baby's health. Baby has all her vaccines so far.
What should I do and what should I say to her and other visitors coming to our place to see baby?

It’s not abnormal though. Again might not be how you do things but it doesn’t mean she’s doing anything wrong or has severe anxiety or is bonkers etc!! She’s clearly stated they kiss the baby just not on the face, I don’t get what is so wrong with that and why people like you have to be so patronising and such a know it all, maybe you need to see your GP if putting a new mum down on social media is something that makes you feel good, that’s not normal 🫠

This is heartbreakingly batshit.

Just when I thought MN couldn't get any dafter

But your baby isn't a newborn, she's 4 months old!!

So she hasn't kissed the baby in a way that the baby will feel, experience and benefit from. She kisses her head and feet ffs but not her face! That's not normal!

It's not an over reaction. There can be serious health risks to babies from kissing them from the cold sore virus. The advice is not to kiss them for that reason. I don't know the full ins and outs, as in if the person has to have an active cold sore of or if the age of the baby is also a factor ( smaller they are more vulnerable) but it's a real issue and op has just had a baby so be kind, sometimes we' over think stuff. It happens.

Is patronising your buzz word of the day or something 😂

Going by the numerous replies on this thread, Id say it's pretty conclusive that this is not normal behaviour.

Not letting people kiss your baby is fine, but you need to communicate it clearly because friends and relatives are not going to expect that you don't want them kissing your four month old. You need to understand that this is your preference, which is fine, but it is not a rule that you NEED to have for your baby's health, so it's not one people will expect unless you communicate it to them.

She absolutely is at risk of passing on a cold sore, they can be deadly to babies. Do your research!

Yes, all the time. As previous poster mentioned, it's quite normal and expected in many other cultures.

Babies benefit from being kissed on the face. Partly it's a sensory pleasure and a bonding experience and also for health and family bonding purposes! It's not normal or healthy to avoid kissing your baby's face

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10509937/

Not by kissing the baby's face especially if she doesn't have a breakout. The herpes virus enters the body through mucus membranes or where skin is thin such as the mouth or genitals. It doesn't enter via the cheek or forehead. If OP doesn't have a cold sore and hasn't had one for some time she's almost certainly not viral shedding anyway. And if she's really that worried she can take aciclovir prescribed by the GP until she feels the baby is old enough.

Same, it's the most natural thing in the world. I can't imagine being handed my own baby as soon as they were born and not showering them with kisses. It's the most natural, comforting, maternal thing in the world. I'm actually finding this whole thread so sad. The OP is so willing to prioritise her own anxiety over the care and wellbeing of her baby. Babies deserve kisses!

OP, seek help, this is a cruel way to treat your child.

I think you need to prioritise your own wellbeing! You don't sound well at all. You've completely ignored or dismissed any posters pointing out how awful it is your baby has never been kissed.

I get cold sores too, so too a large percentage of the population. Do you really suppose that all our poor children go unkissed or do you think we are sensible people?

You sound insufferable.

You clearly are very anxious about your babies health. As we all are. But treating them like this, as you can see so so different to how other people treat them, is much more damaging. You are aware that you have anxiety - are you getting help for it?

I had health anxiety but it would never have occurred to me to not kiss my baby, I found it impossible not to!

I find it incredibly sad you or your family haven't kissed your baby (and I'm not counting on the feet) due to a post on Instagram. This is where I find social media so harmful, you have no idea who is posting these messages and here we have a poor baby being deprived of affection from their family.

Please get some support for your anxiety.

If this is true and you’re really this panicky OP, I am really sorry for you and I really hope you can get some support.

The advice is to not kiss baby’s face if you feel the onset of an outbreak or have one.
yes she can kiss the baby if she’s clear but I think it’s clear she doesn’t want to risk it just yet and doesn’t feel comfortable doing so which I think is fine if that’s how she feels. Defo agree with asking for the aciclovir

I’d always ask permission before picking up a young baby but yes I kiss them on the cheek or forehead and have never heard it’s unhygienic. You can’t believe everything you see on social media.

Yes if you have an outbreak or feel the onset. That's completely different to never kiss your baby's face ever. As I'm sure you know.

This is where I find social media so harmful, you have no idea who is posting these messages and here we have a poor baby being deprived of affection from their family.

It's not social media though is it? If social media said the sky is green, would people believe it? There may well be a dim witted few who do, but the majority would not. If people have concerns, there are many legitimate ways to fact check. I think this is more a case of confirmation bias - people believe what they want to believe.

You haven't kissed your 4 month old baby??????

Agree totally.

I have anxiety about germs as my older DC used to fall sick a lot and landed in hospital a few times.
My eldest was exactly the same! I was told I had a snotty child and the best way to help him was he needed a lot of exposure to things around him. He was 'snnotty' at nursery but by the time he went to reception he was fine. I am not exaggerating when I say he didn't have a sick day from school up to the day he left. High school He got a certificate .

Op you are not helping the wellness of your baby.at all. Baby needs to be around germs to help build up immune systems.