This is too much cycling, right?

[Bananagirl23]

Husband goes on his bike the following:

Sat 9.30am-4pm
Sun 4pm - 9pm
Mon - Thu (after work) 6-8.30pm
Friday 6-7pm

its ridiculous, right? We have 1 DC age 11. It’s reached a point now where I don’t think I can carry on with the marriage

Of course it's excessive, he's a father and a husband. How is OP meant to ever get time to herself? When does the child get quality time with her father? When is there any family time? Why is it ok the he leaves op to do the vast majority of childcare, and no doubt housework? Training my arse, hes not a professional, he's just being selfish, he should not have got married and had a child if he wanted to live such a selfish life.

Don’t put it in the bin

sell it on marketplace for a fraction of what he paid 😂

but seriously put in for 2 of the bikes in the divorce, it could cover your solicitor fees

some wheels alone start at £3k

OMG!

Terrible typo!

"Cocking" in 2nd para, obviously "cycling"

Good luck @MikeRafone

Sending hugs! You can do this. Similar story except for the cycling...Ex avoiding me, saying it was because I went on at him too much, refused counselling, progressed to name calling, ignoring, then really horrible name calling and emotional abuse. I went to marriage counselling alone (!) and realised it wasn't me and how miserable I was essentially being a lone parent. Am literally a million times happier now, it's been 3 years, first 2 were like a blur- we'd been together 25 years. You can do this, and you deserve to be treated better x

Off the point, but I hope you make him wash his cycling kit

I think it depends what type of cycling people do. My OH and a couple of colleagues all do 200/300km plus rides regularly and they all cycle this much. I guess it’s not a million miles off training for something like the Tour de France though. His cycling club are doing this one this year, which is 1,500km over 5 days. londonedinburghlondon.com/london-edinburgh-london-2025-route-revealed

It sounds like you're just in his life to keep his life ticking over at home: you're in charge of your mutual DC while he does what he wants at weekends and weeknights. And only show-parents around his own family on the rare occasion he sees them.

Sounds like your DC see this, too. I'd follow through on the divorce

Cycling is one of those hobbies men get obsessed about.
I don't think runners even spend so much time doing it.
I doubt he's having an affair, I'm sure he is really cycling that much.
I had a friend divorce her cycling husband for similar reasons (also spent practically zero time with the kids).

If it were me I'd talk to my parents about it. If yours are nice and understanding they may offer support. If you can move in with them, while starting a divorce, it would be better all round. This kind of life is miserable and no marriage at all. It's almost as if he cannot stand you all. When you get your half of the house, you can get a nice flat and start working and saving.

Would he be open to dropping a weekend day in order to keep the marriage going? Or does he just not show no interest in you at any other times?

I love riding my bike, but it is no longer the life stage for me to be off for hours, gruelling head winds etc and then knackered on the sofa afterwards.

Nearly everyone I know really enjoys riding with their children now. It is simply a lovely form of quality time, and I cannot get how he would want the company of a load of cycling blokes, obsessing over Strava segments over encouraging and supporting his DC to ride, or do another hobby together.

When he is retired he can pick up the cycling obsession again and join the "fit old Dad's with nothing else to do" gang. But not now.

He's cycling the globe? Ohhhh wait....

Sounds like a load of men I know - let's squuuuuueeeeeeze into lycra and look at meeee whooooosh! Spring will make them all come out again, that and their stupid banana stuffed into the back of the too tight shirt, as if they're doing a 10000k ride.

I’m not sure how he can say he does it because you go on at him. He’s never there to go on at.

The only bloke I know that cycles that much is single.
Nobody should give up cycling once they are married( or golf, swimming or whatever) but there has to be agreed times and respect of each others time and responsibilities.
Your Dh is either up to no good or taking the piss( or both)

It's weird that he doesn't do Zwift, rollers or turbotraining instead of 30 hours/week in the dark roads.

I have a brother who is a keen cyclist. Though he has cut down from his competing days. These competing days were when his kids were under 16.

In BST be would get up and train at the crack of dawn. So he would be back around 9-10am. He would train for an hour after work.

He's been married 34 years.

If you are childless and either single or with a partner into cycling the training isn't excessive.

Fellow widow here. And I salute you and your thoughts on this.

I think he wants the marriage to end (possibly someone on side already)
but doesn’t want to make the final decision himself 🤷‍♀️

👆👍

He must have a very sore arse. He sounds insufferable!

Sounds an arsehole. Coming from someone who cycles:

Monday to Saturday around 1.5 hours 4 times a week and
Sunday 9am to 12

But I’d drop any training session for my wife/daughter.

Also my wife’s hobby takes more time than mine haha

On a side note, is he training for something? Ironman training is known for destroying relationships.

How certain are you that he's actually "just cycling" while he's out?

He has tapped out of family life and marriage. You don't do those hours with a family to be with.