This is too much cycling, right?

[Bananagirl23]

Husband goes on his bike the following:

Sat 9.30am-4pm
Sun 4pm - 9pm
Mon - Thu (after work) 6-8.30pm
Friday 6-7pm

its ridiculous, right? We have 1 DC age 11. It’s reached a point now where I don’t think I can carry on with the marriage

Very rarely. Only on holiday to see his family 400 miles away. And of course he plays the role of the doting dad perfectly then

And everything is your fault but it’s not. Please take care of yourself and not put up with his nonsense anymore.

I think you're doing the right thing, it's not an easy decision to make but things will be so much better without him destroying your self esteem.

I’m really sorry - it must be devastating. I hope you will be ok financially on your own. But like is too short to spend it with someone that has no respect for you.

That says it all.. that's the end my love.

Oh you poor thing. What a horrible man.

You are better off without him.

You sound nice.

Have a good cry tonight and then get your mad up, he's the one that has caused this. Start gathering paperwork, insurance, bank statements, passports etc. I hope you have real life support too.

If you don’t have children yet it’s really the time to leave this relationship. It also sounds like he might like men and being with men and cycling with men. Don’t be his coverup. Go and leave him and have a great life.

She has one dc 11

Sorry, I reread and see you have children. That definitely makes things harder. Sorry

See I’ve often wondered about the men thing - he had some very close male friendships at uni and often noticed ‘handsome men’. Christ I’m 45 I don’t know how to start again

Gaslighting

I do work but on minimum wage - he’s a very high earner though. We’ve got this beautiful house but it feels like a gilded cage

Sounds like you’ve both checked out.

have you tried marriage counselling?

No way would he agree to counselling. I’m all for it - I had counselling after suffering PND - he was terrible to me during that time too - sorry to drip feed

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know much about sports but possibly he is addicted to cycling and hopefully this will be a wake up call.

My bio father was the same but fishing not cycling. I don't remember him but I have old letter my mother wrote that are full of the same frustration and pain I read in your post. She found out he quit going to work and was "fishing I guess" in a letter she wrote. She left him.

This is awfully difficult but you seem young enough to go and find someone who wants to spend time with you

The example the OP gave is not gaslighting.

Unless he's an Olympic athlete in training and you sign up for that gig then he's a twat and you should get rid.

Get together as much financial information as you can. Wages, savings, pensions, mortgage etc and go see a divorce lawyer.

He sounds utterly insufferable and selfish.

That was in response to @Justalittlenaughty

I’m sorry this happening to you. My husband left me after 37 of marriage bc he fell I love with a girl who doesn’t feel the same way about him. He tried to blame it on me but she told he tried to get with her a couple of times and thought she’d fall into his arms when he left me. Now everyone just thinks he’s a jerk. He made a huge fool out of himself. I wish I had gotten out earlier. You’re still young and I’m sure your child sees what’s going on. Mine did. I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s hard but it gets better with time.

In my opinion, ANY cycling after age 16 is way too much. Can’t he afford a car? 😀

Serious answer: He’s a dick.

How can he be always in at your DD - he's never home to see her.

but seriously, that's ridiculous. You need to have a proper conversation with him and he needs to decide if he wants to be a husband and a father or not. Because he's not being either at the moment.

15 hours a week on a hobby, that’s out of the house, is taking the piss. Let alone the rest of it.