To be irritated by colleagues weekly query about when I'm leaving work?

[BaMamma]

My colleague has a private meeting at 5pm and every week for the last few weeks she asks me at around 4:30 whether I'll still be in the office at 5pm and every week I say sorry, but my bus is at quarter past, and I don't want to wait in the cold, so I'll be here for a little while after 5.

It didn't bother me the first week, but it's really getting on my nerves now.

Didn't help that she took a personal call at 4:40 which mostly consisted of her saying 'I can't talk now' while walking in and out of the office.

Coworker, according to the OP, was receiving calls on a mobile. So, why can't coworker go to another room? Its not a fixed landline! Coworker can walk into another room surely.

Is leaving 10 mins earlier once a week (or even just doing it occasionally) really that big a deal if it means so much to her?

Giving the colleague the benefit of the doubt, I'm think if she could go to another room she would.
I'd also think if she could have the meeting in the privacy of her own home she would.
Or at a better time.

I think Op could ask her, is everything OK, does she need privacy?
Any of us could need help and a bit of privacy at work

Why do you say sorry to her

I would say I will be leaving at the same as I usually do on a Friday no need to ask each week - if it changes - I will let you know. Perhaps you can see about finding somewhere else to sit for your meeting if you are anxious.

Then I would write a note on a sticky and pop it on her computer BaMamma will be leaving work at 5pm on a Friday for the forseeable future or write it on bit of cardboard and hold it up for her if she asks again.

Let's be honest, the entitled little Madam is free to find any private space she likes, her car, renting a meeting room, book an entire serviced office if she wants. What she can't do is get rid of other employees to have sole use of the office, the cheek 😂

It is when it's cold and wet.

The colleague needs to reschedule the call for quarter past or find a private space, not expect their workmate to leave work early.

@BreezyScroller
@category12
Neither of you have any idea what is going on in this person's life.

Going by the relationships threads on here DA and various versons of control are incredibly wide spread.
They could be trying to get themselves out of an abusive situation. Maybe trying to seperate the wood from the trees.

We don't know what other constraints they are working with, councillor only available at set times, they maybe don't have a car either. The money or freedom to rent somewhere for an hour.

Remember one of the most dangerous times for someone facing DA is when they start to assert themselves and get ready to leave.

I think a hand of empathy wouldn't go amiss. Maybe Op should ask if everything is OK.

It might be cos she's calling her affair partner or dealer just as much 😂

It's not reasonable to expect a colleague to change her hours and vacate the office without explanation 'though. And you can't guarantee even if OP does go out that someone else won't come back in.

I think the colleague could ask, if it's something vital - doesn't have to explain the nitty gritty of why. I think it's the hinting that irritates.

Good question, no it isn't!

Exsqueeze me? Like a bad smell? I work here and our hours are flexible, my bus isn't until 20 past and I'm not going to hang about in corridors or outside so she can have her mystery call every week!!

As it's clearly a personal meeting (it's not in her work calendar or the office calendar) it's up to her to find another room for her meeting!!

Well, it does actually, I've got work to do and don't want to waste time faffing about in the staff kitchen.

I'd feel differently if she'd approach me about it directly instead of this drip of asking every week and getting the same response.

Just being polite.

Easy - you just tell her, yes. And then stop talking!

That's quite the leap! I know she isn't escaping a bad situation at home, she's divorced/separated already and has a young child that she co-parents with his dad and she's in a new relationship with another colleague.

Wild that you could go all the way there on the basis of "she keeps asking me what time I'm leaving on a Monday?"

it's a workplace not a charity!

What about the OP, not entitled to empathy? It's a work place! Who cares about the constraint, they are the same for everyone, no right to get rid of other employees when it's convenient.

Again, the nerve of some people 😂

I think it's different if these are counselling sessions that work has arranged and/or given permission for this colleague to use their facilities for. That is quite a common thing to happen (I know from having worked in this field).
If the meetings are for something else, then she shouldn't be expecting to use a work room for them, but it's hard to imagine what else they would be; sessions that happen at the same time each week and are so private that she doesn't want to tell her room mate what they are or let her overhear even the beginning of the conversaion. It doesn't sound like a catch up with a friend or family member.

@CurlewKate this response is really unfair. If the colleague has particular needs then it’s on the colleague to organise.

It’s not for the OP to facilitate. ESPECIALLY when the colleague hasnt even explained anything about what is going on.

Why is the OP now responsible for creating this private space for someone else?

The OP is entitled to leave whenever she wants because guess what, this is a work environment and OP works there too.

It’s so patronising and myopic to say that the OP is “opposed to putting herself out”.

You don’t even know OP’s position.
This is just an example but what if the OP has to / wants to go home at a certain time for her own personal needs?

If you need a private space at work then you are the person who needs to ask for it or find it. If you don't know how to do it or cant find one you speak to your manager and / or HR, as the person who needs the private space.

You dont badger other colleagues (who are also completely entitled to leave the office space at a time that works for them) on a weekly basis.

To say someone is “not putting themselves out” in this scenario is madness.

And yes, I too have has counselling at work. It was my responsibility to organise my appointments. If there was not a private room on my floor, I moved floors sometimes to find an appropriate place to take the call.

I would love to know where previous posters work that it's ok to abandon ship at work before your actual finishing time to appease a co-worker and their non-work related issue (just in case they're having the crisis you've imagined up for them in your own head).

It's not "unkind" to work your paid hours and need a normal amount of time after you finish to get ready to go home. How ridiculous.

Can you imagine sitting in a meeting with the board trying to explain why you've been paid to spend the last 15mins every monday stood around making a cup of tea? Or are we suggesting OP should be losing 15mins of her lunch every Monday too to make sure the hours balance, and to make sure she's fully bent over backwards.

I would have thought that a company in a position to offer this service would have at least one private meeting room. It doesn’t add up that a company that can facilitate this kind of service for its staff operates from one small open plan office, meaning private conversations can only take place if literally everyone else leaves at 5 on the dot.

But surely it’s not a mystery call any more OP, you must have been there when she’s taking the call by now. What is it about?

We don’t know the full background. could be that the colleague was not thinking straight when she arranged the time, or just hoped that OP would leave bang on time if hinted at. It sounds like just the two of them in the room.
Of course I’m only guessing but from having done that kind of work it sounds very familiar!

I suppose because there are social niceties/office protocol , which means adults don’t communicate in such a blunt way.
Obviously this leads to dilemmas but it’s about phrasing things so that no one gets offended

@HelpMeUnpickThis "
"Why is the OP now responsible for creating this private space for someone else?"

She isn't responsible-of course she's not. But if it is literally leaving the room 5 minutes early once a week, then I stick to my statement that she is refusing to do something incredibly minor for someone else.

And as far as I can see there is no suggestion anywhere that it will mean having to make up the time anywhere else. Otherwise all she would have to say is that she clocks out at 5 and can't leave before then.