To be irritated by colleagues weekly query about when I'm leaving work?

[BaMamma]

My colleague has a private meeting at 5pm and every week for the last few weeks she asks me at around 4:30 whether I'll still be in the office at 5pm and every week I say sorry, but my bus is at quarter past, and I don't want to wait in the cold, so I'll be here for a little while after 5.

It didn't bother me the first week, but it's really getting on my nerves now.

Didn't help that she took a personal call at 4:40 which mostly consisted of her saying 'I can't talk now' while walking in and out of the office.

So what is the meeting about then? It would be helpful to know.

So OP should wait for her bus in Baltic temperatures to facilitate whatever it is the colleague is doing? (and there is absolutely nothing to suggest it's therapy or counselling). No, the woman isn't being kind haranguing the OP and trying to get her to leave for her bus early every week - it works both ways.

Well either its not work relayed and she can’t push like that.
Or it’s work related and has to be ‘private’ in which case she should access to a room where she can have a private meeting.

im confused atbte idea that this is a REALLY IMPORTANT meeting where no one should be involved but somehow it’s also supposed to happen in an open plan office/office. It doesn’t add up,

But YY she is dropping hints hoping you’ll leave sooner.
Id be more to the point and say ‘Yes, leaving at 5.10pm’.
She can move her private meeting by 15mins if it’s that important.

In that case, you ask the person if they could kindly give you privacy. And you explain why. Like ‘I’m having counselling through work that this is the only time I have. Boss can’t give me one of the meeting rooms either. Would you mind leaving the office for 5.00pm?’

If someone was to ‘put hints’ and try and make me feel bad for staying 10 mins at my desk, I’d be much more likely to feel forced and pushed. Which I would much less likely to make an effort. Just like the OP.

@Saggyknickers "So OP should wait for her bus in Baltic temperatures to facilitate whatever it is the colleague is doing?"

As I said earlier, ". Be a nice person. Leave at 5 to 5. Go to the loo. Do your make up. Brush your hair. Refil your water bottle. Spend 5 minutes on Tic Toc. Walk slowly to the bus stop. It doesn't take anything away from you to accommodate someone else's needs."

My God this thread and so many of the replies have baffled me. It just requires a direct but diplomatic conversation, not passive aggressive hinting, subterfuge, or awkwardness.

Just approach your colleague at a quiet time during the working day, when you can't be overheard. Or email her. Say something like "Hi, I think this Monday evening thing is getting a bit awkward for us both. I don't like to leave the office bang on 5pm as it means I have to hang around in the cold and dark for 15 minutes at the bus stop. But obviously you have this regular confidential meeting and neither of us wants me to be able to overhear it. So is there anything we can do to sort it out in a way that works for both of us? How about if I stick on my headphones and listen to music? Or can you use (line manager's name)'s office/other private meeting space? Or maybe start around 5 past/ten past?"

That will open up the conversation at least. You've already said it's not work-related so you at least know it's personal. But I am assuming you don't know exactly what it is (I.e. it could be counselling as others have suggested, but it could also be a catch up gossip with family or friends). You could even throw in a line saying she doesn't need to tell you what it's about.

If you do know what it's about, and it is something like counselling, then I think it would be decent of you to make an effort to accommodate her, even if it's just going to a kitchen and having a cup of tea like someone else suggested. I don't think it would veer into the territory of you being a doormat or people pleaser. You can do people a favour without being either of those things. If it's definitely for something more trivial like gossiping with a relative in Australia then I think it'd be fair for you to be less flexible and stick to the headphones suggestion at most.

But either way, have a conversation with your colleague.

good grief, who's got time for all this nonsense 😂
Even the time wasted on MN wouldn't accommodate all that ridiculous handling of the colleague.

Ignore or book a work thing at 5pm on Monday, that's what I would do.

If people confuse a work place with a private lounge, they need to grow up and become more professional.

Tell her "yes I will be (until whatever time it is you're leaving) you know the answer, the answer will never change so I don't know why you ask me every week when the answer is the same".

It would take 5 mins. Probably less time than whingeing about it on Mumsnet and reading the replies.

This - surely you don't work in a one roomed hut. There must be somewhere you can wait a few minutes in the warm, once a week,to be kind to a colleague. You sound a bit selfish.

why is it up to the OP to do anything exactly?

Since when can an employee like the colleague reserve the whole office?

In her version of the story she's wondering why you can't take the hint.

I’d be wondering what’s so very private. Has she got a regular appointment to talk dirty to some old perve on the other end?

Surely nobody would do that?

There again I remember going through an office itemised phone bill...the two phones had seperate numbers...and bills!

The security man was using my phone at night to make some 0800 calls...remember them back in the day!

I’m not going to reply like that. But I am going to point out that you and everyone on this thread who is telling the OP to “be kind” because her colleague is having therapy is making a big assumption. None of you know that. So while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expecting someone to be kind to someone having therapy, I do think it’s unfair to assume the OP is being unkind when we haven’t got a clue if said therapy is actually happening.

Holding a private meeting of any kind at 5pm in an open office space on the assumption everyone will leave on the dot is not practical. OP may be “only” waiting for the bus, but what if she, or another colleague, needs to do overtime? Or agrees to work 10 - 6 one week instead of 9 - 5 because of an appointment or similar? Or what should be a 4.30 - 5 call drags on, meaning people are unexpectedly there later?

OP’s colleague needs to find another space. An open office and private calls don’t mix.

Is it like a personal call like therapy or something? Really she should be taking it on personal time but if you finish at 5 I don't see why you can't kill 10 mins making yourself a tea for the bus, use the loo, freshen up etc.

Why can’t OP’s colleague take her laptop into this other space and have the call there? It would solve the issue of her trying to do it in an open plan office.

And she would probably be told that giving hints isn’t helpful and to be clear on what and why she wants to be left alone.
The OP isn’t a mind reader.
And it’s still her office too…

@BaMamma is a paid employee. She’s paid to work there and is completing her work. Colleague is using company facilities to do a private call, and wants OP to go early.

What time are you due to finish work? If its 5 then I would just sit in staff room for few minutes till bus is due!

Why can't she use a meeting room, surely they'll be available at that time?

🙄

The people telling OP she's BU seem to be making assumptions about when she's expected to clock off, and the other space that's available. For example the post basically saying hang around in the bogs for 10 minutes. Might be ok if they have a proper toilet area with cubicles and other space that's also a decent distance from the colleague, not so much if it's just a small room with a toilet and a sink in it. If the office has a reception area with seats in it, that's a different kettle of fish to it being one small open plan setup.

No I do agree she needs to find somewhere private definitely as it’s really inconvenient to have to do it there.

I just think sometimes we get so pushed to the limit by people taking the piss and being CFs in different ways that we forget that sometimes we can just make someone’s life easier because it’s a nice thing to do. It doesn’t always mean it’s a slippery slope and our boundaries are going to be trampled forever because we let our guard down. If the colleague’s a knob in general that’s a different matter, but if you get on fine, why not? If it meant waiting in the cold for half an hour, fine, that would be stupid. But it’s not that long and it’s only once a week.

I agree