Parents evening MUST be face to face

[Twinkle786]

Hello everyone, i have 2 children in mainstream school years 3&4. School has gave out parents evening dates and i replied to both teachers requesting a telephone appointment because i am unable to attend a face to face appointment. My son’s teacher gave me a date and time for a phone call no problem. However my daughter’s teacher said quite abruptly - “no it has to face to face” I said “oh my sons teacher said its fine and will do it over the phone” and she said again very sternly “well Im doing as I'm told all appointments are face to face this year so no phone call” So i replied “well the appointment you have given me i will have to cancel then as i wont be able to attend” and she said “right well il be in touch to see when you can rearrange” End of conversation i left with my children.
I have 2 other children at home, one is a non verbal autistic 3 year old who has suspected adhd too (sleeps on average 5 hours in a 24hr period) Exhausting!! and a 11 year old who cannot and will not leave the house due to his disability. During school run pickup i have a friend that comes over to sit with them whilst i collect my other children as soon as im back she has to leave as she has work commitments, so already it is extremely rushed for me to get home asap.
I have explained this to my daughters teacher in a email which i replied to straight away when she emailed me with a different date and time again to see if i was available. I also stated that during school hours i would be able to attend as i can make arrangements during these hours for childcare. I have had no response. In the past i have attended all parents evenings as i was able to rely upon my mother and father to look after my children whilst i attended the appointments, but now both have sadly passed away so i dont have anybody else who can watch them after school hours. I don't understand why she is refusing to do a telephone appointment, this is really stressing me out and i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.
100% i know what my daughters teacher is going to say during parents evening as they say it every year- good as gold, model pupil always listens works hard never in trouble etc etc so its not as if there is any concerns with my daughter i have no doubt about that.. How am i meant to approach this little situation now any advice please.

And which bit of her job would you like her not to do, in order to find time to do this? Teachers have a working time agreement like everyone else, much as they often work over and above. A phone call in place of a face to face appointment is reasonable, extra written work is not.

Year 3 teacher here...your DDs teacher is being really weird about this! There really is no need for her to refuse a phone call (is she a new teacher maybe, and isn't sure if she'll get into trouble? I really can't think of any other reason 🤷‍♀️).

If I were you, I'd reply to her email and just say that you are sadly unable to attend face to face, as you have already stated, and if a phone call is not an alternative option, you will have to unfortunately cancel. Add that 'if there is anything urgent she needs to tell you, (there won't be by the sounds of it 😉) then she can pop a note in DDs book bag or email you about it'.

Don't sweat it...nobody will be talking about you in the staff room. She knows she's being unreasonable so won't bring this up herself! Besides...it's primary school, the teachers won't ever use the staff room...we don't have time!

Caring for a disabled person is a protected characteristic, I'd be asking for a phone call as a reasonable adjustment within the meaning of the Equalities Act.

Well previous posters have said no the teacher should absoutley not make the phone call because it would take up too much of her time. Apparently an email would take up less time.

I don't care if the teacher makes a phone call, sends an email, briefly talks to the parent at pickup time. Whatever works for both of them but I think she should make the effort.

To answer your question the bit of her job she will not be doing is the face to face meeting with this parent during parents evening.

@adviceneeded1990 during the five minute allocated appointment time?

Depends on the teacher/school I suppose - I’d absolutely make the phone call because in my school written communication has to be checked by senior leadership, edited if necessary then sent to office to be sent to parent so it is much more time consuming. A phone call can definitely be made in the 5 minute appointment time.

Yes absoutley a phone call would be the best option here then. Whatever works for the teacher.

Again In case you didn't see it I was replying to a post that brought up dentists. If you feel dentists shouldn't have been brought up take it up with that poster but if dentists are brought up as a profession that wouldn't do anything out of hours I think it is perfectly reasonable to say dentists can and do go beyond their hours. You clearly don't think this mother and child being treated like other families is important but some of us disagree with you.

Forgot to add I paid my normal fee for dental treatment like I would during normal surgery hours.

Every parent has probably missed one or two parents evenings. It really doesn't matter, particularly if there's no issues with your child.
If there are problems you shoukd already be in conversation with the teacher/school to address them. Nothing at parents evening should really come as a huge surprise.

I would ring thw school and ask to speak to the head teacher. They know your situation amd she is being unreasonable

When I’ve done a full teaching day plus three solid hours of parents’ evening meetings, then I still have to prep for the next day and….you know…eat and sleep! I don’t want to be making phone calls to parents who can’t make it on the designated evening. Just ask for a quick update via email.

Yep - this. On a Parents' Evening day I arrive at school by 8am as usual, teach all day, work through lunch (clubs/meetings), go home at 9pm, then crack on with my prep for my next day. That's around a 15 hour day. And I fork out £50 for a babysitter for the privilege of it. If you've never been a teacher doing a Parents' Evening, you have NO idea!

So just ignore the law that says this woman is entitled to parents evening just like every other parent.

I’d cancel them all. In 35 years maybe a handful of meetings achieved something that wouldn’t have been achieved without them. The6 are utterly pointless.

You are the one who doesn't seem capable of understanding. I did not bring dentists into this. Someone, can't be bothered to go back and get you a name but I'm sure you can find it well I hope you can, brought dentists into it as they'd never do it. Well the fact is I can demonstrate that at least one dentist would do it, happily. I think he went much further than just doing a five minute phone call instead of a five minute face to face. He wasn't working, he didn't need to come into his surgery and what is more there was no legal reason why he should.

I hope the OP takes this further and some teachers, not all as some on here clearly think this woman's request is perfectly normal, learn that they are not above the law.

That is one way of handling it. Parents could always be contacted if there is a problem and of course the parents can make contact if they are worried. I brought up 4, two of them are teachers, and I don't think I ever had a concern that I waited for parents evening to raise.

Let’s put the more simply for you because you really are struggling,

THE DENTIST WAS PAID FOR THEIR TIME IT IS IN THEIR INTEREST TO DO THE WORK!!!

Now you are trying to suggest the teacher is somehow breaking the law! Seriously 🤦‍♀️😂

Please don’t tag me again, you’re being absolutely ridiculous now and your lack of understanding is boring me.

But you are the one who got deleted. The dentist got paid exactly what he'd have got paid when the surgery opened after the holiday. The teacher was already expected to spend five minutes giving an update so not doing anything extra

Do you not understand disability discrimination? The mother is legally entitled to reasonable adjustments as she is a carer. So if she asked the teacher to call round on Christmas morning to update her that wouldn't be reasonable. Spending the five minutes already allocated for parents evening to call the mother is perfectly reasonable.

@TheignT you have been correct and perfectly reasonable in your comments.
And it sounds like you've got a great dentist 👍

Oh FFS!
@AnxiousRose is this @TheignT’s second account?

I despair if there are two unconnected posters on the same thread who actually think it would be acceptable for a parent to except a teacher to do a Christmas Day visit! 🤦‍♀️😂 I’ll ignore you both like everyone else expressing sane rational opinions on here seems to be doing 😂 Enjoy your evening

But nobody said it would be acceptable for a parent to expect a teacher to do a Christmas day visit.

@AnxiousRose
Did you not see this batshit comment by @TheignT

The mother is legally entitled to reasonable adjustments as she is a carer. So if she asked the teacher to call round on Christmas morning to update her that wouldn't be reasonable.

Yes, I can clearly see. She said it wouldn't be reasonable.