Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

She IS letting him get on with his life - she just expects respect from guests in her own home. As is her right.

I think that you are rude, let’s leave it there.

Fast forward a few years and she’ll be another chubby Nonna.

Based on that question?
really? 😂

Well done all round.
You for bringing it up just as you should have and her for apologising.

I did wonder about her own mum

Glad to hear she apologised. Hopefully her family won’t be as rude to your son as she was to you and she’s learnt a lesson in manners.

these are weasel words

I’m transfixed by a vision of the OP cracking and roaring ‘You’re just a chubby Nonna-in-waiting!’ at her houseguest.😀

If whatever you're 'sharing your opinions' on something that isn't the topic of the conversation or they weren't asked for, then you're being rude

That's not a sign of strength or confidence, it's a sign you're opinionated without care for your audience and that's not something to be praised

Although on the other hand, she does have good manners too!

It's the OP's son, who should know his mother isn't keen on overt PDAs in public who's the rude one

I definitely agree with the ‘brits are fat and ugly’ thing being rude, and again if I was a higher BMI I’d feel offended too. Confidence isn’t a problem, if anything it makes a good change for gen z kids, but having a rude opinion on everything is just rude and honestly tone deaf, not confident.

As for the PDA, I’d find it sweet, I remember being exactly like that when I was younger and I’d have no issue with seeing my child so in love with someone as long as they’re not dry hunling in front of younger siblings.

Again her revealing dress sense, as long as not in literal underwear around the house isn’t an issue and women can wear what they want. I get you’ve said it’s not your business, but even mentioning it’s uncalled for. I dislike a lot of peoples dress sense, but I hate people who judge others dress sense even more.

She’s certainly culturally insensitive. It’s not as if she’s actually wrong, though, from the perspective of health and diet! Tbh, she sounds like a spoilt, judgemental little rich girl, but not badly intentioned towards you, just a bit tone deaf.

🤷‍♀️ for the sake of a good relationship with my son and his partner, this is not a hill I would die on. I guess we all have different thresholds and priorities though.

This. She is being really rude.

And the PDA stuff is so juvenile. Definitely speak to your son about it. If he seems unhappy about that then I like the idea another poster had of you and DH kissing and giggling in front of him.

Late to this now it's been resolved but I honestly think it's a bit snowflakey to be offended to the point of starting an internet thread about any of this. Shock horror, an Italian is opinionated about "proper food". As someone who's followed that Italians Mad At Food account for years I have to say I just find it all very amusing,

Reminds me of one of my best friends, who's French and works in fashion, sidling up to me at a party we were at and mock-whispering "why do Englishwoman dress so BADLY". I found it funny because she was obviously doing a bit and not personally insulting me.

She was also correct on all the food and drink fronts. Not a lie told. But you'd have been pretty well within your rights to pull her up sharply on the body image stuff around your daughters.

It's nice that she's apologised (because yes, she didn't need to be so correct out loud) but this is really mountain out of a molehill territory.

And?

I can promise you that people will tell you straight, whether you like it or not. Just like they’ll correct your grammar.

Yes, it's cultural. Is she Eastern/Southern European?

It's called Diversity. Be thankful.

We've welcomed shocking mistreatment and abuse of women because they are part of other cultures here in the UK (wtaf??), spitting and hacking, leery, weird and other atrocious behavior of unheard of proportion by men, girls freedoms limited because it's "their" culture and further madness so this is really nothing in comparison?

Majority population of big cities in the UK is quickly becoming primarily that of third or occassionaly second world not much hope of retaining a civilised society.

She sounds terrible but and if she hasn't integrated, she may never do.

Yes, that's good. When I was a kid, my cousin met an American girl who was incredibly rude and obnoxious. She constantly compared the UK to the US and would start almost every sentence with "well, in my country..." In the end, my father said, very politely, "hmm, you know, in my country it's considered rude to say 'in my country' all the time"

(Not that I dislike Americans btw. On the contrary. All my favourite lecturers at university were American, and my brother married a girl from Florida who is absolutely lovely)

They are 23. If they were 18, you would have a point.

Just read your update - well done for raising it all. It sounds like she dealt with it better than your son! I'm shocked at a 23yo thinking it's lovely for everyone else to be in the company of a slobbering couple.

Sorry you lost out on a longer stay from him but on balance I think it's a good thing they have buggered off.

Your friend is rude, and PLENTY of French people are both fat and very badly dressed. These stereotypes are all so 2010s, if not 20th Century.

Awe I’m glad to read your update OP. She could have taken advantage of the situation as she knows your DS isn’t happy with you, so could have said nothing to you and acted really hurt and victimised but shes taken everything you’ve said on board and tried her best to make amends plus given thoughtful gifts to everyone. I think she values family and doesn’t want to upset the relationship between you and your son, this is all really positive.

How has your DS responded? I would have a quiet chat with him. Is he still hurt?

He brought her home because he wanted your approval, do you now feel like you’ve warmed to her a little bit? If so, maybe use this an opportunity to say it? Personally I would say ‘I’m glad we got everything out in the open, that you’re really grateful for her response and she seems like a nice girl’

Leave it on a high note.

The son and gf don't eat OP's food and not everyone cooks your way

So? She's your sons girlfriend, not your girlfriend. She will drive him away in a couple of weeks anyway. Trust me, there is nothing men hate more than an overconfident and opinionated woman once the novelty wears off.

He's 23 - it's absolutely none of your business. (And Brits are fat compared to many other nationalities!)