Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

What that got to do with you saying she’s sassy confident and good looking? What’s your point? How’s that relevant to her being rude?

Thanks for the update, I think that sounds very positive. She was obviously unaware, but it was very necessary to point out how offensive she was. It was thoughtful of her to give you the gifts. I'm sure she'll take what you said on board. Well done 👍!

I'm happy about the update, but I don't think that the OP did anything wrong or that she needs to 'give grace and be less offended'. I think it was really good that the OP paid her the compliment of expecting her to be better. I find it odd that the people who are excusing the girl's rudeness by saying that 'Italians are just direct' are then saying that OP was wrong for telling her that she was coming off rude. Surely what's (jarred!😂) sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

I agree, I think OP did great. I'm not surprised that so many people on here are so snippy and so passive aggressive, as they think that the way to deal with rudeness and unpleasantness is to stew and bottle up bad feelings, rather than confront it head on. OP will probably like her son's GF far better now that she has made it clear that she won't tolerate rude nonsense from her.

Exactly. She can be direct, but the OP can't!
Also, I don't think the posters excusing her would excuse British people behaving in a similar way abroad!

Everyone's focussing on the "British people are fat" because that's the easy way to defend the girlfriend. Saying "British people are ugly and badly dressed" slightly less easy to defend. I think this says more about the people on this thread than the girlfriend.

Having said that I'd be disappointed if I pointed out to my ds about the pda "well I like it and we won't be stopping that" as if his and his girlfriend opinion is all that matters. A bit lacking in awareness of others in a 23 year old.

To be fair she is probably used to seeing beautiful people then! She's rude but it is true - even unattractive Italians and Portuguese are better looking than most Brits.

I’m glad things seem to have resolved but your son’s comment, even if in the heat of the moment, about you not liking any of his girlfriends should give you pause for thought.

I would really make an effort to bond with any of your dc’s partners (and maybe buy the Italian gf a copy of ‘watching the English’ for Christmas 😄)

Plus, there are loads and loads of fat Europeans. Britain may be the fat man of Europe, but the gap is closing. I, at a size UK 6-8, am no larger than any of my European friends and am often the slimmest person in any random train carriage in most European cities. The only time I have felt 'fat' abroad was in Paris, where a lot of people are indeed thin to the point of emaciation, but everywhere else I am as slim or slimmer than the average woman, and I am sure a lot of other Brits are the same.

What a fantastic result. You stood up for yourself and your girls. It was a total win win She apologised with Gifts - brilliant

Have you actually been to Italy?

Actually, I don't agree. I actually think that the son comes off quite badly in all of this, he is like a pouting child. The only way in which I find the OP to be (understandably) slightly unreasonable is that she seems to place more blame on the girlfriend for the PDA than she does on her son. He is as much to blame for that, if not more, as his parents are being made uncomfortable. He should have stopped at once.

Your husband is an idiot

And I bet it's down to her attractiveness and he doesn't want to be the bad guy

My point is that people choose to be offended at times to suit their agenda - confident people often provoke such reactions in others.

The OP should back off and let her son get on with his life.

These are wise words!

@Bluebrownies YANBU
Maybe suggest their departure time.
Tick-tick.

DS to spend a week with her family … I wonder if they will insult him regularly ?

Don't you understand the difference between confidence and rudeness?

@Bluebrownies im happy to see you’re still in speaking terms and that you’ve been able to say what you thiunk.

I do think that both YOU had the gf will have to learn about each others culture.
In France, people will tell others directly about the fact they’ve put in weight or need to loose some. Yep even co workers. And they are generally much more upfront than Brits.
Compared to France, the population is more overweight and it shows too.
Same with PDA.

If you want to learn to appreciate each other, it will help if you don’t automatically assume rudeness when it could be cultural. And she’ll need to learn to ease off a bit.

Im from France and have lived in the U.K. fur 25+ years. I’ve got plenty of experience of Brits thinking French people are rude agd French people thinking Brits are stuck up etc… due to these misunderstandings.

She better not have children with your son then, because they might turn out fat and ugly and unable to cook properly.
I think you should tell her and your son you find it rude the way she speaks.
My work colleague a scottish man said something similar about scottish women.I asked him if he thought his mum and daughter where fat and ugly, as well would he be happy if people were talking about them like this.He hadn't thought of that no.
It's actually very imature, looks do fade, not important in the long run.
Would like to see if she's put a few pounds on in 20/25years.

If she says you need more fruit. Put pineapple on a pizza and see what she has to say.

I don’t think said anything controversial. I think you’re being sensitive

It doesn't matter if it isn't controversial, you don't criticise your hosts diet / cooking especially if you aren't eating the food yourself (not that you should do it then either). It isn't sensitive to expect your guests to have manners.

They’ll be just as straight with him as she was at his parehts house.
Trust me on that one

I know plenty of fat French people. The gap is closing fast.

Exactly. Badly dressed ones, too.

You said you were looking forward to them going - now they are doing so. And not saying it was because of you. Yes their behaviour has been annoying but it seems she has done her best to make amends, and soon they'll be gone.
Could be worse.

Ah. Italian. I can relate but different situation.

I would pull her up on her rudeness. And do what @RubyHiker suggests.