Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

🙄 who cares what semantics are used. The food wasn’t for the guests

Well you’ve just proven my point there.

Being thin doesn’t make you a superior person.

You've done her a favour OP. Her parents were too lazy to teach her very basic social skills. Her looks might make her popular with men when young, but a crap personality won't make for lasting relationships or friendships throughout life.

@jellyfishperiwinkle the girlfriend isn’t eating the food the OP is cooking anyway, she’s just commenting on it?
that’s great for you that you loved your MIL’s cooking and that your DM made such an effort. Not everyone enjoys cooking or shows love through cooking, however. The girlfriend is staying for quite some time and it’s challenging cooking gourmet meals in front of her every day for three weeks just so she won’t make irritating comments. And why should the OP? She’s just living in her own home, it must be extremely annoying having someone follow you around continually making judgmental comments about everything you do while you’re just getting on with your day-to-day life.

Ah this is a lovely update. They’ve gone away and reflected and compromised.

I’d be tempted to get her a little gift in return as a memento 😊

She sounds annoying and very immature tbh. People like that feed off attention. Best bet is grey rocking her.

You’re not a teacher then!!

Personally, I like the sound of this young woman. She has opinions and she's not afraid to share them. Your son obviously likes a strong, confident, self-assured woman. Good for him. I'd be proud.

Christ almighty - making a joke that is CLEARLY a gentle dig at Senorita Judgypants - does not make me culturally ignorant.

It's a joke love. Lighten up.

Half of Italians are overweight.

It sounds like she had a think about it and is sorry.

I honestly think she had no idea how she was coming across. I think she was defensive at first but probably sat down and thought about it and realised how it must look from another person's point of view.

She was sharing all this info and opinions in general terms / thinking she was giving you good advice. She needs to seriously up her social skills. This has taught her something, I think.

I feel like people think the Dolmio adverts are a documentary 🤣

And what’s that got to do with the OP?

ooh Yes I think I would resort to this too.

She’s a confident, sassy, good-looking Italian girl, every young man’s dream I’d imagine.

So this means she can be rude to the OP?

Exactly.

And adult children aren’t always right or just. Sometimes they’re petulant ungrateful dicks.

What I said wast that appearance do matter, and showing you are active and have self-pride DO make you a superior person.

Let's stop the nonsense about "appearance don't matter", maybe they don't... but only until you look for a job, you want to make friends, have a relationship, you interact with people, with teachers, with the public or colleagues, and you just have normal interactions with people in everyday's life.
Of course appearance matter.

You can translate it as "being thin" but that's not exactly what I said, is it.

Maybe there is a chance you will like her later on? She is not too bad at all -got the message and apologised.

But those jar of sauces are made in Italy, and are sold in all over Europe. I have liked in 3 european countries in addition to the UK, those sauces are used everywhere including in another Mediterranean country, Spain

Not every one has time to make pasta sauce from scratch. In today's world people like variety of cuisine. They cannot be making everything from scratch. I am Indian, I would never be critcal of people using jar curry paste in their Indian recipes. If you like it eat it, if not keep your thoughts about your superior food to yourself.

Calling peoole from your host country ugly is not acceptable, no matter how beautiful people are in your country.
Those supporting gf, if you are in the US, and your host ask you how do you like the country, or people would you go for hard hitting analysis of country and its people or would you focus on good bits. Looks like she has got everything but manners.

Well alls well that ends well. She's come good. I would leave it now snd be very nice.

if you start shouting random nonsense in the street, you would be weird. The same if you start ranting when you met someone litterally 3 seconds ago.

If you are having a conversation with a normal adult, why would it be rude?

I speak from personal experience of this.

In my case, my mother looked for fault and chose to be offended, rather than embracing difference and change (no girl was good enough for her son…..).

And guess what?

That French girl became the apple of my mum’s eye and was the one person who really stood up when mum was dying.

So turns she’s not the rude and entitled young woman she’s been made out to be on this thread. Bet it’s the last OP sees of her for a very long time though.

I think she was rude and then did well to apologise with gifts but obviously she wants you to like her. She sounds a bit dim witted, and socially unaware. I don’t think the weight comments were directed at you - in her young eyes you’ve entered your Nonna/Nanna era (you have an adult son) and get an exemption. Even so it was rude and inappropriate especially when you had daughters.

I think you should have chatted to your son alone and would do better to keep the lines of communication open. You don’t have to explicitly tell him why you don’t like her. In his eyes he’s probably very proud to bring her home.

If it’s any consolation, he’s about to spend a week with her family and this is all moving very fast. I would say it will all fizzle fairly quickly by the sounds of it. Its only a matter of time before he’s on the receiving end of her bluntness and high standards.

It’s entirely subjective Surely