Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

She's absolutely entitled to share an opinion on something that's a poor rip-off of her national dish!

I've voted uabu, since imo you are focusing too much on the girl in what is up till now a short relationship. She may be only one girl out of a long line of many who turn up at your door. Focus your thoughts on your son and how you want to maintain your relationship with him so that he feels welcome in your home, and if that means putting up with his current companion, who you don't particularly like them so be it. Not to say that you should put up with percieved rudeness, but as has been posted earlier the way to have dealt with that was to give a quick retort, give as good as you get but treat it like a game. Try laughing when she comes out with whatever little pearl of wisdom she bestows on you. Let her know your opinion. Yes us Brits are getting fatter, and yes we should eat more fruit and veg. But has she bothered to look out of the window, its cold.and miserable for most of the year, so we eat for comfort and because processed foods are cheap, and if she stays in the uk long enough she will likely change her eating habits too. As for the effect she has on your daughters she is likely to have no more effect than that already promoted on line, TV and their peer group.

When son and girl friend are getting all lovey dovey, tell them to leave it out and get a room. I had to put up with this not so long ago, it's a stage in their relationship and it will pass.

If you went to France and they served frozen Yorkshire puddings, would you be rude about it to the host?

Yep, the OP was lapping up all the positive reinforcement comments and now she’s had a completely over the top conversation with them both.
OP - I’ve been going against the popular opinion on this thread and I’m sure you won’t welcome my comment here either.
Your sons comment “do you want us to just go, you obviously don't like her and you never like anyone I bring home" is telling.
You risk being one of those awful, critical
MIL who get slatted on MN.

obviously not, because we're British. We don't say anything. We would be miffed and take it as a personal fat-shaming attack 😂

But we’re ENTITLED to, gosh darn it!

and thats why brits are so miserable because they wouldn't and then they'd get served it 7 days in a row with your host thinking it was good.

rather than just say "Garance, these are frozen let me show you we do it back home tomorrow." they wouldn't give a shit.

British put up and shut up attitude is why so many threads on here have people asking, "have you tried speaking to him???"

No, because I suspect the vast majority of people in the UK eat frozen Yorkshires too!

But if they served a full English breakfast with sweetcorn instead of beans then yes I'd comment on it.

Honestly, the defensiveness over an Italian pointing out that a jar of bolognese is over-processed junk is hilarious. The UK diet is shit, almost half the adult population is either overweight or obese and a quarter of our children are going the same way. This is nothing to be proud of.

GF wasn't being rude, she was being factual.

I'd not have sat them both down like that. It made too much of a big deal of it all.

But what's done is done. Let them move on to Edinburgh and skiing.

You think Italians don’t buy pre-made pasta sauces?

It doesn’t really matter what you think, does it?

Your son is spending time travelling with a confident, sassy American girl who is probably dynamite in bed (or anywhere)), so he’s having the time of his life.

Let your son live his life, keep your thoughts to yourself, however hard you find that.

Eh? She's Italian.
And it is OPs business if they stay with her.
Did you even read the post?

OP's reaction is very British "Oh this person is being rude. I don't like it. I'm going to tell her to stop". I think I'd actually want a discussion with her. If some young foreign beauty came here and her first impressions were "Why are people here so fat and ugly?" I'd want to educate her. I'd explain that for 6 months of the year (or more!) our weather is rather grey and cold and therefore we're drawn to more stodgy, comforting foods. I'd explain that there's a great number of people living in poverty who buy processed foods because they're easy and cheap. I'd say that a lot of people, especially those living in deprivation, lack knowledge about cookery and nutrition. I'd say that many people don't get enough exercise as they sit at their desks all day then come home and sit on the sofa because it's cold and dark outside.
It's actually an interesting discussion to have with someone from another country who's noticed these differences. Better to explain why than just have a very British knee jerk reaction "Oh how rude!! Where are her manners?".

Yup.

Way to go MIL to be 🤣

Couldn't you keep schtum for 3 weeks? 🙄

This is another example of how crazily toxic MN can be- the only reason a husband can possibly disagree with his wifes POV is so he cant get a blowjob of his sons gf!!

Its absoloutely disgusting thing to say about the poor DH and also takes any responsibility away from OP who I think could really do with some self reflection in this instance

They may well do, but GF clearly doesn't and that's the crux of it.

This, I've had some pretty bad food in Hungary, Croatia and Sweden.

I've lived in southern italy for five years now, and haven't had a cappaccino as good as the local independant cafe in Huddersfield i used to frequent. It's just throthy milk, full of bubbles. I dont think much to italian food either. The UK has a much wider range of food from around the world. I would have to travel for an hour to find an indian takeaway, for example. Italian food is often very heavy with salt, and highly processed meats are very common. Lots of cows live in sheds and aren't grass fed. Battery poulty farming is widespread. Italian stereotypes are nonsense, the reality is very different.

The girlfriend was just a rude person. I'd never voice my negative opinions of Italy to a guest, or an Italian.

No one served her incorrect pasta. She passed comment on something other people were preparing for themselves. I couldn’t care less how other people eat traditional English food. I just hope they enjoy it.

Also, how is the GF allowed to speak her mind but OP is not? Either they both need to be mindful of each other’s feelings or they need to accept that you can say whatever you want so long as it is the truth.

Sit on your husbands lap and feed him like a baby in public... I'm sure your son and his girlfriend would find that cute.

Dont be so bloody ridiculous, how dare you talk sense! Lol

But seriously why are people so defensive about something that is so true, we are an unhealthy nation and we hide behind being polite, maybe if we confronted things a bit more instead fannying around important topics there wouldnt be so many issues.

I dont think much to italian food either. The UK has a much wider range of food from around the world. I would have to travel for an hour to find an indian takeaway, for example.

😂

well, all you prove -apart from being addicted to take-away- is that British food is so shit we DO rely heavily on everyone else to provide decent restaurants.

I suppose you find a few places offering "afternoon tea" around the world, where people puzzle a bit over cucumber sandwiches, but UK restaurants? Not so much.

We are not famous for our cooking. Or for many things actually.

On contrast the quality of British grown meat, dairy and produce is very high. It's just that we aren't in general very good at cooking it.

Completely agree with this. Brits get a lot of criticism when it comes to our food but as you say, it’s not all unhealthy and we make excellent cheeses, breads, baked goods (scones, pasties, pies), puddings, stews and soups (Cullen skink is yummy!) plenty of fresh and delicious native fruits and vegetables.

I agree many Brits are shockingly overweight but you can’t tell me that every Italian is on the healthy Mediterranean diet… plenty of fat Italians!!

Not fully, no - I got bored!

It’s only a short stay, nothing permanent, so why rock the boat?

She’s a confident, sassy, good-looking Italian girl, every young man’s dream I’d imagine.

Good luck to the boy!