Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

Well done for standing up for yourself, she sounds extremely rude and deeply unpleasant.
Your husband should be ashamed of himself- she's not going to shag him, no matter how much he defends her!

OP'a husband is going to be really annoyed at OP confronting them. That's for sure.

This exactly!

She needs to hear the English phrase 'Takes one to know one' every time she makes a rude, personal criticism.

Tbf OP it does seem like you havent liked anyone hes dated and the girls have all been the problem but could it be that your son is actually the problem here? He sounds like he likes girls who look and behave a certain way (which he has every right to) but let's face it at 23yr old his brain is not the one doing the thinking here. I dont think confronting them was the best thing, maybe could've had a word with him Separately and asked him to down the PDAs but bringing up everything shes done wrong in one go is a lot and probably seems like an attack. Or even just stuck it out for a few weeks. This woman could potentially be his wife one day and you've already started out on a bad footing.

She sounds very OTT for our British ears but shes not wrong maybe just not addressing things the 'British' way (which is usually to be polite and agree.)

We have a massive problem with normalising unhealthy eating and obesity in the uk. I've friends in Germany, spain and France and they would be more real/blunt about things. We pussyfoot around things in the uk and it's not always the best thing. That being said using the words ugly and fat rather than unattractive or overweight is not nice but again that could be a translation/ cultural thing.

I'm well aware that British people are considered unattractive and overweight and tbh you can see why when you visit other countries and people eat healthier, exercise regularly and live in warmer, more outdoorsy climates. It is what it is.

Also in other countries people would be a bit more obvious with their relationships, sorry but we are a bit prudish and overly polite in the uk. If they met when travelling her behaviour is probably totally normal to him it just not necessarily normal to 40/50/60year old women who possibly havent lived/travelled much.

I can genuinely see why she is so frustrating dont get me wrong but shes intelligent, beautiful and makes your son happy so maybe overlook her bad qualities which could really be put down to culture. She probably has no idea what shes done wrong.

Honestly I think the best approach is to let it all wash over you, the odd pointed comment "that's rude" or "take it upstairs" but a full on conversation of everything you don't like about her/their behaviour is just alienating. Particularly as you actually like a fair bit about her. Focus on the positive, ask her to cook? As an overweight 50 something myself, I can see how some of the comments seem personal, but she's just young and thoughtless.

My friend hosted a young Italian student on a university exchange when we were in our 30s...he was an extremely attractive early 20s young man. After 8 weeks in Ireland in the rain, his tan had faded, his skin wasn't the best and he was eating the same processed shit the rest of us were. I'm sure his mother was horrified when he came home. But I remember we concluded that sunshine, decent fruit and veg and a different approach to life helps.

I really wasn't impressed by my sons last girlfriend, but I was welcoming and friendly and he worked it out for himself that she wasn't for him.

Eastern Europe I take it? My dc befriended a few Ukrainians since the events a few years back and a few Russians(!!!!) from the Crimea who came to the UK, pretending to be Ukrainians, to take advantage of the situation. They bring them home a lot - I don't mind. You would never believe what we have heard in our own home 'British food is awful' - all this whilst eating what I have prepared. British education system is awful, the teaching is awful - all this whilst being accepted to law and med without the usual LSATs or whatever they are, and British women don't know how to dress/use make-up, etc. You are lucky you did not experience any racist remarks - our guests were offering their opinions on 'too many ......', 'far too many ......', etc. etc. I was upset my dc did not pull them up about it, they just smiled, so when one guest said something else about 'too many foreigners', but not in exactly the same words, I started saying 'what do you mean - too many Ukrainians?' But it did not work!!!! So I just gave up and now I say nothing to them, but I tell my dc that the new friends are rude, vulgar and clearly not properly brought up.

Why are you and other people calling the OP fat?? She’s never mentioned her weight. It’s just really fucking rude and weird actually

I used a jar of pasta sauce to make Bolognese, she commented that it wasn't very nice and full of preservatives and "not really bolognese".

I used to cook with the jars when I started learning how to cook. I hated the taste and I hated cooking spaghetti back then. Now I use passata ot chopped tomatoes with parmesan cheese etc etc. That's your first sin and I would struggle to eat it myself.

I made Jacket potatoes and she commented 3 times "no vegetables"

You could have added winter salad with dressing on top.

I had weetabix for breakfast and she said "no fruit, you should have some fruit"

She cares about you and your health.

Cola is unhealthy and coffee is actually good for you. I don't think you planned for this day, and you are worried she is looking down on you?

Yep, probably hoping the attractive 20 odd yo was gonna suck his dick if he disrespected his wife enough

I've read most of this thread, and the girlfriend is mostly right- most of us Brits are fat, and we think Indian, European and other cuisines are recreated simply by pouring sauce bottles over pasta or chips! She may or may not be a nice person, but she sounds honest.

I visit Italy regularly and there are no more or less fat/thin pretty/unattractive people there than in the U.K. in fact I’d say some of the unhealthiest people I know are Italian

And no way would any young people ever PDA in front of their parents in Italy. They’d be given a very short shrift

Or maybe he thinks his wife is just being a bit silly and OTT to make a big deal of something and alienate their son over a few true but blunt statements. Doubt its anything to do with dick sucking.

I swear I read this exact post about a week ago, but the son was 25 and the Italian girlfriend was cooking late at night, the kitchen under the OP bedroom. The end result was the son and GF storming out to a hotel room and the son messaging the mother he was coming back home as he and the gf had a row.

Have I got some type of deja-vu or are itaiian women invading the UK?

She cares about you and your health.

Does she fuck 🤣🤣

So he just happens to be sticking up for the ride attractive 20yo who’d said in front of his impressionable teen girls that British girls are fat and ugly, before calling his wife jealous over this girl’s looks

Sure. Sounds right

There are a lot of posts lately about parents being annoyed by partners who stay over or live in.
I avoid this by not allowing partners to stay over or live in. Thus avoiding rude comments, PDA and all the annoyance of other people's children whom I can't tell off.
I think more parents should try this and not be tiptoeing around in their own home.
I fucking well wouldnt put up with this. I hate British food and don't eat it, but would never dream of saying so, especially as a guest.

Exactly! Dont know why everyone is getting so wound up by these comments, think its likely she touched a nerve with a lot of people.

I'm not a crunchy mum, I use jar sauces too sometimes but I'm under no illusion that they are healthy or even taste great but I sure as hell wouldnt be pulling out a jar in front of an actual Italian, everyone knows what they're like about their pasta

She’s horrible. If she criticises your cooking again I’d suggest she does it then go and put your feet up.

Sounds like men are accepting this crap because they can’t see beyond her appearance.

Let them and use the time she’s there to have a nice rest!

WTF is a crunchy mum?!

Kill her with kindness is the only way I think. The more you complain the more your husband and son will plead her innocence so just let her dig her own grave, she clearly isnt well skilled in diplomacy so my hunch is she’ll go to far and dig her own grave at some point. I would however remind her if she stays with your son she may end up having a half British daughter so she should probably knock the stereotypes on the head early doors.

OP i think you're overly sensitive & perhaps have conveyed your criticism of this girlfriend from the get-go?

I think your comments about her clothing are revealing in more ways than one.

Your son has told you that you've always been critical of every girl he's brought home. Doesn't that bother you?

I think you've gone about this all wrong to be honest.

But I don't think you'll see that. Perhaps your dislike of her has been less hidden than you think & she's reacting to an less than welcoming environment?

Also, I never use jar sauces to make my own Indian food at home, but if I ever stay with someone I always offer to cook and I eat whatever I am given and praise it. Basic manners.

Anyway it's a right mess now & I doubt they'll hang around too much longer but you are damaging your relationship with your son.