Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

It's 3 weeks, put up with it. Or suggest they go visit Auntie x in Rye or whatever for the weekend. Or you go away for the weekend.

The one bit I think is anything other that a bit annoying is that you aren't getting any time alone with your son. Can you find a way to have a morning with him alone and a catch up?

Manners exist to make others feel more comfortable and at ease. She clearly was not brought up very well. Someone who wants to make others feel uncomfortable or insecure is not a very nice person.

Let’s hope it’s the confidence and naivety of youth in her delivery. She does have a point about the coffee - love an Italian coffee! It sounds like she’s experiencing a culture shock - lots of processed foods etc and perhaps she’s used to fresh cooking. She does sound rude about the fat and ugly comments but having described the lack of fresh ruffage and the coke, do you think she’s hit a nerve which rather shit delivery?

I’m afraid that I would agree with everything she said, although I wouldn’t say it to someone who was hosting me. I do think she sounds hard work though. Sorry OP.

I was thinking that. At least if they stay together OP, one day she may turn overnight into a little fat mama with a flowery overall and Flyflots and you can chuckle maniacally up your sleeve! 😳😂

'Horrified'? Blimey! what vegetables should one be serving with baked potato?

Lol! This is so true. I was probably insufferable at that age. Thought I had it all worked out

Cringe.

Can you just tell her next time she makes a rude comment that it is rude - something on the lines of 'I'm sure you don't mean to be rude, but it does sound very rude when you criticise British coffee every day. I know that you don't like it, but I do, so please don't criticise it every morning'.

Same with commenting on people who are overweight 'I'm sure you don't mean to be rude or sound judgmental, but it does sound very rude when you talk about the size of people you see every time you are out. I'm a bit overweight and you make me feel very judged every time you do it, so please stop, there are so many more things to talk about'

And say it every single time, in a pleasant tone.

And congrats on your patience so far - she sounds like a complete pain.

Just because it's true, doesn't mean you have to say it - that's manners. I'm a bit surprised at the Portuguese family - my Portuguese friends are the best hosts I've ever met, they'd do anything for guests.

And I lived in Italy for a bit - their diet was also atrocious, just differently atrocious - the standard adult breakfast for people in my office was coffee/pick at a pastry and a cigarette (more smokers than I've seen in years). The son of one of my colleagues would only eat pasta with plain tomato sauce (he was 6) and it didn't even occur to her to serve him something else - if they came round, he'd just wait and eat when he got home.

She was astounded when we all went out for sushi, and I had my kids try stuff to see what they wanted to eat - she seemed to think it was normal for the kids to just eat something plain (a kind of version of everything beige, but Italian)

The PDAs would upset me greatly. I would find that incredibly disrespectful. Is she staying in his room? I know I sound terribly old fashioned but I think that gives them the idea that anything goes, frankly. I would have to say to my son that I find a girl sitting on his lap and feeding him, the constant kissing, very poor taste in front of his mother. I can't imagine my son doing this and not saying anything to him. I think I'd just say to him 'stop fucking kissing, what's the matter with you - it's gross'. Can't you just be honest about that. Also, your husband is pretty out of order not understanding where you are coming from. At least it's cold at the moment - she sounds the sort of person who would wander around with a bikini on in hot weather...(the over confidence, the PDA's in front of you and his dad etc). Mention the PDA, then hope they break up soon...

I totally agree with this OP. Also, I’m guessing they haven’t been together long at all if they met travelling so they’re in the throes of young love / early romance.
You’ve also mentioned she’s polite, intelligent, etc - as such I’m tempted to agree with your husband and just keep the peace for the short time they’re with you. They could be short lived, or this girl could become your DIL and maybe you’ll all laugh about this first meeting in years to come (my MIL still gives me grief about me saying drinking tea is disgusting on our first meet!)

I think any stranger staying in your house for 3 weeks would wind you up, and likewise for her. She doesn't sound that bad to me. I quite like bluntness though.
I agree with your husband generally. You'll grow to like her over time.

We had a horrible overstaying houseguest … a man. In my opinion, he thought I was catering for him, when in fact, I was making meals for my family and he was just there. He was opposite - HE didn’t like celery, fruit/veg or rabbit food (salad). Etc
He wanted a roast and potatoes all the time.

There were 2 things I did that made me feel better.

1. when he complained during food prep, the he didn’t like celery: “I’m making my meals, my way. Happy for you to make your own meals - but after I serve my family. “
2. When he mouthed off about stuff mainly women … I would snap my fingers and this got attention. I’d say or “” tone it down” or “we keep it positive in our house”. (My kids loved the finger snaps followed by shade)

I felt like I was taking charge. And he got the messsge.

If she does cook … you can watch and tell her off for scratching your no stick, abusing your knives, and not cleaning her mess.

Have you been to Liverpool on a night out? You'll see some of the most beautiful girls in the world and nearly all will be fine weight wise.
I don't know were you are all from, but it's ridiculous to say people from the UK are ugly. I don't know who people are classing as British, we are mostly mongrals, especially in Liverpool or any major port. As for dressing badly, women from the UK don't see the need to dress up like dollies, or over sexualise themselves. I have a lot of friends from around the world and they like the casual vibe in the UK. A lot of my African friends like not having to wear wigs and be natural. It's ironic that in Nigeria a lot of women are judged if they have natural close cuts, but can work anywhere here and not be pulled up on it. There's issues with sexism across Italy and France, which means issues with DV.
As for Italians being one people, ask the Southern Italians why the North put egg in their pasta and they'll tell you it's because they can't cook. It's easy to cook vegan pasta recipes. I had an Italian Step Granddad, he was one of the beautifully mannered, gentle Italians, but he wasn't conventually attractive, was quite short and stocky. They come in all shapes and sizes, as you will see on the Italian gangster films.

I wonder what her mum.is like

She sounds challenging. However based on my experience. I think you were courting trouble using a jar of bolognese. I wouldn't be cooking anything Italian for an Italian.

It'll pass. My poor parents had to put up with some right dickheads when I was in my teens and early 20s x

Next time she says something out the box, look her in the eye and say "stop it".

Then leave the room. Next time you see her, be normal.

She's an adult. She is being superior, remind her who the elder is here.

So weird how many people are jumping to defend a nasty house guest.

Is this your first time on an internet forum?

A welcoming committee wouldn’t stand for rudeness and xenophobia

Just to add, I certainly thought I knew it all when i was that age. My phase of being insufferable lasted a good few years sadly, not least because i worked for a very long time abroad in 7 different countries so thought I was a bit of all that. (Spoiler- I wasn't).

I am obsessed with food though and one of my favourite downtimes is watching youtube videos- often about what people from all over the world eat. I have a couple of favourite youtubers who live in the US but when they go home to their families in Italy they will do vlogs showing what they ate for a week etc. It's glorious food, cooked gloriously, but mostly quite samey. Pasta in a tomato based sauce in various ways, but ultimately all the same. Courgettes, aubergine, legumes etc seafood all feature and it all looks amazing, but there is actually not a great deal of true variety.Do you want your fried courgettes with pasta or with cheese and bread? I am not actually from the UK (Brought up in New Zealand, but with English and Eastern European background) and I think that one of the wonderful things about British / Anglo countries is how we have embraced the foods of other countries. We are not particularly parochial in that sense,I believe.

I expect the OP's guest is suffering from a bit of culture shock. As well as suffering from a case of the aged 20s. We all mostly get through it I think. But I do think a quiet word about not talking about how British people are all ugly would be a good start. That's very seriously rude.

Does your husband fancy her?!

She sounds desperately insecure, devaluing everyone your son is connected to, and marking her territory. I'd be disappointed if my son was dating someone this rude.