Older relatives not understanding WFH...

[TickingAlongNicely]

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example).

My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays.

Every school holiday from my parents...
What are you doing? (I'm working)
What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. )
Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING)
What do you do all day at home (WORK)
Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...).

I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

Thinking about it a bit more - my neighbour (then in her 70s and this was nearly 20 years ago) thought 'working from home' meant the rather dodgy piecemeal cash in hand jobs you could get - stringing the drawstrings on JD sports bags - sticking things in envelopes etc... or some sort of little craft hobby.

The idea of actual, serious, properly paying work, from home - that was alien to her.

I also think that the majority of the harm might not be the people bragging about being able to pick up the kids or go to golf..

It is the people with rubbish 'side hustles' who are absolutely doing fuck all with their pyramid scheme MLM thing bar a few posts a day on Facebook and harrassing people they haven't talked to since high school via messenger. These are the people who post all over the place that they 'WFH' and have soooooo much freedom, with a shot of a hot chocolate or fancy coffee in the background, taken at a cafe somewhere pretty.

But of course they do, they actually don't have a proper job either employed or self employed, and are just telling lies.

why not?

I agree
If they a really a friend, they will understand

I was setting up as a freelancer, and I had to end a meeting promptly to drive to a train to meet a friend. I needed five minutes to send a quick email whilst I was with the friend to clarify follow up actions I was going to take within the working day. I have lots of freelancer friends and I am fine with this.

Not so this friend - she whined about me not concentrating on her, and said that I worked too hard.

Thing is, I definitely don't work too hard, I just balance my time by making small adjustments. She's a very bossy person, and doesn't seem things other people's way. She's generally a good friend, but she has this single mindedness that friends come first on every way and expect others to do the same.. My other friends tend to feel that life is all in the balance, and indeed we mix business with pleasure a lot.

a friend who whines at you is not a friend

Does the whiner friend work?
Do they work for themselves?
I have encountered this 'now is our time, you must forget work' attitude a few times, but never with another freelancer, self-employed, nor company owner

Funnily enough she is self-employed! She is just a people-person to the most ridiculous extent it's hard to explain. Her partner actually had to reason with her as whenever she goes anywhere, she schedules multiple visits to people en route, and he was sick of 2h journeys taking all day because she'd literally schedule 4-5 stops to see friends.

She has moved a couple of times, and is always a member of 2-3 clubs in each location, and stays friends with everyone from those clubs so far as she can when she moves.

So to be fair to her, she very much commits to her friendships, and doesn't understand anyone not doing the same. For me it's more about ebb and flow, and spending quality time - I'd rather a proper catch up than a flash in the pan visit. But because I go with the flow, I prefer others to do the same.

I dunno.....you say "commits to her friendships" I'd say "needy"

Oh, I agree with you! But since I can't claim to be a perfect specimen of humanity, I have to allow her some flaws too.

This made me laugh ! In the middle of a massive work meeting for me today - remote online but I had to do an important presentation - my 84 year old neighbour wandered in to ask if I could build her a wardrobe at some point this week and move some furniture for her. Not a problem but right now I’m working. Thankfully husband was home today (he works a four day week) and fielded the questions and made her a coffee etc. he made the furniture arrangements. Older people just make me laugh.

Exactly the same! And no matter how many times I say I'm working, she still thinks I'm off and have all day to whatever she needs a hand with!

Yep ! Friends always asking "what are you doing for half term". . we don't have half term. It's university!

"When do you break up?"... The students finish on xx date but I just book annual leave like any other working person. I'm not a teacher. It's not school holidays.

Other friends always asking about meeting for a coffee but somehow do not mean weekends but I am at work all week 🤷🏻

As an older person (68) can I tell my experience. Working from home was never thought of as having set hours or tasks and was assumed to be a cushy number. Then came COVID and the rules were redrawn completely and maybe my generation don’t fully understand and it has to be explained.
If you are working at home, you want to keep your job and manage your hours to suit yourself just as you would do if you were in the office, taking best advantage of your breaks.
My son and DIL both work from home and live close by. After a couple of mistakes on my part of assuming they would have time to see me, we now have “rules of engagement” and respect each other’s time and commitments. It was difficult but it needed to be pointed out and we talked about it and are better friends as a result.
For neighbours, I think I would put a business like sign on your door saying something like “I am not available at the moment. Working from home between 8am and 4pm”. Please call back later”.
For friends, they should understand but you could say your work have a new monitoring system and you really can’t risk any interruptions. Please help me out by respecting these new rules and if I can’t see you it’s not personal. If you could stand your ground for a few weeks, it should get the point across, I hope! Good luck 🤞

You are being totally unreasonable and making it sound as though your obviously caring parents have lost their marbles. A bit of empathy on your part and a little suggestion of something they could do for you would go along way. You should be glad they are both still able to do that.

I don't have this with older relatives because I don't have any older relatives, but:

This morning my husband came into my office 3 times, the last time to check I was OK. For context, he is retired, I still work 3 days a week. I am receiving treatment for cancer and I get tired quickly, so I do most of my productive work in the morning - as in I do stuff I need to concentrate on. When he comes in he wants to chat but that not only takes up my working time, it destroys my concentration and I lose track of what I'm doing.

My sister retired about 3 years ago. She doesn't live locally to me but we do try and catch up. I haven't been able to go and see her for a bit as I'm not well enough. As I said, I only work 3 days a week. Our conversations go - 'Can I come and see you next week?' Yes that would be lovely. I work on Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday but Monday or Friday would be great. 'How about Tuesday?' I work on Tuesday. 'Oh OK, Wednesday?' I work on Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. ' Just for lunch? You must be able to have a lunchbreak?' I get 30 minutes for lunch and when I have that depends on meetings, so that doesn't really work for me. 'Oh well, I don't know when I can fit it in then.'

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh!!!!!

I was in the middle of a call the other day-doing the talking and my other half was annoyed I didn't open the door to his daughter banging on it (he had the key and was with her) . he said I'm sure they could wait. 😆

In ministry I've always worked from home My mother thought I only worked Sundays until she came to stay for a week and hardly saw me because I was working except on my one day off

Excellent username 😁

I have a remote job too that is very stressful. My children understand that they can't disturb me (unless of ourselves it's an emergency) but I would give anything to have a mum call me and ask how I am. I have no family and my mum died when I was a teen. Before that she struggled to parent due to significant mental health problems. I feel in my adult life like there's always something missing and I think it's that sense of family.

Different scenario but for me relatives seem to find it difficult to understand working nights involves sleeping in the day despite my doing it for 20 plus years.
DM will ring while I’m asleep then when I return call she’ll act surprised that I was still in bed at midday. It leaves me exasperated and I’m sick of explaining that my sleep is as important as a day worker sleeping at night 🤬

Pillow over the face 😃

Mine seem to find it a new frontier to wfh they listen with interest when it’s mentioned.

I feel my dad would have taken to it because he had an office job. I think though my mum would have hated it because it would mean he would have been home all of the time.

There are many types of WFH in my experience, especially if you are an employee rather than self-employed. Take my neighbour, washing the car, walking the dog, runs to the shop, it is no wonder so many companies are reigning it all back in to get back to productivity!!

I'm the same as you OP, self employed and working from home. When there's a deadline, I can't stop. My MiL still goes on about the time she called from the airport and expected me to pick her up then and there because she knew I was home. I was like, why don't you call your son who is also working but in an office? Of course she wouldn't. DH was a bit like this too before Covid and he got a full taste of WFH meant work, not hanging about so I could assist someone!

Maybe your neighbour has very early or late work calls. Maybe they have periods of working 14 hrs days and so makes the most of quieter periods.
Unless your neighbour has said "I am being paid when I am not working ha ha ha, aren't I smart" you have no idea.