Page 7 | Older relatives not understanding WFH...

TickingAlongNicely · 2025-02-10T22:33:44+00:00

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example). My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays. Every school holiday from my parents... What are you doing? (I'm working) What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. ) Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING) What do you do all day at home (WORK) Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...). I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

MollyButton · 11/02/2025 11:55

RedSkyDelights · 11/02/2025 07:41

I can see both sides of this.

Firstly I work in an actual office, but my parents ring me on the landline (i.e. not a phone I have with me) at say, 11am and are constantly surprised that I am not in. Likewise, they don't understand why I can't come and see them for the whole of school holidays. So I think some people just don't understand the concept of working.

Secondly, there are plenty of people who wfh who do pop out to do the shopping, meet a friend for coffee, go out and play golf, pick up their children from school, run random errands for family members etc (everything in that list is something that I know of multiple wfh people doing). And MN is full of threads of people saying how flexible wfh is and you can do so much round your job. So it's no wonder that people assume that everyone with a wfh job is like that and is available when needed.

The difference is that my children do understand that whilst usually I can:
Give them lifts
Accompany them to doctors etc appointments during the day
Etc

Sometimes I have "meetings" which mean they either have to wait for me or get the bus. I also can't be interrupted during them. And sometimes I'm even working late.

If my teenagers can get this then surely other family members should to?

agoodfriendofthethree · 11/02/2025 12:13

I'm self employed and mostly wfh. I have run my business for 15 years and thought my parents understood that I work very hard and quite long, albeit often fairly flexible, hours. That is, until I overheard my mum telling some distant relatives at a wedding who asked what I do for a living that I "don't work" 🙄... which really stung.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 11/02/2025 12:37

polinkhausive · 11/02/2025 08:52

Yeah and same for me but I can understand why it is difficult to understand for older people

I think my parents are me nipping out sometimes for school events, I have a regular exercise class that I use my lunch break for once a week etc and think how can she not have time to pick up the phone?

And the answer is of course that I can plan my week around specific commitments but am not able to drop everything at any time but if you haven't worked like that, it's hard to understand

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To be fair, my husband is actually pretty bad at this too.

I'm very Type A about my WFH flex time management. I actually have a calendar for personal appointments and timers for breaks.

My husband gets all snitty if I say I can take 15m for this etc.

My work don't require this at all, but for me it helps me plan and manage my work.

Sunat45degrees · 11/02/2025 12:40

Twatalert · 10/02/2025 23:23

In my experience it is people who havent had an office job who don't understand WFH. Like the cleaner who doesn't get why she can't just try to change the day or time she attends every other week (I had to fire this particular cleaner after the wanted to start late because it was her adult sons birthday. He turned 26. Final straw). Or the builders doing work to the outside of my leasehold property but demanding to be let into my apartment to access the balcony without notice. Just because they saw im home.

People without office jobs just can't imagine what it's like.

So yes to this. CLeaners in particular - ours has a small team so somewhere between an agency and an individual cleaner - and she just doesn't get it. If she turns up 2 hours later, that completely messes everything up because I can't just go into another room in the middle of a call.

Ditto, we have quite a few tradesmen in and out because we've had some issues with subsidence. The insurance company will email and sy, "they're coming on wednesday between 8-15:00. And I'm just expected to be available, ready for them etc. Infuritating.

I actually find that other people are better about WFH post covid. Maybe because it's more normalised?

ExercicenformedeZ · 11/02/2025 12:41

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:56

Working from home isn't the same as proper work. So I'm with your relatives.

What are you even talking about? You do talk a fair amount of nonsense, don't you? I've noticed that on several threads now.

Sahara123 · 11/02/2025 12:46

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/02/2025 06:32

I am in my 50’s and have WFH since 2009.
8 of those I lived with my dad who I also became carer for.
My job was no set hours, and my dad would silently pop cups of tea into me and give me the thumbs up.
Sandwiches would appear by magic.
And when I needed a break I would go and sit in his lounge and we’d watch Friends together.
He was very proud of my work as I had been very ill and had to give up my previous career.
He understood and he was in his 80’s! He didn’t know one end of a laptop from another, but it’s not bloody rocket science.
For a long time I worked in social media (it was like the Wild West years I loved it!) and he did tell people I ‘worked on the Tweet with the celebrities’ which I loved as well.
I did get to go events now and again and took him as my plus one. Because I worked in celeb land, he memorised who they all were and he was such good fun. He especially loved the goodie bags and would share them with his beloved cleaner.
I digress. Anyone who doesn’t get it is using it as an excuse - they just want to dominate you and use your time.

This is so lovely 🥹

Sahara123 · 11/02/2025 12:48

agoodfriendofthethree · 11/02/2025 12:13

I'm self employed and mostly wfh. I have run my business for 15 years and thought my parents understood that I work very hard and quite long, albeit often fairly flexible, hours. That is, until I overheard my mum telling some distant relatives at a wedding who asked what I do for a living that I "don't work" 🙄... which really stung.

Wow. That must’ve hurt

StMarie4me · 11/02/2025 12:54

I'm 62 and wfh as much as I can. This is unwilling to understand, but unable.

Allthegoodhorses · 11/02/2025 12:55

I noticed this a while ago. I am guessing she is winding us all up because surely no one could be that lacking in social awareness, emotional intelligence and critical thinking. Surely??

imtheholidayarmadillo · 11/02/2025 12:56

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/02/2025 04:37

Don't you ever take time off work? I know it's harder to do when self employed but, ime, it's really important to give yourself those days off and the rest of the family will appreciate it too.

But surely you're advocating that OP should take time off work on their own terms, not to pander to someone who has randomly dropped by despite knowing OP's working?

Allthegoodhorses · 11/02/2025 12:57

ExercicenformedeZ · 11/02/2025 12:41

What are you even talking about? You do talk a fair amount of nonsense, don't you? I've noticed that on several threads now.

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I meant to quote..

I noticed this a while ago. I am guessing she is winding us all up because surely no one could be that lacking in social awareness, emotional intelligence and critical thinking. Surely??

imtheholidayarmadillo · 11/02/2025 12:59

MidnightPatrol · 11/02/2025 11:28

Yes it’s only proper work if you’re literally digging coal out of a rock face with your bare hands, waist deep in icy water.

Anything else is just laziness. What are law and finance anyway, just time wasting.

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No doubt @Viviennemary wouldn't class that as work either because it's outdoors. What is the skiving lump doing digging coal outside in the middle of the day when they should be in the office?

imtheholidayarmadillo · 11/02/2025 12:59

Allthegoodhorses · 11/02/2025 12:55

I noticed this a while ago. I am guessing she is winding us all up because surely no one could be that lacking in social awareness, emotional intelligence and critical thinking. Surely??

Unfortunately they do walk among us. It's scary.

Allthegoodhorses · 11/02/2025 13:03

imtheholidayarmadillo · 11/02/2025 12:59

Unfortunately they do walk among us. It's scary.

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I was just sitting here thinking about my lack of working whilst I am at home. I earn 100k a year for a large law firm. I am often working late into the evenings and bill a lot for them. Nice to know that this is not considered work! 😂Thankfully for me my employers don't agree and are very grateful for every bill I get out the door..

StMarie4me · 11/02/2025 13:03

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/02/2025 04:37

Don't you ever take time off work? I know it's harder to do when self employed but, ime, it's really important to give yourself those days off and the rest of the family will appreciate it too.

That's not what this thread is about at all?!

CuriousRunner · 11/02/2025 13:04

Hahahahah. My mum could arrive on a Friday afternoon (prearranged etc). "What have you been up to this morning?" "WORK MUM!! I've been WORKING!!l"

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 11/02/2025 13:07

Interesting that when posters have been living with their relatives that they do then understand the concept of working from home as they can see what it entails.

I wonder if other people's relatives have read all the stuff in the media either where people have been joking about WFH themselves but doing the housework and having a nap, or where managers and others are saying people need to get back to physical office as production has gone down, so from reading all this stuff they may believe the narrative that people aren't actually working.

Or perhaps it's just so much outside of their own worlds that they cannot grasp it. Thinking back to my own parents' complete lack of understanding of anything online, I can imagine they wouldn't have understood it at all and would have been amongst those expecting a cuppa and a chat .

ErrolTheDragon · 11/02/2025 13:09

CuriousRunner · 11/02/2025 13:04

Hahahahah. My mum could arrive on a Friday afternoon (prearranged etc). "What have you been up to this morning?" "WORK MUM!! I've been WORKING!!l"

Have you ever tried telling her, in detail, what you've been doing?
Mine would rarely be comprehensible but that'd kind of be the point.

GnomeDePlume · 11/02/2025 13:15

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 11/02/2025 09:42

It certainly doesn't help with all the high-profile business talking heads declaring that WFH = shirking.

It's a bit like with calling in sick: so many people lie and abuse it when they fancy a day off or want to do something fun instead, so many people don't seem able to grasp that lots of people DO also call in sick because they are genuinely very ill and absolutely not fit to work.

I always think that the people who denounce everybody for shirking when they're WFH or calling in sick when they aren't (obviously there are some) are probably basing it on what they would do - and tarring everybody else with their own lack of discipline and regard for the truth.

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This is very true. I had a manager who wouldn't let anyone wear headphones in work (doing very separate roles) because she couldn't concentrate if she was wearing headphones. Same with WFH, she would get distracted by domestic chores so assumed that applied to everyone else.

MidnightPatrol · 11/02/2025 13:20

agoodfriendofthethree · 11/02/2025 12:13

I'm self employed and mostly wfh. I have run my business for 15 years and thought my parents understood that I work very hard and quite long, albeit often fairly flexible, hours. That is, until I overheard my mum telling some distant relatives at a wedding who asked what I do for a living that I "don't work" 🙄... which really stung.

Bizarre!

I am the higher earner in my household by some margin, and I still get asked with some regularity by older family and friends if I work.

‘Are you a full time mum at the moment then, or are you working at all?’.

All the time. I assume it means they haven’t been listening at all in the past when they’ve been told about my career.

My DH thinks it’s hilarious, as they must be assuming it’s he who is exclusively funding our lifestyle.

godmum56 · 11/02/2025 13:27

MidnightPatrol · 11/02/2025 13:20

Bizarre!

I am the higher earner in my household by some margin, and I still get asked with some regularity by older family and friends if I work.

‘Are you a full time mum at the moment then, or are you working at all?’.

All the time. I assume it means they haven’t been listening at all in the past when they’ve been told about my career.

My DH thinks it’s hilarious, as they must be assuming it’s he who is exclusively funding our lifestyle.

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get cards printed with the answer and silently hand them out!

KingTutting · 11/02/2025 13:50

I don’t think it’s just WFH, I think it can be any job they don’t understand.
DH is a scientist but his family act like his job is a voluntary hobby he can just decide to not do because it’s not a ‘proper’ job like working on a building site. So they complain he can’t be there at the drop of a hat.
Mine was worse as I worked for the council, so that meant I could also ring in sick as much as I liked as that’s what council employees do.

Islandofmisadventure · 11/02/2025 13:54

I had to live with my parents when I was between houses. They soon realised that WFH means WFH! I didn’t have time to pop to the loo when I needed or eat the lunch they (kindly) made me, let alone stop for a chat. This perception that WFH means swanning around and not doing much really grated on me. It’s absolutely not the case for anyone I know who WFH. If only!

Onedaynotyet · 11/02/2025 13:57

Yes, but it's not just older people. Especially when the dcs were primary age, everyone from the kids grandparents, school, Brownies, everyone began so many conversations with variations of 'since you're home with the children anyway...' I worked FULL TIME paid my tax, NI, it was never understood or acknowledged. It was like I had a self indulgent hobby.

RedSkyDelights · 11/02/2025 14:01

MidnightPatrol · 11/02/2025 13:20

Bizarre!

I am the higher earner in my household by some margin, and I still get asked with some regularity by older family and friends if I work.

‘Are you a full time mum at the moment then, or are you working at all?’.

All the time. I assume it means they haven’t been listening at all in the past when they’ve been told about my career.

My DH thinks it’s hilarious, as they must be assuming it’s he who is exclusively funding our lifestyle.

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I get this as well. I think it's a throwback to the idea that women don't work or possibly have a "little job" for pocket money.

That also explains why it's expected that you are available constantly, as your job is basically just like a hobby.