Page 10 | Older relatives not understanding WFH...

TiredTeaBag · 12/02/2025 20:15

My mum used to be like this even when I worked in an office.

She would ring, ask me where I was, and when I'd say, "It's 3pm, I'm at work, and will be for another three hours...." she would respond with outrage.... "What! Do they want blood out of you? Ridiculous!".... weird because she has often worked long hours herself.

Now I work for myself from home and most people still don't get it.

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 12/02/2025 20:46

I have a friend who is like this. She’s had various part time jobs and is now a mature student, but for a long time she would send me texts asking if I was free to meet for coffee/ have lunch/ watch her dogs/ sit in her house and wait for furniture deliveries! During Covid my mum would complain I never phoned her which was terrible as I was furloughed. I was working from home with a small child: it was awful. I explained I wasn’t furloughed, but working from home. She was like “it’s the same thing”. Arrgghh. She gets it now. Even the evri delivery man gives a very short ring of the doorbell to alert me to his presence and then he pops the package in the safe place

asrl78 · 12/02/2025 20:46

Twatalert · 10/02/2025 23:23

In my experience it is people who havent had an office job who don't understand WFH. Like the cleaner who doesn't get why she can't just try to change the day or time she attends every other week (I had to fire this particular cleaner after the wanted to start late because it was her adult sons birthday. He turned 26. Final straw). Or the builders doing work to the outside of my leasehold property but demanding to be let into my apartment to access the balcony without notice. Just because they saw im home.

People without office jobs just can't imagine what it's like.

I think it is more that some older people have been retired for so long and don't have much to do in their life, they have forgotten what it means to have commitments and responsibilities. Some people can also be very inward looking and project their world onto everyone else; I have free time today therefore so does my son/daughter so I'll pop round for a coffee.

asrl78 · 12/02/2025 20:59

MurdoMunro · 11/02/2025 11:53

Oh behave, you’re embarrassing yourself

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I suspect people who think like that have the belief that because working from home means you are not under the watchful eye of the manager, you have the opportunity to take a few minutes off the job when you feel like it therefore everyone MUST be doing that. Probably a case of judging others by their own standards. Someone's opinion of me who has never met or interacted with me is irrelevant and can be ignored if I so choose.

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 12/02/2025 21:07

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 09:01

I don’t always but sometimes I have a “Omg what if so and so is dead” moment

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In fairness, if they are already dead, there’s not much you can do about it now, so you might as well finish your work

Boydylannumber1 · 12/02/2025 21:14

My DH says when i"m wfh, he says sure your off tomorrow no im wfh.

andthat · 12/02/2025 21:29

Dew131 · 12/02/2025 18:33

As an older person (68) can I tell my experience. Working from home was never thought of as having set hours or tasks and was assumed to be a cushy number. Then came COVID and the rules were redrawn completely and maybe my generation don’t fully understand and it has to be explained.
If you are working at home, you want to keep your job and manage your hours to suit yourself just as you would do if you were in the office, taking best advantage of your breaks.
My son and DIL both work from home and live close by. After a couple of mistakes on my part of assuming they would have time to see me, we now have “rules of engagement” and respect each other’s time and commitments. It was difficult but it needed to be pointed out and we talked about it and are better friends as a result.
For neighbours, I think I would put a business like sign on your door saying something like “I am not available at the moment. Working from home between 8am and 4pm”. Please call back later”.
For friends, they should understand but you could say your work have a new monitoring system and you really can’t risk any interruptions. Please help me out by respecting these new rules and if I can’t see you it’s not personal. If you could stand your ground for a few weeks, it should get the point across, I hope! Good luck 🤞

What a lovely post. I’m glad you, your son and DIL have found what works for you.

VictoriaEra2 · 12/02/2025 21:39

Exactly the same life. Completely identify.

madmeg1952 · 12/02/2025 21:42

I sympathise (to a point!) with both sides. I'm a pensioner in my 70s, mum to 2 adults DDs (one with teenagers herself) who both often work from home. I had a career myself that involved a lot of home working and tho my DM didn't ring me whenever she met me she would ask when I was getting a proper job!

I respect my DDs need to be "in the office" whether they are at home or not (and their need to work late - one DD communicates a lot with people on the other side of the world hence in the middle of the night!) but over the past few years I've felt a bit envious of other grans whose offspring are more available. Guess I'm a bit lonely at times. But I haven't got to the stage of ringing them unless I have to - usually I send a text if it's something more urgent and wait for them to get back to me.

I'm surprised your "older" parents don't remember being busy themselves at a similar stage in their lives.

Notcanceroops · 12/02/2025 21:46

My neighbour “ you’re basically a SAHM now” um. No. I am working.

MellersSmellers · 12/02/2025 22:12

Oh Yes. So relate to this.
At the other end of the spectrum, my 92 Yr old dad thinks everyone WFH is a slacker, particularly public sector employees. He of course has no concept of endless Teams messages, calls and meetings, plenty of assigned deliverables and tasks that can't be shirked, and the absence of a "leaving time".
And then he merrily tells me about his 3-4 hr boozy lunches in the Good 'Ol Days.

Rhaenys · 12/02/2025 23:00

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 12/02/2025 20:46

I have a friend who is like this. She’s had various part time jobs and is now a mature student, but for a long time she would send me texts asking if I was free to meet for coffee/ have lunch/ watch her dogs/ sit in her house and wait for furniture deliveries! During Covid my mum would complain I never phoned her which was terrible as I was furloughed. I was working from home with a small child: it was awful. I explained I wasn’t furloughed, but working from home. She was like “it’s the same thing”. Arrgghh. She gets it now. Even the evri delivery man gives a very short ring of the doorbell to alert me to his presence and then he pops the package in the safe place

Oh God you’ve just reminded me of the time my mum’s boyfriend, who didn’t live with her, arranged to have something delivered to her house so that I could go there and receive it for him. They didn’t tell me about it until the morning of delivery and just assumed I’d do it no bother. I was absolutely fuming and it caused a big row!

iloveeverykindofcat · 13/02/2025 05:21

@FormerlyPathologicallyHappy

I do love her very much,but we certainly couldn't live together. When I was a child, I assumed that once I grew up I'd understand what it was that adults needed to do for 20-30 minutes before leaving the house, after being purportedly ready to leave. I thought it was some sort of mysterious but necessary adult business which we kids just had to wait in the car/by the door for.

It's not! It's faffing! Its literally just faffing! When I'm ready to leave I just leave! 😂

MellowTiger · 13/02/2025 06:17

I don’t WFH but I have a chronic illness so I’m not always up for coffee & chat. My solution is a Ring doorbell which I ignore if I’m not feeling up to it and I just don’t answer calls/texts when I can’t engage in conversation.
As long as your WFH office isn’t next to your front door, I would say this would work in this situation. If someone says why didn’t you answer/text back just say you were working. They’ll soon catch on!

TorroFerney · 13/02/2025 07:26

Fromthestart · 12/02/2025 19:16

I have a remote job too that is very stressful. My children understand that they can't disturb me (unless of ourselves it's an emergency) but I would give anything to have a mum call me and ask how I am. I have no family and my mum died when I was a teen. Before that she struggled to parent due to significant mental health problems. I feel in my adult life like there's always something missing and I think it's that sense of family.

I have a mum and she would never ever call me , even less ask how I am. She will however use me as an unpaid pa and admin assistant and, until I trained her out of it would also expect me to drop everything if she’d got a letter she couldn’t be arsed to read . I’ll point her in your direction?!

Bugbabe1970 · 13/02/2025 09:09

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/02/2025 06:32

I am in my 50’s and have WFH since 2009.
8 of those I lived with my dad who I also became carer for.
My job was no set hours, and my dad would silently pop cups of tea into me and give me the thumbs up.
Sandwiches would appear by magic.
And when I needed a break I would go and sit in his lounge and we’d watch Friends together.
He was very proud of my work as I had been very ill and had to give up my previous career.
He understood and he was in his 80’s! He didn’t know one end of a laptop from another, but it’s not bloody rocket science.
For a long time I worked in social media (it was like the Wild West years I loved it!) and he did tell people I ‘worked on the Tweet with the celebrities’ which I loved as well.
I did get to go events now and again and took him as my plus one. Because I worked in celeb land, he memorised who they all were and he was such good fun. He especially loved the goodie bags and would share them with his beloved cleaner.
I digress. Anyone who doesn’t get it is using it as an excuse - they just want to dominate you and use your time.

How lovely 🥰

denhaag · 13/02/2025 09:13

TorroFerney · 13/02/2025 07:26

I have a mum and she would never ever call me , even less ask how I am. She will however use me as an unpaid pa and admin assistant and, until I trained her out of it would also expect me to drop everything if she’d got a letter she couldn’t be arsed to read . I’ll point her in your direction?!

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This is not a very kind response. I am sure Fromthestart is very aware that many people have difficult relationships with their Mothers. She is missing the sense of family that I think most of us are fortunate to have experienced.

Grammarnut · 13/02/2025 09:16

DD and DP work mainly from home. When I visit I see to myself and stay out of their way. If desperate I will go and ask something but it has to be desperate e.g. boiler is flooding all over the floor, dog has escaped out of front door.
I understand they are working. I will go into town on my own if DD says she will mind my dog along with hers (pre-arranged at breakfast before work starts and involves my dog sitting on day bed with hers in her office), but otherwise I stay put or take the dog for a walk. Just because you are at home does not mean you are free to talk - or even explain how the TV works.

BeShyPlumLeader · 13/02/2025 09:44

I remember when I first started working at home and my mum said 'right, shall we go for breakfast!?' Then looked very put out / roller her eyes when I said no, I'm working I can't just swan off for breakfast mum lol. She gets it now though

getahhtmapub · 13/02/2025 09:54

SteveBognor · 12/02/2025 19:35

There are many types of WFH in my experience, especially if you are an employee rather than self-employed. Take my neighbour, washing the car, walking the dog, runs to the shop, it is no wonder so many companies are reigning it all back in to get back to productivity!!

When I WFH I sit down at my laptop at 7am. I work until 9/10 when I take the dog for a walk for 40 minutes. I then work through to 12 assemble a quick lunch from fridge contents (5mins) and eat at my desk. I might put a wash on (5 mins). A friend might come over for a coffee for 15 minutes. I shut my laptop when DH lays the table for dinner about 7.30 pm.

But obviously that's far less productive then the two hours of getting ready, getting the dog to daycare and travelling to the office to arrive at 9am. The 45 minutes of leaving the office to get lunch and eating in the break room (food not permitted at desks) and the hour long journey home to arrive home at 7pm exhausted.

When I work from the office my employer therefore loses nearly 3-4 hours of time I would have otherwise been able to spend productively on work. Instead it's been spent travelling to do less work in a very specific location. Not to mention the extra pollution and the additional personal expense and mental load.

But yes. Lazy feckless WFHers.

Buzyizzy21 · 13/02/2025 11:17

TickingAlongNicely · 10/02/2025 22:33

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example).

My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays.

Every school holiday from my parents...
What are you doing? (I'm working)
What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. )
Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING)
What do you do all day at home (WORK)
Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...).

I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 you never took a personal call at work? Sorry, don’t believe you. What an awful ageist comment and making you out to be this such hard working person. 🤣🤣🤣

SteveBognor · 13/02/2025 12:25

That is exactly what she said, were you there too? ;-)

MadeInYorkshire69 · 13/02/2025 12:26

I gave up teaching ( in person 100%) to a hybrid office role. I think my parents minds were blown that I was even getting paid to be honest. It’s not proper work.

SteveBognor · 13/02/2025 12:32

I did say ' many types of' so it looks like you should not have taken it so personally yourself. Before early retiring last year I worked in offices for over 40 years, no employment gaps, I saw a lot of changes. The first computer into the office, the first day when we had a computer on every desk. A steady decline over that whole time was commitment, work ethic, and dedication I am sorry to report. To today when the average Gen Z-er walks in from Uni, oosing of entitlement, and does not put their mobile down long enough to get half as much done as the veterans. Great fun guys, know how to party, brighten the place up no end - but nobody that you would set up a business with!

lilkitten · 13/02/2025 12:43

Yep, I've been self-employed and WFH since 2008, DM would pop round for coffee or wanting to go shopping, not understanding that I'm working. Same when the kids were small, and she would have them for a day but not understand that when I'm working I'm not able to look after them that much. 6 months ago we moved into my FIL's old business premises when he retired, but everyone seems to have not noticed we're working there, and get family calls asking what we're doing when the shop is open most days. I think if I was employed in a business premises, they might get it more