Older relatives not understanding WFH...

[TickingAlongNicely]

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example).

My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays.

Every school holiday from my parents...
What are you doing? (I'm working)
What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. )
Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING)
What do you do all day at home (WORK)
Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...).

I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

YANBU.

My mum calls at random times like 10am on a Tuesday and gets in a huff when I say/message “I can’t talk, I’m working”.
”What can you not spare 10 minutes?”

No, I can’t.

Also same! Family turn up to the house for cuppas regularly. Say I don't have time but they don't understand I have a video TEAMS in 5 minutes. Just sit down for a blether thinking you can just move things along. Sound bitter but really appreciate people visiting and love them but I wouldn't turn up to their workplace and expect a cup of tea. In any profession/job!

I had to be very clear with my mum that I couldn't stop work at random times several times a week to make her a cup of tea and have a chat.

I get this with my mum. She will call at 11am on my wfh and not understand why i can't stop for a half hour chat

Did your dm not work? Maybe explain that it would be like turning up at her dh place of work for a cup of tea instead

Well, neither my parents nor PILs have the remotest understanding of what I do for a living, and I’ve been an academic for the best part of 30 years. They grasp the actual lecturing bit, but never get that university vacs are, if anything, often busier than termtime, as it’s my only concentrated research time, or that examining, external examining, peer reviewing, conferences, timetabling etc isn’t a termtime-only thing.

I overheard a neighbour asking MIL what I did for a living last year, and she said she didn’t know! I’ve been in her life since the 1990s!

Thats actually the most frustrating part... she worked all her adult life apart from a few years when my brother and I were toddlers.
She lived 500 miles from her parents.

Yet seems to have absolutely no understanding of how I cant drop everything to visit her constantly. I will be visiting at Easter, and probably May half term, and in the summer...
But not EVERY school holiday.

my adult child works from home. We share a house. We, me and their partner are very Careful never, ever to go into their office.

To the point that I will text to ask, for example, where they have put something, rather than go into their office , and maybe interrupt a meeting.

It's really not hard to understand. They are WORKING from home. If you wouldn't waltz into their office (outside their home)why would you do it inside your/their home?

I get it. My older relatives think as I work from home (I'm employed & have set hours) That they can drop in at any time, because I'm home & I can stop make tea & eat cake, chat with them at any point in the day. Also phone calls, I don't mind a quick Hi are you all ok, or next time you pop over could you bring ... But not endless chat about Ivy 4 doors down ( who I don't know), cleaners cat not been well. I have tried & tried to stop them, to no avail. To the point I have a ring doorbell & sometimes just don't answer the door. Or the phone. Terrible I know but it just impacts so much on my ability to do my job, which requires a lot of concentration. I'm the main wage earner, I can't afford to lose my job. I will add if I've dodged a call I do always call back to check all ok, once I have finished task I was in the middle of.

Oh God OP I could have written your post.
Both my parents assume STILL that it's fine to just rock up at any given day/moment with zero warning.

I spend majority of my working week on teams, phone and writing detailed reports/nightnare spreadsheets.

Every bloody time they're surprised & offended when I don't even have time to make them a cup of tea.

I detest this but there's no explaining it, they just refuse to get it. I have tried everything.

They ask to take DC (SEN), always a no as they just cannot do it. I don't need childcare, DC absolutely does not need entertainment. What we all need is space and peace.

I have no solutions but empathise deeply!

My work is hybrid and my mum always thinks I'm off on my WFH days. When I say I'm still working she says "oh you know what I mean. It's the same thing"

I WFH my sister works from an office. Our mum asks me to do errands for her during the working day "because your sister is at work so she can't help"

Not my mum, but my neighbour. I'm quite sure she thinks I dislike her as she's invited me around multiple times for coffee (sees me out hanging washing on my breaks) and I look like I'm dodging her invites. Really I get 2x10 min breaks per shift and I normally use them to quickly get chores ticked off, and I don't have time at all to sit with her.

Oh my god this would give me the rage!!!!

In my experience it is people who havent had an office job who don't understand WFH. Like the cleaner who doesn't get why she can't just try to change the day or time she attends every other week (I had to fire this particular cleaner after the wanted to start late because it was her adult sons birthday. He turned 26. Final straw). Or the builders doing work to the outside of my leasehold property but demanding to be let into my apartment to access the balcony without notice. Just because they saw im home.

People without office jobs just can't imagine what it's like.

My MIL has no idea. She did run her own business for many years, but the WFH- she has no idea.

She will randomly turn up, then announce she thought I'd be on a lunch break at that time. I then explain that if she'd told us she was 'dropping in' I would have changed my lunch break to suit!

We've been renovating, so at 1 point, I worked from the only desk which was in the lounge. Its just DH and myself, no kids. MIL arrived when I was hosting a meeting. DH tried to usher her away to another room. She stood behind my laptop saying 'Oh, who are all those people?'. 'Hello', 'They can't see me can they?' 'What are you doing chatting to people on the computer?' 😡

My mother finally understood once COVID hit, because obviously then everyone with an office job was suddenly WFH. But prior to that she used to say how convenient it was that she could ring me on my “day off” instead of at the weekend. I kept telling her that I didn’t have a day off!

Oh yes I work in a university and get this quite a lot. I get comments about the university closing over summer and having the entire summer off. I'm like errmm nope the uni doesn't close and busy were preparing for the new academic year 🤷‍♂️

I've somehow forgotten this. MIL will call DH to come to fix something, collect something for her or any number of tasks in the weekday. DH and I both WFH full time and its a 1hr round trip to her.
My SIL lives with MIL in her house and works part-time- 18hrs a week, but because she works in an office, MIL won't bother her!!! 🙄

I get it- my MIL used to refer to my 'day off' no MIL its my WFH day and you know what- I still have do do the W! I know I'm at home at the dining room table but no I can't just take a break at 10am Tuesday morning to chat about Brenda's piles. I can't just run to Sainsburys either as I have a meeting.
Bless her she is no longer with us. Would be way worse as I WFH all the time now with 2 office days a month.
Oh and I had a 'little job' apparently- yes the one that paid the mortgage until her son got established. I just buy hair ribbons and fripperies with 'my cash'
Thankfully her son does not have the attitudes she had.

Yep. My mother thinks it’s weirdly comical that she doesn’t understand what wfh is or how it could possibly happen. But I’m not surprised - I’m the only daughter and it doesn’t matter if I ran the country, my work would still be less important than that of my brothers.

I've even had friends turn up unannounced to my office in the University, expecting to be entertained. One was offended because, as she said later 'you looked furious'. I was inwardly fuming of course, but not aware that it showed on my face. They are not friends any more.

This must be absolutely maddening!
Even my 2-year-old granddaughter understands she mustn't go into Daddy's office because he's working in there

These are just clueless people. Age has little to do with it. I’m in my 70s and work from home much of the time, as do other older colleagues.

Don't you ever take time off work? I know it's harder to do when self employed but, ime, it's really important to give yourself those days off and the rest of the family will appreciate it too.