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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Older relatives not understanding WFH...

267 replies

TickingAlongNicely · 10/02/2025 22:33

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example).

My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays.

Every school holiday from my parents...
What are you doing? (I'm working)
What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. )
Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING)
What do you do all day at home (WORK)
Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...).

I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

OP posts:
MrsRonaldWeasley · 11/02/2025 08:59

Not the same thing but I just wanted to rant... my FIL will ring me at work (outside of the home) to ask me [non-urgent] things because he doesn't want to disturb my DH at work... um... ???

MissDeborah · 11/02/2025 09:00

MrsRonaldWeasley · 11/02/2025 08:59

Not the same thing but I just wanted to rant... my FIL will ring me at work (outside of the home) to ask me [non-urgent] things because he doesn't want to disturb my DH at work... um... ???

Switch your phone to work mode

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 09:01

Soontobe60 · 11/02/2025 08:13

Just don’t answer the phone!

Show quote history

I don’t always but sometimes I have a “Omg what if so and so is dead” moment

Bogginsthe3rd · 11/02/2025 09:01

Let's be honest, at the same time people who wfh also have time to do the clothes wash, nip to the gym and do mindful meditation. You probably have time to say hello to your parents.

MissDeborah · 11/02/2025 09:02

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 09:01

I don’t always but sometimes I have a “Omg what if so and so is dead” moment

Show quote history

I have DH and DC as favourite people so they can get through

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/02/2025 09:04

@ the poster who thinks my earlier post about taking time off work is irrelevant - her parents ask if they can see her "every school holiday" according to OP and she can't because she's working. I expect that's quite hard for her parents to hear - never being available to spend a few days with them and the children.

Not irrelevant at all.

pootleondown · 11/02/2025 09:04

My family simply assume I don't even have a job because I'm freelance and have a lot of flexibility. They actually say things like "well you don't really work, do you" and "some of us have actual jobs!"

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/02/2025 09:08

This thread is full of ageist comments about people some of whom are probably younger than me! And I wfh as does my husband!

CaroIus · 11/02/2025 09:08

Stepfordian · 11/02/2025 08:21

I’ve had from my mum ‘oh but you don’t really work when you’re WFH, do you?’ And from MIL to her friend when she asked what I do, ‘she’s just does a bit of typing’ I don’t think she could grasp that a woman could have a proper job 🙄

My mother once told me “I’m so glad you kept working- it’s important to have a bit of pocket money for yourself”.

I was making £150k at the time.

GermanBite · 11/02/2025 09:11

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:56

Working from home isn't the same as proper work. So I'm with your relatives.

What is it about being in an office that makes something 'proper work'?

Annoyeddd · 11/02/2025 09:11

My DC's and their partners vary in their working hours and where they are working on site or WFH.
We maintain contact via messaging (group and individual) so voice and video calls are by arrangement. I have never wanted to call randomly as they could be driving. Does mean I can send a message when it suits me.

I have to work on site but have colleagues who work from home - some are brilliant (as a group we can see what they are doing) others not so but these are people who were not very productive on site and would often be off sick for minor things (ie single days)

Original poster
TickingAlongNicely · 11/02/2025 09:12

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/02/2025 09:04

@ the poster who thinks my earlier post about taking time off work is irrelevant - her parents ask if they can see her "every school holiday" according to OP and she can't because she's working. I expect that's quite hard for her parents to hear - never being available to spend a few days with them and the children.

Not irrelevant at all.

Edited

I said EVERY school hoilday. I visit at least 4 times a year for 5-8days.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 11/02/2025 09:15

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:56

Working from home isn't the same as proper work. So I'm with your relatives.

How did I just miss this comment above mine???

"Working from home is not the same as proper work."

I really would love you to expand on that comment please @Viviennemary with real life examples of what proper work is and why WFH isn't that.

KimberleyClark · 11/02/2025 09:17

Well, most people on Mumsnet who work from home seem to have loads of tome to do household tasks while working from home, so why not chatting to relatives!

RubyRedBow · 11/02/2025 09:19

I agree with them being clueless.
I recently snapped at my mum and said I had told her the same answer 100 times. It seemed to help stop her.

Woodworm2020 · 11/02/2025 09:22

MiddleAgedDread · 11/02/2025 06:32

Oh I worked at my parents for a few days for a change of scenery after lockdown and they seemed genuinely shocked that I went in the dining room every morning, shut the door and worked until 5pm! I lost track of how many times I told them not to disturb me or just come barging in the room because I was on zoom meetings.

This sounds so wonderful. Your Dad was a legend!

Caterina99 · 11/02/2025 09:23

Thankfully my parents and in-laws do understand and respect that WFH is working. So much so that my MIL will literally creep about so as not to make a single sound and disturb my BIL who lives with them and has taken over their study. Wouldn’t even put the washing machine on in the utility room with 3 doors between them. They do all his errands because he “works so hard he doesn’t have time”. He rolls out of bed at 8.55am, plays Xbox in his lunch break and goes to the gym every single evening.

I do completely agree that retirement (and especially covid) has aged them massively. They’ve gone from busy professionals with 2 full time jobs, kids, elderly parents etc etc, to we can’t possibly do anything this entire week because MIL car has a MOT on Tuesday. And they have 2 cars and the garage is 5 min from their house!

Katiesaidthat · 11/02/2025 09:25

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:56

Working from home isn't the same as proper work. So I'm with your relatives.

Made me laugh. When I work from home, I do exactly the same tasks I do in the office. It is exactly the same, without the effing commute.

GOODforyourhealth · 11/02/2025 09:26

Op, that made me laugh out loud, as I drank my coffee there! They just don't understand the working from home culture do they?
Dm thinks she can ring me for little chats in the day, and even says, "You can have a little break/skive can't you, nobody will know." Thanks, dm, this isn't bunking off from high school! One days she got dropped off, just popped in. She thought I "needed the company" since I am "just at home." It was infact dm that needed the company. I had her here all day because she couldn't get back until the person that dropped her off picked her up again! "Well, you're off anyway," she said, "now the dcs are at school." 😫 I'll get little texts: "What are you up to?" Like, I'm a lost little lamb who never leaves the house! 😂
Apparently in her day it was much worse because she had a boss watching over her, and I just swing on my chair supposedly! 🤯 Dm was a SAHM for most of my childhood!

bombastix · 11/02/2025 09:26

My own parents are respectful

My friend (partner in city law) cannot get her family to stop interfering in her work from home arrangements. They do not understand. Obviously it is a huge job and her mother is particularly difficult. Given that her mother isn't a fool I assumed something else is going on. It seems about provoking a fight

GOODforyourhealth · 11/02/2025 09:31

GermanBite · 11/02/2025 09:11

What is it about being in an office that makes something 'proper work'?

Show quote history

She is obviously op's dm 😱

Fairyliz · 11/02/2025 09:33

Is it possible that all of these relatives have read the wfh threads on MN where numerous posters talk about how little they do?
They might have also seen neighbours like mine who go for walks/mow the lawn/have workmen around to cost jobs/visits from hairdressers etc. Not to mention all these people posting on this thread during normal office hours.

PoppyFleur · 11/02/2025 09:35

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/02/2025 06:32

I am in my 50’s and have WFH since 2009.
8 of those I lived with my dad who I also became carer for.
My job was no set hours, and my dad would silently pop cups of tea into me and give me the thumbs up.
Sandwiches would appear by magic.
And when I needed a break I would go and sit in his lounge and we’d watch Friends together.
He was very proud of my work as I had been very ill and had to give up my previous career.
He understood and he was in his 80’s! He didn’t know one end of a laptop from another, but it’s not bloody rocket science.
For a long time I worked in social media (it was like the Wild West years I loved it!) and he did tell people I ‘worked on the Tweet with the celebrities’ which I loved as well.
I did get to go events now and again and took him as my plus one. Because I worked in celeb land, he memorised who they all were and he was such good fun. He especially loved the goodie bags and would share them with his beloved cleaner.
I digress. Anyone who doesn’t get it is using it as an excuse - they just want to dominate you and use your time.

Gosh this brought tears to my eyes. It's been 12 years since I lost my lovely dad. He also used to make me tea and lunch. He ran his own business, never worked from home but completely understood the concept of WFH. He was insanely proud of my career. I miss him hugely.

Booksandwine80 · 11/02/2025 09:36

Yes! My mum and dad have my daughter on Fridays in school holidays and won’t have me drop her off before 10 as it’s too early 🙄they don’t get that I’m trying to work from 8 and then have to work in a break to go and drop her off.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 11/02/2025 09:42

MurdoMunro · 11/02/2025 08:05

Wait…hang on…is there any chance that this behaviour is related to all the WFH is skiving shite that we read here and in other places?

Do you think that loads of people simply don’t understand how actual work can be done on a laptop so they’ve rationalised WFH to themselves as a con?

I mean it makes sense doesn’t it, if all someone uses a computer for is emails, Facebook, games and shopping that they might have no idea about the work stuff and assume that’s what we’re doing.

It certainly doesn't help with all the high-profile business talking heads declaring that WFH = shirking.

It's a bit like with calling in sick: so many people lie and abuse it when they fancy a day off or want to do something fun instead, so many people don't seem able to grasp that lots of people DO also call in sick because they are genuinely very ill and absolutely not fit to work.

I always think that the people who denounce everybody for shirking when they're WFH or calling in sick when they aren't (obviously there are some) are probably basing it on what they would do - and tarring everybody else with their own lack of discipline and regard for the truth.