Older relatives not understanding WFH...

[TickingAlongNicely]

I am self employed. I work from home. It can only be done at home, unless I lug massive bits of equipment away with me (I can't work from a hotel room for example).

My children are Secondary school age. They don't need looking after, just someone around really in school holidays.

Every school holiday from my parents...
What are you doing? (I'm working)
What are the children (homework, chilling, hanging out, resting. )
Why don't you come and stay for a few days (I'm WORKING)
What do you do all day at home (WORK)
Don't you want to spend time with the children (I do in the afternoon/evenings, I start work early...).

I'm pretty sure if I worked in an office I wouldn't get this barrage of questions!

We get this. In-laws pop in without warning and do not understand that we both have work to do. They are lingerers at the best of times but they will just hover, waiting for you to offer them a coffee.

I’ve never found a way to say “please leave” directly, so I’ll say things like “sorry, not trying to be rude and ignore you but I’ve got a lot on today”. They rarely get the hint.

Just had to comment on this..........I am a Mum to an adult daughter who WFH. I get it so I don't see why others can't. I know that she is often on conference calls, meetings etc., and the schedules vary daily. We aren't all the same despite being "Older relatives"

If you are working, don't let them in the door.
Ask them to phone the night before to clarify when your lunch hour is. When they arrive, tell them you'll have to let yourself out once we get back to work in half an hour. etc.
Be professional.

Same, I get asked every week "what days are you wfh, I'll pop round"
A lot of people think wfh is a toss off but I actually get more done without the distractions of the office environment.

Yes I had similar from my dad but this was that if someone didn’t have a manual job they were somehow lesser (really encouraging to be told this by a drunk father every weekend when you are doing your a levels). My mum doesn’t know what I do but she’s generally not interested. I’d agree with others though, some people can’t imagine what you could be doing if you can do it at home. I don’t think it’s their age it’s that they are a bit dim as they have it explained to them and still can’t grasp it.

Talk about missing the point 😂

I've had to lock my front door when I wfh to stop my parents wandering in shouting'hellllooooo' when I'm on a meeting

Yup ‘but what do you actually do?’ Is a bi-annual question from the MIL. Followed by ‘why?’

She is slightly more understanding that people do actually work from home now DH also works from home (pandemic) but is often shocked if he breaks out to answer the door (in hols when they used to pick up kids to take them out) as I was busy.

When my MIL was visiting and DH and I were both working from home, she somehow understood that it was not ok to disturb DH but seemed to feel it was fine to interrupt me 😡

I can see both sides of this.

Firstly I work in an actual office, but my parents ring me on the landline (i.e. not a phone I have with me) at say, 11am and are constantly surprised that I am not in. Likewise, they don't understand why I can't come and see them for the whole of school holidays. So I think some people just don't understand the concept of working.

Secondly, there are plenty of people who wfh who do pop out to do the shopping, meet a friend for coffee, go out and play golf, pick up their children from school, run random errands for family members etc (everything in that list is something that I know of multiple wfh people doing). And MN is full of threads of people saying how flexible wfh is and you can do so much round your job. So it's no wonder that people assume that everyone with a wfh job is like that and is available when needed.

Same.

I work on a hybrid basis- two days in the office, three from home.

My mother will regularly say “isn’t it great you’re off today” on a WFH day.

I smile and nod. To be fair, she’s always had a very poor grasp of jobs anyway.

The media doesn’t help this narrative. They’ll push that people who wfh are playing golf / doing washing / [insert other non working activity]. So the impression the generation who didn’t have wfh have is, that we’re at home doing nothing important.
They also don’t see the 7am / 8pm calls we join to get projects over the line, but might see us at the bakers grabbing lunch (in that unpaid hour in the day) and assume we’re again, doing nothing.

Where have you got this about the OP never taking time off work? She’s talking about when she’s working so your comment is completely irrelevant.

Feeling your pain. Both my sister and I work full time. She’s a teacher, I’m self-employed wfh, but I can be flexible with my hours. Though not as flexible as my mum seems to think. I’ll regularly arrive for a scheduled visit (1 hour minimum round trip) to discover that she is expecting me to take her to an appointment in 3 hour's time. Had she let me know, I could have arranged my day around it. I used to and catch up in the evening but this week I told her to rearrange it for the next time I’m there.

Ds and dil both work from home.
I usually message them if I have an important query, I wouldn’t dream of ringing whilst they’re working.
I find it’s best to wait for them to contact me.

Wait…hang on…is there any chance that this behaviour is related to all the WFH is skiving shite that we read here and in other places?

Do you think that loads of people simply don’t understand how actual work can be done on a laptop so they’ve rationalised WFH to themselves as a con?

I mean it makes sense doesn’t it, if all someone uses a computer for is emails, Facebook, games and shopping that they might have no idea about the work stuff and assume that’s what we’re doing.

This is so sweet, my favourite post

Tell them to get a job op, and start contributing to society. Bloody hell. It’s not enough to have gold plated pensions, a housing boon and second homes - free university education and a life of Riley, now they need on tap entertainment too!!

Fucking hell.

I'm about to start working remotely. I am not telling my parents, who live 10 minutes along the road, they will assume I'm available whenever they fancy a chat. The older my parents gets the less I tell them, it's just easier.

Yes! My mum has always helped me one day a week. Before Covid I was in the office. Now I WFH so I can finish early and have dinner with them. But yes, constant qus - “what are you doing”

Sudden call comes in “why are they ringing you now?”

And then from around 2pm “when are you finishing” 🤣

Im obviously massively grateful and it makes me smile usually, but your thread has made me realise - a certain generation of people just can’t get it!

Just don’t answer the phone!

You could be on to something here!

Would DP's be happier if the teens went to stay with them for short spells in some in some of your working school hols? Sounds like they could get a train together?

Secondly, there are plenty of people who wfh who do pop out to do the shopping, meet a friend for coffee, go out and play golf, pick up their children from school, run random errands for family members etc (everything in that list is something that I know of multiple wfh people doing). And MN is full of threads of people saying how flexible wfh is and you can do so much round your job. So it's no wonder that people assume that everyone with a wfh job is like that and is available when needed.

Exactly. It's hardly surprising that it's confusing for people

All of our parents get this except MIL. My husband and I have been in the house with my parents with all four of us WFH, and apart from the odd passing offer of tea it's like the rest of us don't exist.

MIL will sit down for a chat, start interminable anecdotes, and generally act like there's nothing of importance going on.

But is surprised at the lack of invites/willingness to have her round in the week.