Page 7 | To think being single should be celebrated more than getting married?

BeChicMember · 2025-02-10T16:26:45+00:00

Marriage gets all the glory, but choosing to focus on yourself or remain single is just as valid, if not braver.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 11/02/2025 14:18

People tend to celebrate events rather than states iyswim.

Maybe throw yourself an x years single party?

Meanttobeworking · 11/02/2025 14:20

PipMumsnet · 11/02/2025 14:15

Hello, just so you are aware we suspect this one was started by a previously banned poster who will not be coming back. However we are going to let it run as it has gained some traction.
MNHQ

Oh we all like a good bun fight 😂

sammylady37 · 11/02/2025 14:40

admirible · 11/02/2025 13:47

who are the many people you know of that make a choice to stay single. I bet you don’t even know one person.

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You backed the wrong horse.
For starters, I’m voluntarily and happily single and have been so since my late 20s, am now mid-40s. I have zero interest in a committed relationship, and think the negatives of one would vastly outweigh any potential benefits for me.

I have at least 2 friends who think similarly, and a colleague.

Also, have a search here for threads about people choosing to be single, there has been plenty over the years, it might open your eyes. Not everyone wants a relationship or marriage, and not everyone views them as an outcome measure of success or happiness in life.

HipMax · 11/02/2025 14:44

Meanttobeworking · 11/02/2025 14:03

Perhaps you're confused by" being single is often not a choice"...which by definition means it is sometimes a choice

So why mention it as a rebuttal to the idea we shouldn’t celebrate being single? It’s like me saying “oh don’t celebrate marriages, some marriages are shit”

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Obviously, why would you celebrate someone being single if they don't want to be? For every happily single person theres more than one unhappily single person. And you won't really know which it is.

And we don't celebrate marriages, on the whole. We celebrate weddings..you've totally misunderstood the cultural concepts involved here.

Meanttobeworking · 11/02/2025 15:04

HipMax · 11/02/2025 14:44

Obviously, why would you celebrate someone being single if they don't want to be? For every happily single person theres more than one unhappily single person. And you won't really know which it is.

And we don't celebrate marriages, on the whole. We celebrate weddings..you've totally misunderstood the cultural concepts involved here.

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Isn't that like me saying “Why celebrate weddings if there is the possibility they’re are going to be unhappy /get divorced? You never can tell if a marriage is as happy as it appears”

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/02/2025 15:12

Weddings are a big party to celebrate but marriage is the hard bit for which I don't think people need any more of a pat on the back than single people who are taking a different path in life because sides of life can be hard.
Single people certainly shouldn't be thought of failures. I'm pretty sure my recent ex would of married me but he was the wrong person for me so I walked away from him. I also left my sons father who I was engaged to because he was abusive.

Germanymunch · 11/02/2025 15:24

Bumpitybumper · 11/02/2025 13:09

Whilst I think removing single is a perfectly valid decision, I think from a societal perspective there are many benefits to marriage. Studies show that it is particularly important when raising children for a variety of reasons. The financial benefits of marriage, especially when you have children, are very important and can enable families to make decisions that will benefit the family unit knowing that the individual parents within the unit have some financial protection. This is especially true if the family feel it's better to have a SAHP, a parent that works PT to facilitate family life or just someone that takes their foot off the gas slightly in their career so that they can be around more for the children at critical times. It is absolutely fair that this burden should be shared from a financial perspective.

I also think you are statistically less likely to be such a financial burden to the state of you get ill or when you get old if you're married. I know of lots of couples where one person effectively cares for the other which effectively means someone can cope for longer without state funded care. Sometimes it's just low level but essential stuff that is relatively easy for the partner to provide but would be a big burden on the state if you needed external parties to do it.

That's just it though - it's all financial benefit or for the state.
If you are a wealthy woman it's better for you and the kid to stay single (also a lot of studies support this) over being in a marriage with a man who doesn't treat you well. Kids who witness abuse in the homes carry it into their adult lives.

superplumb · 11/02/2025 15:27

Might throw myslef a divorce party once im rid of my cheating husband.

BeDeepKoala · 11/02/2025 16:08

Meanttobeworking · 11/02/2025 10:35

Wasn’t there a study that found the happiest people are single women and married men?

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As far as I know, the entire myth is literally based on a single sentence that some random academic said at a low tier conference, that wasnt based on any peer reviewed research whatsoever, which the Guardian picked up on and endlessly repeated since it fits their agenda

This article:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

featherindarkwaters · 11/02/2025 16:10

Same, not more.

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/02/2025 16:16

Bumpitybumper · 11/02/2025 13:09

Whilst I think removing single is a perfectly valid decision, I think from a societal perspective there are many benefits to marriage. Studies show that it is particularly important when raising children for a variety of reasons. The financial benefits of marriage, especially when you have children, are very important and can enable families to make decisions that will benefit the family unit knowing that the individual parents within the unit have some financial protection. This is especially true if the family feel it's better to have a SAHP, a parent that works PT to facilitate family life or just someone that takes their foot off the gas slightly in their career so that they can be around more for the children at critical times. It is absolutely fair that this burden should be shared from a financial perspective.

I also think you are statistically less likely to be such a financial burden to the state of you get ill or when you get old if you're married. I know of lots of couples where one person effectively cares for the other which effectively means someone can cope for longer without state funded care. Sometimes it's just low level but essential stuff that is relatively easy for the partner to provide but would be a big burden on the state if you needed external parties to do it.

This feels like a very rose tinted view of being married. When I got divorced and became a single parent to my then 2yr old whilst I was working part time. I found the reality of my divorce was that there was very little protection in it for me, mainly because my ex and and I were at the start of our careers and didn't have a lot although I did get my deposit back from the house that I put in and we also didn't touch each other pensions as there was no point.

Whilst he did pay maintenance in line with CSA it was me who picked up 90% of the slack which limited my full return to work. I was able to claim tax credits but again it wasn't a huge amount. Spousal support is only a thing if there is enough money coming in to pay for it.

Now, 15yrs later I'm back to work full time, I have my own house, have a good job and pension. The idea of marrying and ever coming close to losing it again feels incredibly risky, I can see no benefits in it all for me now knowing what the divorce process is like.

Dweetfidilove · 11/02/2025 18:20

Oblomov25 · 10/02/2025 21:17

Why does being single need celebrating? I don't get that. It's your choice, or the fact you haven't met someone yet. Neither need actual celebrating.

And the single mum celebrating is even more questionable. Why? Sympathy if husband has died. Why should it be celebrated if you had poor choice re the father you chose for your children?

Oh my 🙊