To think being single should be celebrated more than getting married?

[BeChicMember]

Marriage gets all the glory, but choosing to focus on yourself or remain single is just as valid, if not braver.

Single women live longer for a start.

Maybe neither should be 'celebrated' as such, but we all have things that society or subgroups assign varying amounts of value to or hold in higher or lower esteem. If you're happy (at least satisfied) with your own choices, it shouldn't matter so much what the rest of the world thinks.

Well, yes

Single parent families are more than twice as likely to receive universal credit compared to conventional families. They also receive more when they get it.

It also leads to an inefficient allocation of housing which is extra indirect tax payer cost (housing two adults separately puts more pressure on the housing stock compared to housing them together, and adds to the UC bill when both are separately claiming for their living costs).

The negative outcomes on children from being raised in single parent households is very well documented.

So celebrate it then. Throw a party. Go out for dinner with your single friends. Make yourself a singledom anniversary card. Literally nothing is stopping you. Do you think when people get married it's other people who throw the party to celebrate it? It's the couple. So throw a party to celebrate your singledom, why not?

no

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-demographic-economics/article/effect-of-marital-status-on-life-expectancy-is-cohabitation-as-protective-as-marriage/5B6B9B86C737AE3F095CF3781023F458

https://academic.oup.com/ije/article-abstract/29/1/93/666813?redirectedFrom=fulltext

(although comparing absolute between-group life expectancy is a bad idea anyway since getting marriage is not exogenous, and certain factors which reduce life expectancy will also reduce the probability of getting married - disability, poverty, etc)

Totally agree. Celebrate what you have achieved, the fun you have had, the hard times you got through. Love it! Not sure am brave enough!

I'm gonna get some comments but I think that single mums should be celebrated - not pitied and looked down on but genuinely celebrated

I agree with this.

See also: young mums.

All options are valid because we have freedom of choice and individual tastes and personalities. There isn’t one right choice or a tier system of lifestyle choice so comparing the bravest/best/hardest is pointless.

It’s brave to rely on yourself and it’s brave to be vulnerable and rely on someone else, it’s hard graft being a single mum but it’s also hard graft being a married mum if you’ve got to care for a severely disabled child or relative.

Also the slogan of “a single parent family isn’t a broken family” doesn’t work as a strapline. There’s a lot of evidence repeating a myth/negstive association can actually further enforce it. If you want to normalise the behaviour, you’d be better off being broad and positive eg showing families of all shapes and sizes and saying “family comes in all shapes and sizes but they’re always built on love/care/etc” or something equally inane.

I think it is. People don’t like to think being single is a desirable state as that threaten their values, norms etc. But that doesn’t really matter. It can be celebrated anyway

Lol. What rot.

I guess not with the crashing birth rate

Why? What's to be celebrated about kids having kids? Let's nots celebrate teen parenthood.

Indeed. A single parent family is very often a healed family!

For the families:
Acceptance
Affirmation
Representation
Confidence
Social inclusion

For members of the general public who misguidedly pity single parent families:
Education
Awareness
Understanding

Attitudinal change leads to behavioural change and that can affect everything from government policy and employment opportunities to what the other school mums think of you.

Well usually they showed up for their child when the other party opted out for starters. They didn't walk away. They have less time and more responsibility than the other baby maker who left them high and dry in a lot of cases.

They raised children that would otherwise be on the care system. I'm sure you are aware of the costs of social services and placing children in foster care etc.

What an unnecessarily, nasty statement.

It costs the tax payer because the fathers (generally) walk off and don't contribute. You can stigmatise the mothers looking after their children until Doomsday - not going to make an iota of difference to the ones doing the walking away from their responsibilities because they're not the ones being stigmatised. If a man decides to walk away without supporting his child then no amount of blaming the woman involved is going to change him doing that. And you can, and probably will say that women should choose better - but, why are we blaming women for men's behaviour? Women are not responsible for a mans choices and decisions by default. Men shouldn't be sanctioned to behave in a way that means women have to be prepared to take all the responsibility for what is a shared act or decision.

Single mothers (because I genuinely don't think single fathers face the same) have and are stigmatised - has it made any difference at all? Has it stopped men having children with women and then walking away from the responsibility of that? Has it stopped or reduced the incidence of single mothers?

It's socially acceptable for men to do that, because it's easier to blame the women, but the men are just as aware of the possibility of pregnancy from sex, and the implications of deciding to have children with someone.

This exact same post was put up last year. Were you not happy with the answers?

This honestly sounds like incel logic. If someone is unable to get/retain a partner then the problem most likely lies with them, not with the rest of society.

If you arent able to find a good partner to help you birth/raise your children then you need to work on improving yourself. And yes, of course everyone is responsible for choosing the partner that they decide to make a big commitment to.

Eh?
We should celebrate people who keep their children out of the care system?

What sort of twisted logic is that?

Well no.

As an incel I'd be desiring a partner but unable to get one, and resent that. I don't particularly desire a partner or am against having one, or resent the fact I'm single. I don't particularly think it needs celebrating with a party, but not having a partner doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me, it's quite remarkable that people think that way, I'd still be the same person with the same values, job and personality if I had a partner as I am now. Being single doesn't lessen my value.

That still doesn't mean that women are responsible for mens decisions to walk away from the children they co created without taking any responsibility. Your point was that single parents cost the taxpayer a fortune - and mine is that it's generally because fathers walk away without paying and that's socially sanctioned - a point you've pretty much proven by waffling on about incels and improving myself to get or hang on to something that you have deemed I must have, but that I'm perfectly ok without.

I took responsibility for my decision, my child is at university, supported by me, as she has been for the majority of her life. The other half of the equation walked away from that co-decision, not just from me, but the child he wanted and willingly helped create. That decision is not my responsibility, it's his.

It's not all on the men. The amount of women who wilfully procreate with the worst, bottom of the barrel specimens. The women who have babies with men they know already have kids they don't see, with one or more women. The women who pick losers and act all confused that they're not dad of the year.
A lot of single mothers were always and obviously going to be single mothers. Let's not pretend it's never their fault.

And let's not pretend it's all their fault either, and seek to stigmatise one side of the equation and ignore the other.

The poster I was replying to was saying being a single parent should be more stigmatised, to reduce/prevent it happening.
It already is and always has been, and it hasn't made any difference, because it's not just the women that end up as single parents who are causing the 'issue', but men who are legally and socially free, and even encouraged, to do exactly what you've described, repeatedly, with the women involved blamed for their own behaviour and then that of the man too. And then people are confused as to why it keeps happening. It's because we're only holding one side of the equation responsible.

This is the best victim blaming I've seen for a while. Like the men don't have any choice but to be dicks, but the women who try to help them or support them were just dumb. No wonder people wonder what happened to empathy.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do people keep banging on about throwing parties? The OP never said she wanted a party just some appreciation for the decision to choose to remain single.