Parents shouldn't use mobiles around their children

[SmudgeButt]

OK I know some will think this is ridiculous. And just for context I'm not saying that parents shouldn't have mobiles but simply not use them when they are out and about with their children.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

I've seen parents out pushing buggies with an excited child pointing at flowers or doggies or whatever and the parent is just walking along like a zombie, ignoring the child and simply staring at or talking on their mobile. I've even seen children with buggies or at restaurants that have a tablet, real or plastic, for them to look at and play with rather than engaging with anything else in the world.

Yes I know some children for whatever reason need to have a distraction in order to be in whatever public space. And I know that we all want to have a mobile in case of emergencies or if there's a real need to contact someone.

I guess my issue here is that the other day I was in a restaurant with DH having a breakfast out together and he said, "oh look that woman is talking to her child!" The entire time she and her friend were having their coffee etc they both talked to the child, involved her in the conversation, let her sit quietly for a bit, played with her. Simply engaged with the child as adults would normally but without any IT distractions.

Thoughts?

So what about using an app to buy my train ticket, using Apple maps when I was in Manchester city centre an unsure of where I was, texting my other child who was at home and had an important question. Honestly I could go on and on

I agree (and I'm guilty of this sometimes too, but I try not to). I do find it really sad when I see small children in prams and pushchairs, and their parent is walking along staring at their phones. It's dfficult because so much of our life, even that related to our DC, is run via our phones - transferring money into the class rep's collection for the teacher's leaving present, completing a Google form to give permission for your child to go an a school trip, messaging the scout leader to let them know your DC is sick and won't be attending this week. And every time you pick it up to do one of these essential tasks, you notice that you've got seven unread WhatsApp messages, or you notice an email from the library to say that your books are due back so you have to quickly jump on the library app and renew them all, or a news notification flashes up about a story that you have a particular interest in, so you click on it...so even with the best of intentions, it can be quite hard not to use your mobile around children.

I suspect excessive parental use of screens is bad for children as children's excessive use of screens is - they are two sides of the same coin - and I almost wish that, for all their convenience, smartphones hadn't been invented.

I agree people shouldn’t be scrolling when their child is trying to interact with them, but it’s a big jump from there to never using the phone around their children at all.

The problem is that we see one snapshot of a persons life.

I probably looked awful the other day walking around Manchester looking at my phone because I was using the maps app. So the OP would have judged me as a terrible parent, when in reality I rarely use my phone during the day, and definitely not when I'm out with my child.

I always feel dads look at their phones more in childcare situations, such as playgrounds

Thoughts?

That one of the major problems with parenting is that people thinks, 'I think I should do something for my family. EVERYONE SHOULD'. It's uniquely narcissistic to think what works for you, works for everyone.

I don't know what it is about parenting that makes everyone do this but it's curious.

I agree with op. The worst are the ones who push buggy's across the road without looking up from their phones. Just a tragedy waiting to happen.
I visited a zoo with my adult dd and there was a child in a buggy probably about 3 and she couldn't quite see whatever animal it was so was grumbling and one of the adults gave her a phone and told her to shush. I was gobsmacked, I mean they've paid upward of £80 to stick a phone in front of the kid, might as well have stayed home.

The same people who ignore their children would not be any more present without a phone. People have been ignoring their children for centuries

I try not to judge, but I think a bigger issue than adults with phones is kids with their tablets in pushchairs. It's so common now and I feel like we're gonna have big problems from this in a few years time

I agree, it just models bad habits.

These posts make me roll my eyes.

Sure, it's totally practical for me to never be on my pjone around my children. I'll get right on that and I'm sure everyone else will too.

Not.

Bad parents are bad parents whether they have phones or not.

Good parents who are on their phones for whatever reason are still good parents, they're just using a mobile device at this moment in time.

As for the endless wailing about engaging with children in restaurants etc etc etc... complete bollocks. Personally, I mostly just chose not to take my chidlren to restaurants at all whent hey were small, or only for very short things like in a buffet style cafe where we chose food and paid, sat down to eat and were out of there in no more than 30. minutes. Because small chidlren are a disaster in restaurants. But others really want that experience, possibly don't have options otherwise, so they take their chidlren. And they use appropriate tools to help the children manage in the short term.

Something that really struck me recently was someone pointing out that slapping a child on the bum is child abuse (and it is), but depriving them of looking at the world, and ignoring their needs to look at a phone, is seen as just poor parenting.
I'm not sure the word abuse is helpful, but I think it's much worse than poor parenting.

I agree with you
of course use them for buying a train ticket, making a payment or sending a quick message. But stop gawping at them for unnecessary things and parent your children.
We don’t allow screens at home (kids are too young for them anyway) so we are wary of phone use. Of course we have to answer messages occasionally but we don’t spend a long time on them when the kids are around.

I know what you mean, I see it a lot round here, parent walking ahead totally absorbed in their phone with the kid trailing along behind them. I've followed them for ages sometimes just by coincidence (they're going the same way as my dog walk!) and they don't say two words to the kid or even look at them.

I sometimes think "someone could fully just grab that child and walk off and the parent wouldn't even notice". Obviously that's not the real issue as it's really unlikely, but it just seems so sad. I have lovely memories of going for walks with my mam and chatting away, being told stories, playing I spy, singing songs or whatever.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

When I was a teenager, I was a complete bookworm. I used to bring books into class and secretly read them. teachers were, understandably, annoyed.

Agreeing that children shouldn't be allowed mobile phones during the school day is a perfectly reasonable point to make that has ZERO correlation with whethe ror not the parents use the phone while they're with their children.

If you're not one of the parents who ignores their child in favour of doom scrolling at every possible opportunity, the post isn't about you is it? You've taken it very personally for claiming you're not one of those parents.

I don't have kids but my guess is that a lot of parents who are looking at their phones when they're out with their kids have probably been entertaining the kids all bloody day and are pretty much desperate for 10 minutes' peace. Which to me, seems fair enough.

You're only seeing a very brief window into someone's world when you're next to them in a cafe or passing them in the street. You really don't know what they're like in general or what's typical for them.

The other night I found myself telling everyone to get off screens as my WhatsApp buzzed beside me. I picked it up and realised how ridiculously tied to the phone I am. Yanbu op, we say one thing and show them another

OP wants all device interaction to stop if the parent is with their child which I think is ridiculous and is a desperate attempt to prevent poor parenting which actually, is a thing whether or not devices are involved.

I am endlessly frustrated by people blaming the tools rather than the people. Good parents are good parents, even if they are sometimes on their phones. Bad parents are bad parents even if they've never picked up a phone. Saying NO ONE should be on their phone is not actually addressing the isse of bad parenting.

Oh for goodness sake! The OP is clearly not referring to using the phone for essential things.

It's referring to missing out on quality interaction with your kids. Scrolling instead of conversation and joining in their play.

Play in the park with your kids rather than sitting on a bench scrolling. Watch TV with them rather than sitting scrolling. Talk to them in the restaurant rather than handing them a tablet to shut them up!

If the world made it easier to live smartphone free then I would. However, if I have a day out with the kids round here I basically have to use my mobile to:

• Pay for parking
• book any activities or entry to wherever we’re going
• order food
• Check traffic for the way home
• Check timings for my son’s medication and log it in his e-diary
• If we go to the supermarket access the deals to scan on my phone

I could probably do some of the above in non-smartphone ways but it means it takes longer, is often more expensive and re my son’s condition would require lugging a physical diary and pen and scribbling in it all the time which IMO is no less disengaged than entering the information into a phone

Theres a strange sensitivity on MN about adults using their phones. And a real shame around women doing it. I think some people think the only acceptable way for a mum to use her smartphone would be to go and hide in a cupboard once a day.

Come on, stop deliberately missing the point everyone. It is not about using phones for necessary, practical things.
I don't want to read one more post that says, "but I had to text my aunt in hospital blah blah!"
Let's look at the problem honestly and directly without making excuses and being defensive.

You are right and I have been thinking for a while I need to cut down around my kids. Thankyou for the post as it's helped me to think about taking more concrete action. I don't want my kids to be zombies when they get phones so I need to model now the behaviour I want to seen in them. They are addictive and I am exhibiting addictive behaviours. I have often used them when feeling bad in some way - frustrated, bored, procrastinating - as a way of distracting from my feelings. But I need to overhaul my phone use as it's not helping me to have as full a life as I'd like.

You think smacking a child isn’t as bad as giving a child a tablet?

Also just a PSA about “You’re only seeing a snapshot of their day”.

Mine are 8 and 11 now but when they were younger we’d have days out where they’d run around, learn things, have conversations, play, interact and then I’d maybe give them a phone because they were knackered and needed to nod off in the pram and Peppa Pig always worked a treat.

I think people who look at others and think “I’ve only seen 10 seconds of their life but it MUST be like that ALL THE TIME” are embarrassingly dim.

How do you know they aren’t “gawping” at booking a train ticket?